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Thread: Any ideas?

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    can't post; too scared Anonymous's Avatar
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    Default Any ideas?

    So, background. So I met a girl a couple weeks ago, and we've been talking a lot. I'm 21, shes 17. We haven't hung out because she lives a few states away. She lives by herself, her parents died a couple years ago. She has enough money from her inheritance to live comfortably for some time. She also does a lot of drugs, and she drinks way too much. She ODed a week ago. I found out about it after she went to the hospital. She told me she was shooting a speedball (heroin and coke). Now we've only been talking for a few weeks but she knows alot of things about me that other people dont, and I know a lot about her that others don't either. A couple days ago though she kind of just stopped talking to me. I text her and I get no response or at best an "I'm fine." She has some emotional issues that she hasn't worked out, but I'm worried that if I can't help her soon, shes going to die.

    She isn't very safe about what she does, and when I talk to her about it, she says she wouldn't care if she did die. And that I would be sad for a few minutes and get on with my life. I think she knows saying stuff like that really hurts me because she knows I care for her, but she keeps trying to push me away, to make me not care. I'm worried about how depressed she is, and how nothing makes her happy. Not for any extended period of time at least. She used to be very athletic and popular before her parents died and I think maybe she regrets losing all of that. I text her fairly often, even if I can't think of anything to say because I want to check up on her and make sure shes not dead. But now that she isn't talking to me, I can't even do that. I'm just not sure what I can do to help her, and I really care about her.

    She doesn't have a lot of friends and she seems to feel very isolated and alone. I still don't even know if she believes me when I say I care about her. She told me a few days ago that she didn't. She talks about dying like she's ready, but I refuse to believe she can be ready to die at age 17. I won't leave her on her own, no matter what she does to me because I know if I don't try to help her, no one else will and I really think she deserves a chance to live a happy life, she hasn't had much happiness recently. I'm just not sure how to show her the beauty in life when she doesn't want to see it. I appreciate whatever advice you can give, and know that giving up and walking away just aren't an option, no matter what.

  2. #2
    can't post; too scared Anonymous's Avatar
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    C'mon folks, tell me what you think.

    Bumped because no one responds to PS.

  3. #3
    feel like funkin' it up gwahir's Avatar
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    You have to have SOME patience, ok. This is a tricky problem and people aren't just going to weigh in with any old piece of shit opinion.

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    can't post; too scared Anonymous's Avatar
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    Haha, fair enough, but at the moment, I would take a shit opinion over no opinion. At least that way, Id know what not to do.

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    feel like funkin' it up gwahir's Avatar
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    That's the stupidest thing I've heard all day, and I've spent some time in this thread.

    If you want advice, here's mine: go to someone you know, preferably an adult, and who you trust with wisdom in this area. None of us know her or you so any advice can only be so useful.

  6. #6
    McTroy MrTroy's Avatar
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    I think you are in over your head, and I don't mean that in a bad way. You are in over your head because she needs more help than you can give her, and you are not close enough, both physically and emotionally, I mean you guys have only been talking a few weeks. That is alot for someone to deal with, both for her and for you. Did you guys meet online? Or did you ACTUALLY physically meet and just haven't hung out since due to the distance? Either way, I think you are putting a little too much commitment into her for only knowing her a few weeks. She needs help, from the sound of it, professional help. If you haven't met her, or even if you have just the once, I don't see anyway that you will be the person to get her help yourself, in terms of you solely convincing her to change her ways without anyone else helping.

    She has serious drug problems, heroin and cocaine are no fucking game in the most serious of meanings. It's not like she is smoking pot or something. Especially overdosing, she needs help that you can't provide her with. She needs to go to a rehab center or speak with some kind of professional, especially since she feels isolated and alone. I Googled a bit and found a suicide hotline, I don't know if they can help or not:

    Why should I call the Lifeline?

    From immediate suicidal crisis to information about mental health, crisis centers in our network are equiped to take a wide range of calls. Some of the reasons to call 1-800-273-TALK are listed below.
    • Call to speak with someone who cares
    • Call if you feel you might be in danger of hurting yourself
    • Call to find referrals to mental health services in your area
    • Call to speak to a crisis worker about someone you're concerned about

    http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/

    Good Luck
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    can't post; too scared Anonymous's Avatar
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    I appreciate the help, and I'm gonna think about what you've said Mr. Troy. We met online. I know that I probably won't be able to get her help by myself, but if I give up she will be completely alone. There just isn't anyone else who will stay by her no matter what, and I will not under any circumstances leave her alone. I also should mention that while I do love her, I am not in love with her. She is in no way ready for any kind of a relationship and i understand that. I'm only trying to be her friend. In any case, shes talking to me again, she ODed again tonight.

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    can't post; too scared Anonymous's Avatar
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    Oh yeah, and she will not under any circumstances let me try to talk her into rehab. And with things as tenacious as they are, I'm not gonna push it tonight, but I feel I may have to sometime soon.

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    Senior Member Absolution's Avatar
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    Not to be mean but you "love" her? I understand that you're tying to tell us it is a platonic love, but you've known her for weeks, not even a month; you two have no memories with each other. What are you afraid of? How can someone who you have never seen be this important to you in your life? Are you really this lonely where you care for a fucked up 17 year old drug addict?

    If you really loved her, you would drive/fly to wherever she is and actually intervene; the only other thing that I can deduce from this is that you are extremely lonely and you are afraid of losing the only person who has ever paid any attention to you and that this dramatic problem gives you a sense of purpose. That's extremely unrealistic, but I don't believe that you "love" and care for a girl you met over the internet.

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    can't post; too scared Anonymous's Avatar
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    Well, it doesn't matter anyways. She told me that she fully intends to die soon, she won't get help, she won't talk to me, and she told me to stay away from her because she doesn't want me to watch her die. I'm at my wits end. And so you know Absolution, she may be a 17 year old drug addict, but why does she deserve love any less than anyone else? Why should she have to be alone when she is in so much pain. Maybe the love I feel for her is because of all the awful things that have happened to her, or maybe its because I feel she deserves it. She's a beautiful, charming, smart girl. And she is going to die.

    I appreciate all the help you guys have given me, but I'm starting to think maybe CD wasn't the right place to look for answers. You've given me a lot to think about, but at the moment all I can think about is trying to stop her killing herself. On the other hand guys, I am fully fucking aware that I have my own problems, and I know what those are. I didn't ask for advice about me, I asked for advice about her. I know that I have some emotional issues that I need to work out. But right now, my issues don't mean a damn thing if she dies. And who the fuck cares what my feelings are if I can help her?

    I'm just not sure what to do. She is well on her way to feeling nothing at all, and all I can think of are things that won't help. I'm gonna give her the suicide hotline number again and tell her to call them, but I doubt she will. She doesn't hold a lot of stock in mine or other peoples opinions. But thanks again for the help guys, I guess I was looking for an answer where there just isn't one.

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    McTroy MrTroy's Avatar
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    In my opinion, it is literally impossible to love someone you have never met. But that is not the point, I would feel weird letting someone cut off contact with me who I thought would somehow kill themselves. Somethings got to give, either she is going to kill herself or continue down this miserable path, or you are going to have to do something. And doing something is quite frankly difficult no matter how bad you want to help, just because of the distance. Contact the local authorities in her area and explain the situation, tell them that you have it on good authority that she wants to kill herself and that she needs to be put in protective custody! If they take her into custody and see her mental state, if it IS really that bad, they may keep her in a hospital. Otherwise I don't know what you can do.
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    Ambulatory Blender MrShrike's Avatar
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    Just to clarify a few things you need to understand about this situation.

    1. You have no responsibility to this girl that ties you to her in any way shape or form.
    2. You have no way of helping her emotional or life issues.
    3. She doesn't actually want you to help her, she wants to help herself to what you have (when she feels like it) so she can make herself feel better.
    4. Intentionally or not, this girl is an emotional vampire who will suck dry your already sparsely decorated life in order to fill herself up, and then when you have nothing left, she will leave you behind.

    My 2 cents.

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    Senior Member Killuminati's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by MrTroy View Post
    And doing something is quite frankly difficult no matter how bad you want to help, just because of the distance. Contact the local authorities in her area and explain the situation, tell them that you have it on good authority that she wants to kill herself and that she needs to be put in protective custody! If they take her into custody and see her mental state, if it IS really that bad, they may keep her in a hospital. Otherwise I don't know what you can do.

    This is the answer. If the situation is as you have explained it then she needs professional help now. Call her local authorities and they will take care of it. My mom was in a situation over this summer where she knew someone online through a forum who had some serious problems with her MS and depression. My mom tried to help her by continuing to talk to her and try and help her past that point in her life. My mom ended up getting an email one morning saying how much she thanked her but it was over(that was the essence of the letter I'm not sure exactly what it said). My mom called the police there and she was rescued while in the process of od'ing on something. Imagine how it would feel to know you were responsible for saving someones life. Now imagine how it would feel if you felt that you could have saved someones life but didn't do anything about it. I would have a hard time getting over that.

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    I loves sausage festival! djwolford's Avatar
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    Drug problems are something that the person who has them has to deal with themselves. Not that you shouldn't offer support in any way that you can, but until she gets ready to quit, she's not going to. If you're referring to who I think you are, you know that there have already been a lot of people that tried to tell her that she needs to let it be, and it did absolutely no good whatsoever. I for one hope that she changes her ways, because it's way too easy to slip too far into the hole, and the further you fall the less light you can see. You're in way over your head here op. The best you can do is try to get her to seek professional help to deal with the underlying problems before you can even think about getting her to leave the drugs alone.
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    can't post; too scared Anonymous's Avatar
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    OP here. Well, I may still consult the police in her area but I have absolutely no intention of talking to this girl ever again. I won't go into too much detail, but we aren't talking anymore and I honestly do not care. She doesn't want any real help, and I'm tired of all the bullshit. So thanks for all the help, sorry it came to naught. I got sick of being a friend only on her terms, when she was not once there for me. And to Djwolflord, you may know her, you may not, I don't know. It would have been different if she actually was unhappy with the way her life is going, but if she doesn't care enough to change it then I certainly don't. I have better things to do than be an emotional welcome mat.

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