thanks maesce

Quote Originally Posted by sycld View Post
This is completely off topic, but sort of not, but there's a good chance that after years of being a PhD student I'm getting unceremoniously dismissed without a degree. Years where instead I could have been accumulating work experience.

So scootch over please, make room in your boat for one more.

At this point, things seem so bleak that I'm literally living from minute to minute. The funny thing is that I'm managing to enjoy some of my time doing absolutely unproductive stupid things like watching Zombieland to the end finally. Before whenever I procrastinated like this, there was a constant background thumping of dread. Now that all my fears seem to be unfolding, it's like when I'm dealing with things I'm full of utter and complete terror, humiliation and self-loathing, but when I'm doing something completely dumb and fun I can actually get into it more... or something.
sorry, i haven't really checked in much in the last few days and more or less forgot about this to reply

heh, at least that's one fun little side effect, i suppose. still, your situation blows and i hope that an opportunity presents itself without much delay.

how do people go through life in misery? i just don't know. when i was about 15 i had all those deep teenage epiphanies -- like, i don't believe in god, free will is an illusion either by way of physical determinism or quantum randomness, and most importantly that if death is oblivion then it's nothing to be feared. i don't know how long i'll have the stamina to keep on keepin' on when i know inside that checking out is a viable option.

yikes, emo alert

what is your coping mechanism for the feeling of unending despair?