Originally Posted by
Anonymous
Not OP.
I don't have the solution to all your problems. I know you don't want attention and I'm not going to criticize you. Just please don't discount what I have to say as "nothing helpful" before you read it, OK?
I was in a similar position. A bad relationship and some unhealthy behaviors on my part as well as on the part of others left me losing all my friends a few years ago. I also developed a health problem that was supposed to be "fixed right up" with physical therapy, but oh just my luck, wasn't. I ended up walking with a cane for 2 years and eating 15 oxycontin a day just to stay on top of the pain/keep from getting sick with opiate withdrawal. Then I lost my job - the ONE thing that gave me any human contact or reason to do anything other than eat painkillers all day.
I sat that night with a new bottle of oxy spread out on the table in front of me, all in a row, and the cat sitting next to me on the couch wondering what the fuck was going on. He sat there the entire night, looking at me, almost asking me what I was going to do. And I looked back at him and then at the pills several times, and finally decided that if I wanted to die that was probably cool, nobody would care anyway and I'd probably be out of the hair of all the people I tried to reach out to who didn't give a shit, I'd be out of pain for once and for all, win win situation, but it wasn't the cat's fault, and he didn't deserve to end up at the shelter and probably put down because I didn't feel like living anymore. After all, all he ever did was love me.
I wasn't even worth enough to myself to stay alive for me. It was for the cat. Do you still think that I'm going to criticize you, or think that you just want attention?
That night I decided that since I couldn't very well end it all, it was get better. I flushed the pain pills and spend 5 days in withdrawal hell and wasn't right for a month after that. I started walking. It helped my pain. I started running. It cured my pain. Instead of looking for another job I went back to school, graduated college, and just today I got offered a $40k/year assistant manager's job.
I understand why people consider suicide, attempt it, or go through with it. But, I also understand that it can get better.
I don't have any answers for you. I just hope hearing from someone who went through something similar and came out the other side might give you some motivation to find answers for yourself.
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