Thread: i am just sad, all of the time.

Originally Posted by gwahir

heh, at least that's one fun little side effect, i suppose. still, your situation blows and i hope that an opportunity presents itself without much delay.

Well, I'm back to my old self.

And apparently I might graduate with a PhD after all. I have 6 months to do it.

I don't think I can do it. And if I can't, I don't know what'll happen to me.

how do people go through life in misery? i just don't know. when i was about 15 i had all those deep teenage epiphanies -- like, i don't believe in god, free will is an illusion either by way of physical determinism or quantum randomness, and most importantly that if death is oblivion then it's nothing to be feared. i don't know how long i'll have the stamina to keep on keepin' on when i know inside that checking out is a viable option.

yikes, emo alert

What I don't understand is how people can go through life period. It's hard for me to do the smallest day-to-day things that I just can't comprehend how people who have far more responsibilities and stresses on them than I handle it. I might be able to handle life if I had no responsibilities whatsoever, but then that'd just mean I'd have complete freedom to completely separate myself from reality which would be even worse.

As for "checking out" and death being oblivion, it could just be me, but I can't imagine oblivion, the idea of which I am certain is anathema to most people's imaginations. Yes, I agree that I am 100% a physical being and that death is the end of that physical being's operation. Still I suspect it's beyond most people's imaginations too, if they REALLY try and imagine what's after the that transition from life to (blank). It's one thing to be forced to go through this because of circumstances beyond one's control, but to willingly cross forces me consider what it means to arrive on the other side of this, which is something I cannot do.

Speaking of that transition, I've heard about accounts of the final hallucinations people experience while their bodies begin to shut down, as well as considered imagined fictional accounts of this. The closest I've ever experienced are sorts of half-waking dreams, and the idea that I'd have to cross this final barrier between life and nothing seems utterly exhausting.

The idea of simply not existing just seems so inconceivable that it makes me wonder how many, if any, really in their deepest of hearts want to end their life. I know that there are occasions when this is the case, but I am talking about the more typical situations of the people who attempt to do this. Even when they carefully plan out their attempt to make it as likely to work as possible with the least chance of rescue, they probably are only fooling themselves into thinking they really want to end their lives. It's men that typically plan things out to be as likely to succeed as possible, and I think that it's just the greater shame that men harbor of turning to suicide that makes them commit to it so much more.

That actually felt good to get off my chest, somehow