there's a quote by mark twain (i think) that sums up my feelings towards oblivion, and it's something like

"i was dead for millions of years before i was born, so why should i fear it now?"

i'm not going to argue the logic of such a line of thought, but it's an attitude that makes not being alive something that's... well, easy to want.

anyway, i've made the decision to see my psych again regularly starting ASAP, cost be damned. i can't go on without improvement, and i don't know how to make improvement come myself. so, the decision was a simple one.