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Thread: Met a girl online. A few issues.

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    can't post; too scared Anonymous's Avatar
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    Default Met a girl online. A few issues.

    I met a girl on a dating site after being single for a while(I've only really had one serious girlfriend before, but it lasted a while). I spent the weekend with her last week after video chatting/talking on the phone with her for about a week and it went well. We ended up having sex a few times and she wants to come back this weekend(I work during the week and she lives a town away, but it's only a half hour bus ride).

    I'm not sure what to do next. She was a sweet girl and it was nice to have someone next to me in bed to cuddle and spend time with. She seems to want a relationship and I do as well to a point. There are a few issues that are troubling me - She has never had a job(she's 23) and has a caregiver(??) that she and her mom live with but she wants to move out soon after she gets a job. She also has to take medication(vitamins and bi-polar though she says it's not major) seemingly everyday. She is a bigger girl though, but a very cute face and personality. I've seen pictures of her when she was a few years younger and she looked amazing so I know that if she lost a few pounds she'd be perfect but that's making me feel like an ass which is part of the problem I'm having.

    She's not really a girl I feel comfortable bragging about or bringing around friends at parties. I'm a shy person and have trouble being myself around very attractive girls. I'm a fairly decent looking guy, but I'm also not in the best shape at the moment(I could lose about 25 lbs and be good). I'm being shallow, but I do really like this girl and want to spend more time with her. Should I just take it slow and test the waters for a while?

    Has anyone ever dated someone who had to take medication or someone who lived with a care giver? What does that even mean? She said she was in a foster home since 14 and her mom's on disability. Her caregiver seems like a task master from what I heard on the phone when she called and from what I've been told. Anyway, I just hastily typed this up and any insight would be appreciated. Thanks.

  2. #2
    Senior Member Nick2.1's Avatar
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    I have a friend and a brother who are bi-polar, they aren't the type to get into a relationship with. They become easily possessive, even with the medication. When they don't take medication, you can see how bad and crazy they can be(sometimes abusive). If you don't want to risk a relationship with a possible emotional headcase, then I'd suggest you cut ties before it becomes an actual thing. I haven't met every bi-polar person, but this is pretty much what I've seen so far from them.

  3. #3
    calmer than you are dude
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    1. She's never had a job.
    You need to make sure this whole situation is taken care of before you get involved in a serious, invested relationship. If this is something that is more than just a pet peeve, and could possibly become a roadblock to your emotional relationship, then it's better to get this thing taken care of before it can really get messy. I suggest just telling her how this makes you feel as the sole provider of income and what (if anything) she can/is willing to do to remedy the situation.

    2. She takes medication.
    I'm going to be as blunt about this as I can: If you are willing to break off what could potentially be a beautiful relationship because she takes medication (for OCD, bi-polar, more or less ANYTHING, sans serious round-the-clock required medical treatment (maybe this is the reason for the caregiver)), then you are incredibly shallow person who does not deserve happiness, at least not this time around. Sorry, but bi-polar disorder is not terminal cancer, and if it makes you that uncomfortable that she has to take some pills every day to feel her best, then honestly, you're just a dick.

    3. She could stand to lose a few pounds.
    So could you, buddy, by your own admission, so I think this is a situation where you don't really have a leg on which to stand. If you're a health nut, and you go to the gym every day, getting sculpted abs/pecs, fitness is your life, then maybe this is really a dealbreaker to you. So be it. But it sounds like you're not really the kind of person who goes and works out every day (and if you started to, just to impress some chick, i'm sure you'd stop within a month or two), so I'm not really sure where you get the arrogance of thinking you can judge someone else because they aren't a hardbody 10/10. Obviously, she looked past YOUR chubby factor; I'm sure you could too. If it's really that big a deal to you, you could make a ritual or little thing to do when you're together -- you can go on runs or bike rides together.

    So far, I'm not really sure any of these are valid 'dealbreakers', at least in my personal opinion. If these arguments ARE incredibly important to you, then maybe this ISN'T a situation you want to be involved in. However, I get a feeling that these are more pet peeves than really big deals to you, so maybe you could come up with some way to deal with these issues on your own or together, because it may not be totally smart to kill what potentially could be a great relationship because you have some personal baggage.

    This is tangential (and anecdotal), but the most sane, reasonable, and emotionally stable girl I ever dated had depression and bi-polar disorder and took medication for both. If you can get past the stigma, you might be thankful for it a few weeks, months, or even years down the line.

    Good luck.

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    Journeyman Cocksmith Mr. E's Avatar
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    I find the bi-polar stigma is significant and that it is a profoundly misunderstood condition. To steal from dark llama's comparison a bit, saying that bi-polar people are possessive, bad, and crazy is like saying everyone who gets cancer is going to die. Sure, in some people it turns out that way, but there are also fully-functioning and relatively well adjusted people with bi-polar disorder (myself included).

    Some days are a struggle, and some days it would be easy just to go off the deep end, but how someone handles it is highly individual. If you've been around her this long and she seems cool then she is probably cool, regardless of brain chemistry. Of course, swings can be pretty random (even on medication), so there may be some surprises, but she's probably not going to kill you like Nick seems to think.
    Quote Originally Posted by gina View Post
    i can't tell if we're in the throes of a troll toll (to get into the boy's soul) or if there's just one more big floppy douchebag pussywhipped idiot walkin around out there

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    Senior Member Nick2.1's Avatar
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    I don't remember saying that a bi-polar person is bound to kill you. I said that there is better chance for this girl to be too much for him.

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    Band simonj's Avatar
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    You kind of sound like you're making excuses. I understand why you have reservations but you should focus on the important ones, not petty shit about how she's not the hottest girl you've ever met or how she takes medication.

    If you keep looking for reasons why a potential relationship isn't going to work then, guess what, it never will.
    Quote Originally Posted by KT. View Post
    simonj can be a real dick sometimes.
    Quote Originally Posted by gina View Post
    I CAN'T LABI-STRETCH SIMONJ

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    My advice? Don't bother getting serious with this girl.
    I got my allowance but I spent it all on ice cream

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    can't post; too scared Anonymous's Avatar
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    Yeah, I guess it is just petty shit. I was just being a shallow jerk because I personally don't have a problem with how she looks but I was worried about what other people would think. That's pretty messed up. After reading the comments and thinking a bit on it I realized that I actually miss her. I enjoyed my time with her a lot and felt comfortable with her almost instantly which never happens for me until I've known a person a long time. She is genuine, which can be a rare trait.

    Either way, I'm just going to keep spending time with her and see where it goes. Don't count your chickens before they hatch, does that saying work here? We've only known each other for a few weeks now, I just tend to over think things haha.

    Just one last thing about the medication. I've never dated someone who took medication daily so it freaked me out a bit. That's really all that was.

    Thanks for the comments everyone.

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    "Met a girl online"

    This will go nowhere.

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