This is the beginning of a book I'm writing.
Unfortunately I rarely ever have time for it.


When I looked outside the window I could see nothing.
I found myself staring into the darkness.
The vast unknown excited me. It kept me going.
Just as much as it scared me.
Decided to stay at home. Couldn't find any rest.
Turned on the TV. No signal. Cold. Alone.
"Take a walk."
"What are you afraid of anyway, boy?"
"You already lost it all."
Convinced myself. Took my coat; went outside.
Whatever should happen, I didn't care...

One of my poems.

Mellow Melancholy

If you asked me what I'd like to do now...

I'd stop sinking.
And start falling.

# I'd lose control,
# Let go of all thoughts,
# Give up my dreams,
# Forget my desires,
# Abandon my hopes,
# Conceal my needs,
# Stop breathing,
# Bury my feelings,
# Lock away the love,
# Release you.

10 seconds at the brink of eternity.
I'd get lost in this bittersweet cocktail of infinity and emptyness.
Just for a second.
Then I'd dive into a mellow world of melancholy.
Hiding in tall brown grass and watching the sun go down on me.
Point Zero.
I'd have laid off everything I ever had,
I ever wanted, I never knew what it really was.

I'd start soaring,
Right into the light;
I'd wake up,
See your smile.
Appreciate it. Know what it is. What it is worth.



When you lie with me,
When you kiss me,
When I feel your heart beating,
I think...

"I love the sun.
I love the rye.
I love your scent.
I love your smile."

And could rest a while,

"But I don't love you."