Thread: Something is severely wrong. On Introspection and Depression.

Wrong, I did not stop reading, in fact I decided to wait a week to give some sort of update.

I gave myself a week to sort of try new approaches toward, I guess, the human population. My house hosted a party tonight and I've tried many of the things suggested here (although I've tried them before) and I turned up without results.

I met some sorority girls, joked around with them and they told me I talk to much shit. So I decided to cease conversation with them knowing it was a lost cause and decided to try and enjoy the rest of my night. I smiled, I was open, I've tried everything the book has told me to. Many of my friends were here and I enjoyed my time until this point: I was filling people's cups from the keg and encountered a very drunk guy. Before I filled his cup I happened to look in his cup and saw that there was something in it. I said, before I fill your cup, you might want to check your cup, someone put something in it. He told me to just fill his cup, and again I reiterated that I thought he should investigate his cup before I filled it. It escalated to the point at which I told him to leave and then he didn't. He was part of the team that my roommate is a part of and did not leave. I harped on this for the rest of the night. Every chance I got I told him to leave, that I lived at the house and that he was no longer welcome. He was incredibly drunk and I didn't want him in our house any more. He didn't leave and none of my roommates would back me up. A really good friend of mine gave me the ultimatum: I could either let him be and enjoy the rest of my night, or continue to try to get this guy out and have a shitty night.

I, of course, chose the latter and here I am. Upstairs in my room while the party downstairs dwindles and winds down. I seem to have come to the following truths about myself:

I never take the easy way out.
I hold grudges until the end of time.
I am not an enjoyable person around other people.
I, apparently, am better off alone.

I enjoy independence, but as you said Absolution, no one likes complete loneliness. Yet, through whatever stubborn attitude and animosity towards others I have.. reduces me to just be a complete dick. And this is where I stand. I would rather focus on the negative than enjoy what I have. I've never had a really good "night out" and it's always ended in me alone, like all other nights, and without a friend to lean on or other people.

Maybe I need to see some sort of shrink, but I know it wont help because, in the end I will think I'm better without him/her.

I have a 21st birthday party to go to tomorrow. I will try these tactics again, but after tonight... I realize I'm a lost fucking cause.

Kozzle, I have read your advice, but I've read it many times before. Something in me just sets myself against it and I am somehow always believing that either I am a) too ugly to apply or b) too stupid to try and follow these rules.

I try to show that I am not desperate, but it always just turns me into a dick or it simply doesn't work.

I thank you all for the advice, but I simply cannot seem to change myself.

Originally Posted by Anonymous

I met some sorority girls, joked around with them and they told me I talk to much shit. So I decided to cease conversation with them knowing it was a lost cause

if you walk away from people as soon as they point out a potential flaw with you, you make yourself a lost cause

Originally Posted by Anonymous

I would rather focus on the negative

Maybe I need to see some sort of shrink, but I know it wont help

there is a discord here that should push you to actually see a shrink, given that you want to focus on positives instead
seeing a real life shrink will be more insightful and effective than reading from internet shrinks what you have already read before

Originally Posted by Anonymous

I have a 21st birthday party to go to tomorrow. I will try these tactics again, but after tonight... I realize I'm a lost fucking cause.

you won't change drastically overnight
this all-or-nothing attitude is destructive

So tonight was actually pretty good. I was invited to two different birthday parties, did not alienate anyone (okay so I almost got into a fight with one guy who was clearly wasted beyond any recognition but I stopped it with a simple handshake) and actually enjoyed myself the entire day. The people from the club I joined invited me to the first party and I actually really enjoyed myself and it seems like they included me in everything they did (beer pong and everything).

The next party was equally as welcoming and in the end I think it was a very good night for me. I'm not even complaining about going to sleep alone tonight, I think tonight was a vast improvement over any other night.

I think the issue is parties at my house v. parties at others'