Thread: Space Station 13

I tried to make this more relevant to CD, but within seconds of starting the game this is what happened:

Atmosfearagän Dushdoranov [145.9] says, "Hello station, I am your glorious Quartermaster OH GOD"
Unknown fires a revolver at Atmosfearagän Dushdoranov!
Unknown fires a revolver at Atmosfearagän Dushdoranov!
You have given up life and succumbed to death.

THE STORY OF STATION CHAPLAIN MAGNUS "SHITFACED" SHETLANDI AND THE MAGICAL DONUT BOXES

Magnus Shetlandi [145.9] says, "HELLO STATION MY FIRST GOAL IS TO GET SHITFACED"
Magnus Shetlandi [145.9] says, "BECAUSE OF THE GREAT DISSERVICE TO THE LORD AND SHITFACE I SHIT"
Magnus Shetlandi grunts for a moment. Nothing happens.
[...]
Zatch Niro [145.9] says, "who needs assistancing"
Magnus Shetlandi [145.9] says, "ME"
Magnus Shetlandi [145.9] says, "I MUST SHIT"
[...]
Magnus Shetlandi poops all over the floor!
Magnus Shetlandi [145.9] says, "IN MY INABILITY TO GET SHITFACED I HATH SHIT UPON THE FLOOR OF THE CAPTAIN'S BRIDGE"
[...]
detective stabler [145.9] says, "janitor to the bridge you gotta clean up this shit"
[...]
Magnus Shetlandi says, "OH GOD"
Magnus Shetlandi says, "HELP"
Edgar Killaslot asks, "what?"
Magnus Shetlandi says, "LET ME OUT"
Andrex Awesometon says, "Hes going to shit in your office"
Magnus Shetlandi says, "LET ME OUT"
Magnus Shetlandi sneezes.
Magnus Shetlandi poops all over the floor!
Edgar Killaslot says, "wow"
[....]
Francis Ashbaugh [145.9] exclaims, "Chaplain!"
Francis Ashbaugh [145.9] exclaims, "Chaplain, are you alive!"
Magnus Shetlandi asks, "YES?"
Francis Ashbaugh [145.9] asks, "Your the chaplain, no?"
You hear a roar as the crematorium activates.
Magnus Shetlandi [145.9] asks, "Yes?"
The ashes slip through your fingers.
Francis Ashbaugh [145.9] asks, "Can you come back to the church?"
Magnus Shetlandi [145.9] says, "Yes."
Francis Ashbaugh [145.9] says, "Thank you"
[...]
Magnus Shetlandi says, "Hello bartender."
Francis Ashbaugh is buckled in by Magnus Shetlandi!
Magnus Shetlandi says, "WHAT IS IT YOU WANT"
Francis Ashbaugh says, "Hello"
Francis Ashbaugh says, "Well"
Francis Ashbaugh says, "A friend of mine was killed"
Magnus Shetlandi says, "By?"
Francis Ashbaugh says, "Uh"
Magnus Shetlandi says, "YOU SHALL JOIN HIM THEN"
Francis Ashbaugh says, "A gunshot wound by... (Scrolling up..)"
Francis Ashbaugh has been stunned with the stun baton by Magnus Shetlandi!
Francis Ashbaugh is unbuckled by Magnus Shetlandi.
Francis Ashbaugh says, "shit"
(I drag him to crematorium slab)
You hear a roar as the crematorium activates.