Thread: Something is severely wrong. On Introspection and Depression.

Take this advice and I can guarantee you that things will turn out.

First of all, you can't come up with sappy excuses like "oh im ugly and/or uninteresting". Do you know what that is? Learned helpesness....how can you help yourself if you think you are HELPLESS...see the contradiction there?

The very first thing you have to do is change your attitude about your life. Attitudes will then change behaviors which will be observed by others and reciprocated.

1) Smile. This is the most important aspect of social interactions. Nothing is more appealing, socially, than someone who smiles. Why? Because people who smile are people who are happy, people who are happy are interesting. People don't want to talk to someone who will simply drudge on about their miserable lives.

1b) Once you have mastered the smiling, you will probably notice that you will get more attention from people. Now you can't OVERDO this stuff. You have to be natural. This requires some amount of cognitive alterations. You pretty much have to force yourself to believe you're a good person and that you are worthwhile. Eventually you will realize that you ARE and it will not be an act, I know it's slightly contradictory but trust me, you have to start somewheres.

2) Focus on the positive things. Big deal, you're always at the library. It means you will probably have a great career, most people who have good careers spent most of their time studying and doing work. Obviously your social life has to suffer a BIT if you want to have great academic success but that's ok, the key thing is to make the time that you do spend in social interactions meaningful.. THe key thing is to actively make time for social activities. Sit next to people in class, talk to people, eventually you will be comfortable enough to ask people to hang out.

2b) Take initiative. Actively seek out and engage people. Girls, guys, it doesn't matter. Just start talking to just about anyone and eventually you will be comfortable talking to anyone. People who have good lives have good lives because they make it happen, things don't just randomly happen out of chance like that, those who have friends have them because they are actively engaging other people in social interactions

3) THIS IS THE IMPORTANT ONE IN RELATION TO WOMEN. Women DO NOT want someone who is depressing and/or desperate. Why on earth would ANYONE want to be with someone who is so damn unhappy? Would you want to be with a woman who is constantly seeking reassurance from you? Who cannot be happy without you? Hell no...no one wants that, it's like an anchor on you. Once you change your attitude about yourself you will immediately notice differences (like I said before...change in attitude leads to change in behavior and you can pretty much only go up at this point). Most depressions are LEARNED phenomenon and involve cognitively distorted processes. In other words, your misery is self-inclifcted to a certain degree. You have you realize that you are the only one who can change your situation, there's nothign anyone can say to magically make your situation or make you feel better.

4) Here's an evolutionary perspective on the womens issue. Women are wired to seek out mates who can provide resources and protection for their baby (read: sexual selection). How on earth can you provide this if you are so busy feeling sorry for yourself and/or constantly seeking THEIR reassurance? You have to demonstrate INDEPENDENCE if you want any female to be interested into you. Dependence is possibly the least attractive trait in existence. Did you know that men are actually the ones who choose women based on looks and not the other way around? Female seek dominance, resources and dependability while men seek fertility (to spread their genes). So no, women don't care what you look like...what they do care about is that you are a MAN and not a pussy.


Take what I said and actively apply it and you will notice positive differences in your life.