Making Friends

**Anonymous** · 03-03-2012, 11:13 PM

I recently moved to a new town for a job and don't know anyone. I thought about going to bars alone but I really have no idea how to make friends. As a kid it was easy but I have no idea how to make new friends as an adult.

**Vengeful Scars** · 03-03-2012, 11:15 PM

I have a hard time meeting random new people as well. My best advice I can give is to try to go to local events, and try to mix with people there.

Do you have to deal with coworkers in your job? They can help you network away to find new friends.

**thank mr skeltal** · 03-03-2012, 11:24 PM

Assuming since you're posting on an internet forum that you're kind of a geek like us, you might try reddit.com/r/yourcityname , there are subreddits for most every semi-major city that have meetups and stuff you can get involved with. Go to one, have a few drinks and let 'em know you have a fridge full of beer if they want to come back to your place for some DDR or Guitar Hero or something.

**KT.** · 03-03-2012, 11:43 PM

Have you thought about taking a class? You could take a photography class or cooking class or whatever you're interested in. That way (A) you're being productive even if you don't meet people you want to be friends with and (B) you're more likely to meet people who share common interests. The reason why it was a lot easier making friends as a kid was probably because you saw the same people over and over. You got to know them before you became friends. You most likely didn't go up to random kids and suddenly became friends with them.

**gwahir** · 03-04-2012, 04:45 AM

gotta say, the only reason it's easier as a kid is that you're forced to spend time with the same people repeatedly: school kids, your parents' friends' kids, neighbour kids... etc. and that's all you need to do now -- find a way to spend time with the same people over and over. that's the core of it. now, it could be clubs, classes, work, and so on -- and the more you enjoy what it is that brings that group of people together, the more you'll enjoy the company of those people (probably). bars aren't so good for that kind of thing unless they're like cheers, where the same people go to hang out all the time...

basically, there's no easy answer how to make friends in a new place, and there's no shortcut. you just have to find a set of people and see them a bunch.

**ShitFace** · 03-04-2012, 06:38 AM

Originally Posted by Rick Scarf

Assuming since you're posting on an internet forum that you're kind of a geek like us, you might try reddit.com/r/yourcityname , there are subreddits for most every semi-major city that have meetups and stuff you can get involved with. Go to one, have a few drinks and let 'em know you have a fridge full of beer if they want to come back to your place for some DDR or Guitar Hero or something.

This is the best suggestion itt so far imo.

I would suggest just go to bars and try to find someone else in a similar position and make a joke about it? I'm not brilliant at this kinda thing, but that usually works for me.

**Atomic** · 03-04-2012, 07:51 AM

In addition to all these wonderful suggestions you could also join a club. Chess club, running club, hiking club or shooting club. If there is a hobby then there is probably a club in your area for it. You've heard the expression "Join the club..." well.

**Trottski** · 03-04-2012, 11:02 AM

I think making new friends can be so nerve wrecking but if you think of it in a more positive way - you only need to make 1 friend really then together you can mingle with other people. I think the ideas of joining clubs etc are far better than just going to a bar by yourself - you're more likely to make friends for life when you're sober + you'll have similar interests. Plus you'll undoubtedly make friends at work - why don't you see if people want to go for a drink post shift or something. Sure you'll be fine! Good luck

**crapoo16** · 03-04-2012, 09:33 PM

I suck too, I meet people but I can hardly keep a conversation with them. I just met this girl 2 weeks ago at an event, we sat together, talked a little bit. Then when the event ended, I picked up my backpack and left, didn't even say bye, or see you later (though I'm seeing her like everyday now lol). I guess being a mysterious guy and having people come up to you and ask you questions don't work.. But yeah, I think definitely your co-workers would be the first place to start. That's part of the reason I got a job at school, so I could make more friends And they of course, have tons of friends too! You'll meet them all eventually.

**Anonymous** · 03-05-2012, 04:19 AM

Co worker would be hard since I'm their manager

**gina** · 03-05-2012, 10:01 AM

Does your college have alumni events? Those could hold a good chance to network and meet new people.

**Atmosfear** · 03-05-2012, 11:51 AM

I also moved recently, to a place that I didn't think I had any friends. It turned out, once I started networking through people close to home, there were lots of people that I already sort-of knew here. It was just a matter of having my close friends say, "Hey, my friend Atmosfear just moved to town... you should totally hang out!" and then meeting for drinks or whatever. Also, don't underestimate the power of Facebook; I think people are always happy to see an old, familiar face.

As has been mentioned, the easiest way to find people like you is to join groups of people doing what you like. If you like to play sports, find a team or a pickup game. If you like to volunteer, join a volunteer organization that does something you're interested in. If you're into it, join a local church or youth group ("youth" now extends to your 20s in many church communities.) And if, like Scarf said, you're a geek who doesn't like those things, use Reddit or Meetup or similar sites to find activities specific to your interests.

In my experience, as a guy, replacing guy friends is much more difficult than girls; girls are, by nature, more open to this type of thing than guys. I know that, if I were with a group of friends, and some dude approached me for conversation that I didn't know, I'd assume that he was hitting on me, and look to end it as soon as possible.

Personally, I could never do the whole "go to a bar alone" thing. It's one thing to go to a restaurant and eat at the bar alone (which I don't mind, particularly while reading a book), but I just don't think I would enjoy drinking by myself, trying to find people to talk to.

**dudeman** · 03-05-2012, 09:18 PM

I've been to two local reddit meetups. Here's a piece of advice for those: if you want to make friends at a meetup, be aggressive. The results of both of them were an hour or two of boring ass conversation over watered-down beer with no numbers being collected and no names remembered. If you want to continue meeting up with someone, don't be shy to be the first one to ask for numbers. Follow up when you feel the need to do so and make some friends.