Thread: i am just sad, all of the time.

Originally Posted by sycld

You definitely sound like you're experiencing depression. In my case, the two sides of the coin are anxiety and depression. Anxiety is the dread and panic fear of what's going to happen to you, and depression is the feeling of irrevocable loss, of mourning over an internal deficiency or a lost future that can never be realized. Anxiety is terror, but depression is contemplative sadness over the void of your life. Loss of energy is a big sign. Another sign for males, if you've experienced it, is getting more easily angry than you would otherwise. Most all of what you said is extremely similar to what I've experienced as the depression face of the coin.

i'm lucky enough not to have significant anxiety (i have one thing that really makes me anxious in an immediate sense, which is the fear that i'm not going to get enough sleep. it's weird) but i have a couple of friends who have social and chronic anxiety that ranges from annoying to crippling so i know what a burden it is. my ex was diagnosed with depression and anxiety long before we met.

i didn't know that being quicker to anger was a recognised symptom, but it just makes sense that being generally down leads to heightened anger responses. it's definitely been true for me -- i still have scabs on my hand from when i punched a wall last week, and i never feel violent/punchy urges.

all that is just information if anyone cares. i think it's beyond doubt that i'm depressed, but it's good to know that things i'm feeling are pretty de rigueur. it's comforting in a sense.

Originally Posted by sycld

There's things you can do which don't require a shrink, but do require you to stick to them regularly and to get over feeling silly for doing them (it's a common reaction, not that I'd expect you in particular to react this way). One thing to write is a pride and gratitude journal. Seriously think about something you did that day which you're proud of and something that you're thankful for in your life that impacted you that day. It's not a huge step, but if you take doing this seriously and do it everyday, after a while it could make a difference.

firstly, i know that by arguing in any way i'm just enabling my feelings and being stubborn.

secondly, i am truly grateful for certain things. i think about them a lot. i'd struggle to come up with things that i'm proud of, though. i feel a lot more shame and guilt than pride.

Originally Posted by sycld

Beyond this, you might want to learn about "cognitive distortions," which are ways in which our minds distort reality to make things seem worse than they really are. That can help you start rationally identifying in what ways your perceptions of your life are distorted, and writing down evidence against and for these distorted perceptions can also help.

i wrote this in the thread from last year:

For a few years I have, in a sort of sick way, craved a diagnosis of depression, so my occasionally extreme periods of sadness could be somehow legitimised; so I could at least tell myself I'm sad because my brain sucks, and not because my life does.

so i sort of know what you're going on about. the trouble is... whenever i try reassure myself that my perceptions are distorted, the evidence always seems to lean heavily the other way.

Originally Posted by sycld

(God... I've been doing this fuzzy affirmation therapy bullshit for too long.)

any long is too long. i wish neither of us needed it in the first place.

man, i'm just sick and tired of feeling jealous of the names in the obituaries.