(No title, because I didn't give it one)

I'm so fucking old
Compared to what I was yesterday
16 without a clue to the world
Now I'm 24 and in a worse spot than before.

Defeated, beaten
With head held high
And a broken back.
Waking up after the night before

More realizations
More anger.

My lungs barely wheeze in my chest anymore
My teeth are falling out of my head
My organs are disowning and attacking me

All my 'friends' are liars.

I'm a disgrace to my own family,
I'm a disgrace to myself.
Endless potential,
Could've had the opportunities,
Pissed 'em away
Before I had the chance to know
To know what the fuck I was doing
To myself.

I could've been a doctor
A lawyer
A writer.

I'm stuck here with this pitiful excuse,
as a means of expression.
I'm stuck here
Barely in a life

I could have had it,
Would have had it too
But the lure of nothing
Of no worries
Got to me.
Now, stuck here,
Worrying about how I'll eat tomorrow
About how I'll buy medicine for 2 more weeks,
Selling my soul in order to see tomorrow
With no one to commiserate with,
No one left to bring down.

Leveled cities lay all around me
This is more than temporary.
Having a stare down with the sun,
Would be more satisfactory
Than my life's turned out
or will ever become.

Something I hear everyday
Words that I know are true,
But refuse to accept
I'm a bastard, an asshole
The lowest of the low,
I don't need anyone else to tell me
What I already know.
Those closest around you
Can break you the worst.
I don't need to hear someone
Tell me I'm a cocksucker
For the smallest transgressions

I can only take short breaths,
And I've got heavy eyes,
I want to lay down and sleep.
Sleep it all away.
Just to wake up again
In the morning to feel
To feel how I went to sleep,
Working my way to nothing,
Hoping today is the day I forget,
Forget about what I've done to myself.
What have I done to myself?

From liquor stores
To parking lots
To run down houses
To stranger's rooms,
I am what everyone knows,
Except for me.
I am nothing.