another David Vs Goliath story

**Darth Vader** · 10-19-2009, 03:13 PM

this one ends better.

So me, a 5'6, 155 lb white boy who just happens to have basic MMA training, went up against a 6'7 340 lb giant of a man on saturday, at the local mall.
a few mall rats were watching, and we weren't going all out, but it was competitive.

After about 30 seconds of me just jumping back everytime he threw a punch, and then kicking him in the leg, i managed to bring it to the ground.

He landed on top of me. hard.

I, somehow, by the grace of a nonexistant god, got out of a pathetic guillitine choke and managed to get on top, where I sat on his massive keg of a belly.

I tried an armbar. His arms were to heavy to move.
I tried a choke. His neck was too flabby.

What does that leave me with?

The only thing I could think of: A nurple.

I pinched his nipples and twisted as hard as I possibly could,and he immediately started yelping and begging me to let go. I loosened my grip alittle, but I wouldn't let go.

"OMG PLEASE LET ME GO I GIVE UP I GIVE UP!"
"Sing! Sing for me and I'll let you go!"
"ANYTHING! WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO SING?!"
"I'm a little teacup..."

He sang the entire song, note for note.

**Darth Vader** · 10-19-2009, 03:17 PM

Also, totally unrelated, I had a field trip to Ringwood Manor on friday.
This is how it went/they say a picture is worth a thousand words

**Vengeful Scars** · 10-19-2009, 03:23 PM

look.

A) Your story is bullshit
B) Those pictures are gay, and go hide the gay, you need spoiler tags

**Darth Vader** · 10-19-2009, 03:30 PM

Originally Posted by Vengeful Scars

look.

A) Your story is bullshit
B) Those pictures are gay, and go hide the gay, you need spoiler tags

too lazy for spoilers.

**coqauvin** · 10-19-2009, 03:56 PM

if that's you, you look almost as douchey as you sound

**thank mr skeltal** · 10-19-2009, 04:02 PM

basic MMA training = you watch UFC

**TheOriginalGrumpySpy** · 10-19-2009, 04:04 PM

Originally Posted by coqauvin

if that's you, you look almost as douchey as you sound

To be fair, he's much more of an athlete.

But look how hip he is by calling out the graces of 'nonexistent god'. Oh man I can hear the billions of christians shaking at that one.

**Darth Vader** · 10-19-2009, 04:09 PM

Originally Posted by Rick Scarf

basic MMA training = you watch UFC

=1 year at The Edge, training 3 days a week.

**Darth Vader** · 10-19-2009, 04:09 PM

Originally Posted by coqauvin

if that's you, you look almost as douchey as you sound

i'm in better shape than you either way.
you're point?

**TheOriginalGrumpySpy** · 10-19-2009, 04:10 PM

Hey, I'm really happy for you, and I'mma llet you finish, but the Bible had the David and Goliath story of all time.

**TheOriginalGrumpySpy** · 10-19-2009, 04:10 PM

Originally Posted by Darth Vader

i'm in better shape than you either way.
you're point?

HOLY FUCK HE'S GOT YOU THERE!

**TheOriginalGrumpySpy** · 10-19-2009, 04:11 PM

Originally Posted by Darth Vader

i'm in better shape than you either way.
you're point?

Jesus Coq, you walked right into that one, right? right?

**Vengeful Scars** · 10-19-2009, 04:32 PM

I was uder the impression you couldn't do MMA training until you were 18

**Darth Vader** · 10-19-2009, 04:37 PM

Originally Posted by Vengeful Scars

I was uder the impression you couldn't do MMA training until you were 18

where the hell did you get that idea?

**coqauvin** · 10-19-2009, 04:38 PM

hahahaha

oh man

**sycld** · 10-19-2009, 04:38 PM

hai

either shrink your damn pictures or link to them with thumbnails or put them in spoilers

and you beat up an obese person. congrats?

**raghead** · 10-19-2009, 04:39 PM

Originally Posted by Vengeful Scars

I was uder the impression you couldn't do MMA training until you were 18

nope, you can't compete in mma in most of the east coast until you're 18, but you can train

in other news i won my amateur muay thai debut fight this weekend
wasn't really david vs. goliath, but i did cut around 20 pounds and he looked like he was at his natural weight
edit: also you lose points for being friends with some emo lookin fucker

**mutton** · 10-19-2009, 04:55 PM

great job ragghead

**raghead** · 10-19-2009, 05:08 PM

thanks murton
i showed up to weigh in and the dude was white with a mohawk
me and my coach just looked at eachother and high fived

**Darth Vader** · 10-19-2009, 05:11 PM

Originally Posted by raghead

thanks murton
i showed up to weigh in and the dude was white with a mohawk
me and my coach just looked at eachother and high fived

how bad did you win?

**sycld** · 10-19-2009, 05:14 PM

Originally Posted by Darth Vader

how bad did you win?

probably was a solid win, but then again he wasn't beating up the obese or infirmed.

i hope you'll let us know when you have beaten up an elderly person.

also what kind of dumbass gets in a fight with a stranger in the middle of a mall

**raghead** · 10-19-2009, 05:17 PM

first round beat his ass, but only got a 10-9 cause he over played a nut shot(i'm not even sure i touched his cup)
second round beat the fuck out of him, the ref pulled me off and 8 counted him so that was technically a knock down, then i immediately knocked him down again but the ref counted it as a slip unfortunately. 10-8 for me.
third round i had absolutely no gas left(cut too much weight+first fight adrenaline dump) and kept clinching and letting him trip me so i could get a little rest. at one point he hit me pretty good and i stumbled, but it was more due to fatigue than actually being hurt. 10-9 him.
unanimous decision, 29-27.
also i fought like an absolute retard, just dropping my hands and throwing bombs. didn't do a thing we worked on in training lol. hopefully since the first is out of the way that wont happen again.

**Darth Vader** · 10-19-2009, 05:23 PM

Originally Posted by raghead

first round beat his ass, but only got a 10-9 cause he over played a nut shot(i'm not even sure i touched his cup)
second round beat the fuck out of him, the ref pulled me off and 8 counted him so that was technically a knock down, then i immediately knocked him down again but the ref counted it as a slip unfortunately. 10-8 for me.
third round i had absolutely no gas left(cut too much weight+first fight adrenaline dump) and kept clinching and letting him trip me so i could get a little rest. at one point he hit me pretty good and i stumbled, but it was more due to fatigue than actually being hurt. 10-9 him.
unanimous decision, 29-27.
also i fought like an absolute retard, just dropping my hands and throwing bombs. didn't do a thing we worked on in training lol. hopefully since the first is out of the way that wont happen again.

I still make some fucking stupid mistakes in my third fight. I'm a little too reliant on my foot speed to get me out of trouble, so I've got a problem with letting my hands droop when I'm not tired lol.

**raghead** · 10-19-2009, 05:27 PM

i was straight up brawlin though dude, it was real bad lol
i think the main problem was i had a size advantage on this guy, and i'm almost always the smallest guy by far. so i already had it in my head that he couldnt hurt me, which probably made my retardation worsen because it wasn't really like "if you dont keep your hands up you're gettin starched". the fact that the idiot let me land hay makers on him and blocked my straight punches probably made it worse too lol.

**thank mr skeltal** · 10-19-2009, 05:30 PM

itt raghead is a legit fighter and darth vadar nonchalantly tries to blend in by quoting him as a parlay into discussing his own mall fight

**raghead** · 10-19-2009, 05:41 PM

itt he's fought more than i have
(in a ring)

**thank mr skeltal** · 10-19-2009, 05:43 PM

Originally Posted by raghead

itt he's fought more than i have
(in a ring)

if you mean a ring of anal sphincter muscles

**Darth Vader** · 10-19-2009, 05:52 PM

Originally Posted by Rick Scarf

if you mean a ring of anal sphincter muscles

this had me giggling like a school girl who just saw her first penis
wow i need to stop reading syclds posts...

**solecistic** · 10-19-2009, 06:24 PM

oh darth vader you are such a hunk

**Darth Vader** · 10-19-2009, 06:30 PM

Originally Posted by solecistic

oh darth vader you are such a hunk

oh why thank you baby
your house or mine?

**sycld** · 10-19-2009, 06:58 PM

Originally Posted by solecistic

oh darth vader you are such a hunk

are you sure? i can't tell if it's male or female

**Mang** · 10-19-2009, 07:01 PM

so which faggot are you in the picture

**hedgerow** · 10-19-2009, 07:32 PM

Originally Posted by Mang

so which faggot are you in the picture

just look for the one that looks more like an athlete than an intellectual

**sailor jack** · 10-19-2009, 07:34 PM

the douchbaggy looking one

(i dont know but either way im right)

**Mang** · 10-19-2009, 07:35 PM

Originally Posted by hydro

just look for the one that looks more like an athlete than an intellectual

i'm still having a hard time

**simonj** · 10-19-2009, 07:45 PM

I think intellectual was a poor word choice.

**TheOriginalGrumpySpy** · 10-19-2009, 07:48 PM

I'm thinking he's the Ankh.

**Vengeful Scars** · 10-19-2009, 08:02 PM

I thought it was the Emo, as he's in every single photo, but douche is only in 2 of 3

**Nick2.1** · 10-19-2009, 08:03 PM

Originally Posted by TheOriginalGrumpySpy

I'm thinking he's the Ankh.

He looks like Nick G. from Mr Chang's class.

**TheOriginalGrumpySpy** · 10-19-2009, 08:06 PM

Originally Posted by Vengeful Scars

I thought it was the Emo, as he's in every single photo, but douche is only in 2 of 3

Yeah, the one wearing the Ankh. (I believe it's the ankh)

And who the hell is Nick G?

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