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Thread: I am proud of me.

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    Take orally. no_brains_no_worries's Avatar
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    Default I am proud of me.

    So one of my biggest fears since ever, is waking up face to face with something disturbing, like, oh I dunno...A huge fucking spider. Well, today I roll over and open up one eye to see, low and behold, a big black widow spider was sharing my pillow (not a GIANT spider, but probably as thick as my thumb) and was chilling not three inches from my face.

    Now, having gone over this scenario in my head many a time, I was figuring this is the time I'd shriek like a little girl, dash out of my bedroom and consider everything inside the spider's property from there on out. Instead, I calmly got up, went over to my bookshelf and grabbed the dictionary, and then brought hardback justice down upon the offender (is it just me or do black widows crunch more then other spiders?)

    Anyway, once the venomous thing was a stain on the face of the dictionary, I toss the book and the pillow over to the side of the room and then settle back down into bed and catch a few hours sleep. So yes, I am proud of me because I faced a grand fear of mine and came out the better man for it...and killed one of the most sinister things God has ever created in the process.
    Quote Originally Posted by ozzy View Post
    He came to the states for his birthday and now he's going home in a body bag. That's what you get for sending your child to Utah.
    Quote Originally Posted by raghead View Post
    i would have whipped out my dick in that situation
    Quote Originally Posted by KT. View Post
    News flash, guys can't get pregnant from vaginal sex either.
    Quote Originally Posted by Atmoscheer View Post
    But what is their policy on winning the hearts and minds through forcible vaginal entry?

  2. #2
    I killed Tupac Shinysides's Avatar
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    I was under the impression that black widows didn't get very big.

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    A very manly muppet Mad Pino Rage's Avatar
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    Male black widows are very small. You just killed a female black widow that probably just ate it's mate and has laid eggs somewhere in or around your pillow/bed/bedroom.
    Unthinking respect for authority is the greatest enemy of truth.
    Albert Einstein

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    Superfly Pepsi's Avatar
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    It would be "myself", not "me", you illiterate, backwoods goatfucker.

    In related news, spiders will only bite if you provoke them.
    I hear the voices inside my head. They counsel me. They understand. They talk to me.

    Quote Originally Posted by djwolford View Post
    You know, when Tidus points out that you have failed at internetting, it's probably time to go ahead and off yourself.
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    pepsi reserves the right to tell cryptic to get out at any time

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    λεγιων ονομα μοι sycld's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mad Pino Rage View Post
    Male black widows are very small. You just killed a female black widow that probably just ate it's mate and has laid eggs somewhere in or around your pillow/bed/bedroom.
    or his nose/sinuses or his inner ear.


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    Atheists are quite right

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    Take orally. no_brains_no_worries's Avatar
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    Tidus, why do you try so hard? You have no one to impress.

    And thanks sycld, I'll going to go snort some coke and run boiling water through my ears. Excuse me.
    Quote Originally Posted by ozzy View Post
    He came to the states for his birthday and now he's going home in a body bag. That's what you get for sending your child to Utah.
    Quote Originally Posted by raghead View Post
    i would have whipped out my dick in that situation
    Quote Originally Posted by KT. View Post
    News flash, guys can't get pregnant from vaginal sex either.
    Quote Originally Posted by Atmoscheer View Post
    But what is their policy on winning the hearts and minds through forcible vaginal entry?

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    λεγιων ονομα μοι sycld's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by no_brains_no_worries View Post
    And thanks sycld, I'll going to go snort some coke and run boiling water through my ears. Excuse me.
    i don't think that's going to quite work, but burning hot pitch in your nose and ears would probably do the trick.


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    Quote Originally Posted by Think View Post
    Atheists are quite right

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    When I was 10 or 11 I found a dead spider in my bed and refused to sleep there for a few months.

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    kiss my sweaty balls benzss's Avatar
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    I have a similar plan for spiders

    Venomous ones just involve shrieking louder and louder
    well i mean

    Quote Originally Posted by Mang View Post
    I need to see a girl getting penetrated in 4 orifices

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    λεγιων ονομα μοι sycld's Avatar
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    the suggested response for italians when they got bit by a certain tarantula was to dance a wild frenzied folk dance, appropriately enough called the "tarantella."

    that probably just spread the venom faster.

    i think you should learn the tarantella for future spider attacks.


    PANDAS
    If you don't like them, then get the fuck out.

    Quote Originally Posted by Think View Post
    Atheists are quite right

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    Take orally. no_brains_no_worries's Avatar
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    All I know about spider bites is from the Palahnuck book Rant. Apparently some venomous reactions include a rock hard boner. Nature's viagra if you will.
    Quote Originally Posted by ozzy View Post
    He came to the states for his birthday and now he's going home in a body bag. That's what you get for sending your child to Utah.
    Quote Originally Posted by raghead View Post
    i would have whipped out my dick in that situation
    Quote Originally Posted by KT. View Post
    News flash, guys can't get pregnant from vaginal sex either.
    Quote Originally Posted by Atmoscheer View Post
    But what is their policy on winning the hearts and minds through forcible vaginal entry?

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    It's clear that you have no idea what a good thread looks like.
    I hear the voices inside my head. They counsel me. They understand. They talk to me.

    Quote Originally Posted by djwolford View Post
    You know, when Tidus points out that you have failed at internetting, it's probably time to go ahead and off yourself.
    Quote Originally Posted by gwahir View Post
    pepsi reserves the right to tell cryptic to get out at any time

    it's in the CD charter

  13. #13
    Journeyman Cocksmith Mr. E's Avatar
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    Yeah, generally if you see a black widow there are eggs somewhere near you.

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    i got colours WellAdjusted's Avatar
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    I can't kill spiders, I end up feeling bad.. so I would have had to find someone else to kill it or try to get it outside...

    I think you handled the situation quite well.

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    I can't kill spiders because I have this fucked up idea that, if I do, every other spider in the world will take revenge.

    This is obviously despite the fact there are virtually no dangerous arachnids in this country.

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    I used to (when I was like, 6) call all the ants out around the pool then step on them... and I am now trying to make amends by not killing anything. Except zombies of course.

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    No, you're doing it the wrong way. You should make amends by killing everything. Otherwise you look prejudiced against ants.

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    Hahaha, well I've stopped killing ants though...

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    Just as long as you keep getting abortions we're still cool.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Pepsi View Post
    It's clear that you have no idea what a good thread looks like.
    So by mentioning this does this mean your e-cock gets bigger? Getting criticized by you is like getting weight loss advice by a sea cow.

    Quote Originally Posted by simonj View Post
    I can't kill spiders because I have this fucked up idea that, if I do, every other spider in the world will take revenge.
    I have the same feeling sometimes. When I was little I saw a swarm of Daddy longlegs and thought that spiders had hives like bees.
    Quote Originally Posted by ozzy View Post
    He came to the states for his birthday and now he's going home in a body bag. That's what you get for sending your child to Utah.
    Quote Originally Posted by raghead View Post
    i would have whipped out my dick in that situation
    Quote Originally Posted by KT. View Post
    News flash, guys can't get pregnant from vaginal sex either.
    Quote Originally Posted by Atmoscheer View Post
    But what is their policy on winning the hearts and minds through forcible vaginal entry?

  21. #21
    feel like funkin' it up gwahir's Avatar
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    i should not have opened this thread

    my sleep tonight will be troubled

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    Quote Originally Posted by no_brains_no_worries View Post
    So by mentioning this does this mean your e-cock gets bigger? Getting criticized by you is like getting weight loss advice by a sea cow.



    I have the same feeling sometimes. When I was little I saw a swarm of Daddy longlegs and thought that spiders had hives like bees.
    no my e-cock does not get bigger.

    i just like pointing out the obvious.
    I hear the voices inside my head. They counsel me. They understand. They talk to me.

    Quote Originally Posted by djwolford View Post
    You know, when Tidus points out that you have failed at internetting, it's probably time to go ahead and off yourself.
    Quote Originally Posted by gwahir View Post
    pepsi reserves the right to tell cryptic to get out at any time

    it's in the CD charter

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    the eagle
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    I was able to extract the queen bee hormone and make a bee suit. It was pretty sweet.

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    the eagle
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    Out of living bees.

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    the eagle
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    Also, you know the sand storm with Imoptehp's face in The Mummy? I can do that. With bees.

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    You know when Imhotep gets his arm cut off and then he picks it up and puts it back on?

    I can do that.

    Without bees.
    I hear the voices inside my head. They counsel me. They understand. They talk to me.

    Quote Originally Posted by djwolford View Post
    You know, when Tidus points out that you have failed at internetting, it's probably time to go ahead and off yourself.
    Quote Originally Posted by gwahir View Post
    pepsi reserves the right to tell cryptic to get out at any time

    it's in the CD charter

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    Quote Originally Posted by no_brains_no_worries View Post
    So one of my biggest fears since ever, is waking up face to face with something disturbing, like, oh I dunno...A huge fucking spider.
    woman
    Quote Originally Posted by benzss View Post
    I have a similar plan for spiders

    Venomous ones just involve shrieking louder and louder
    woman
    Quote Originally Posted by jared View Post
    When I was 10 or 11 I found a dead spider in my bed and refused to sleep there for a few months.
    woman
    Quote Originally Posted by WellAdjusted View Post
    I can't kill spiders, I end up feeling bad.. so I would have had to find someone else to kill it or try to get it outside...
    woman
    Quote Originally Posted by simonj View Post
    I can't kill spiders because I have this fucked up idea that, if I do, every other spider in the world will take revenge.
    woman

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    feel like funkin' it up gwahir's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by faesce View Post
    woman
    that one actually is a woman

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    Quote Originally Posted by MalReynolds View Post
    Also, you know the sand storm with Imoptehp's face in The Mummy? I can do that. With bees.
    This is totally weird, but I don't think I've ever been stung by a bee before. Also, use your powers for good.
    Quote Originally Posted by ozzy View Post
    He came to the states for his birthday and now he's going home in a body bag. That's what you get for sending your child to Utah.
    Quote Originally Posted by raghead View Post
    i would have whipped out my dick in that situation
    Quote Originally Posted by KT. View Post
    News flash, guys can't get pregnant from vaginal sex either.
    Quote Originally Posted by Atmoscheer View Post
    But what is their policy on winning the hearts and minds through forcible vaginal entry?

  30. #30
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    I now have the urge to watch Arachnophobia, which is strange because that is a horrible movie.

    This thread just makes me happy i don't have to deal with poisonous spiders. Living in Norther Minnesota means that I generally only have to deal with daddy long legs or those really annoying brown spiders that like to live in basement rooms and make a funny smushy noise when you kill them.

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    Quote Originally Posted by ViciousMentality View Post
    I now have the urge to watch Arachnophobia, which is strange because that is a horrible movie.

    This thread just makes me happy i don't have to deal with poisonous spiders. Living in Norther Minnesota means that I generally only have to deal with daddy long legs or those really annoying brown spiders that like to live in basement rooms and make a funny smushy noise when you kill them.
    Those wouldn't happen to be Brown Recluses would they? You know, the spider who's venom can cause your flesh to rot?
    Quote Originally Posted by ozzy View Post
    He came to the states for his birthday and now he's going home in a body bag. That's what you get for sending your child to Utah.
    Quote Originally Posted by raghead View Post
    i would have whipped out my dick in that situation
    Quote Originally Posted by KT. View Post
    News flash, guys can't get pregnant from vaginal sex either.
    Quote Originally Posted by Atmoscheer View Post
    But what is their policy on winning the hearts and minds through forcible vaginal entry?

  32. #32
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    Well I looked up brown recluse spider and it definitely isn't one of those. The spiders I'm talking about are much too fat with way shorter legs.

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