Thread: How to get over her?

She honestly sounds fucking crazy, and I know from personal experience that being in a relationship with someone who's crazy will make YOU crazy too. Stay the hell away from her. You know she's not really pregnant, so anything else she says is HER problem. Even if she says she's going to kill herself. Her actions are her choice, not yours.

I'm sure you'll find after enough time away from her that your emotions will level out again and you'll probably wonder what the hell you were thinking for letting it go on for so long. A chaotic relationship evokes a lot of emotions and even though it's bad, a person can get addicted to the chaos.

I second reading up on emotionally abusive relationships, and when you're over your feelings about the relationship, work on what was up with you that made you allow this for so long in the first place.

Originally Posted by Shinysides

My advice? Walk the fuck away. I don't care what you have to do to separate yourself from her, you do it. She is using you emotionally because she sees you as an easy target, and as much as it hurts to hear, you probably are one. But you don't have to be. Your relationship problems stem from the fact that you feel like you need her more than she needs you. She knows that, and uses it to her advantage. You honestly won't be able to change her mind, and holding on at this point would just be pointless. She doesn't care about you, it sucks, but once you realize that you can move on. I've been there myself, the only way you will ever be happy is if you stop talking to her. Permanently. You two are like oil and water, you don't mix.

OP

She DOES see me as an easy target. I've realized that. I don't know why it's different with her. You would think that from what I've said, she's my first girlfriend. But she's not. I've had multiple in the past, but she is the first that I've ever fallen in love with. And yes, I DO know the difference between love and just liking someone a lot.

The thing is, she's been through a lot. She's been physically and emotionally abused, and other things I'd rather not talk about it. That lead to a deep depression. She got into drinking, drugs, even harming herself. And I was the one there for her. I actually saw through all of that and thought she was different deep down, just needed someone who loves, and cares about her. Who would help her change.

Originally Posted by Cryptic

She honestly sounds fucking crazy, and I know from personal experience that being in a relationship with someone who's crazy will make YOU crazy too. Stay the hell away from her. You know she's not really pregnant, so anything else she says is HER problem. Even if she says she's going to kill herself. Her actions are her choice, not yours.

I'm sure you'll find after enough time away from her that your emotions will level out again and you'll probably wonder what the hell you were thinking for letting it go on for so long. A chaotic relationship evokes a lot of emotions and even though it's bad, a person can get addicted to the chaos.

I second reading up on emotionally abusive relationships, and when you're over your feelings about the relationship, work on what was up with you that made you allow this for so long in the first place.

Honestly, she is crazy. She's extremely jealous, obsessive, cold hearted, etc. She HAS threatened to kill herself over me multiple times. That's the MAIN reason why I end up taking her back. Because as I've stated before, I've felt guilty. She ends up going on this crazy drinking/drug binge when we're not some times, and I feel responsible. Does anyone know why?

I actually started seeing therapist because of this. And she's also said to stay the hell away from her.

Thanks for the advice/support. More would greatly be appreciated.

Originally Posted by Anonymous

OP

She DOES see me as an easy target. I've realized that. I don't know why it's different with her. You would think that from what I've said, she's my first girlfriend. But she's not. I've had multiple in the past, but she is the first that I've ever fallen in love with. And yes, I DO know the difference between love and just liking someone a lot.

The thing is, she's been through a lot. She's been physically and emotionally abused, and other things I'd rather not talk about it. That lead to a deep depression. She got into drinking, drugs, even harming herself. And I was the one there for her. I actually saw through all of that and thought she was different deep down, just needed someone who loves, and cares about her. Who would help her change.

I understand completely, believe me, I've been there. I've fallen for an addict before. The problem is, most of us, myself included, take it for granted that eventually they will clean up their act. In my case, she never did, eventually I had to cut her loose, because if she didn't want to change, then it wasn't worth the time I spent trying to help. I understand that you don't want to see her hurt, but walk away, not only is this something she needs to deal with on her own, but most addicts cannot stop themselves until they hit rock bottom. Maybe you leaving and breaking contact will be her bottom, don't hope for it because the chances are slim. Until she hits that bottom, she will be unhappy, and she will make you unhappy too. You just have to realize that you can't help her through this, and move on and try to be happy. If she cares about you, she'll clean up her act, if she doesn't, she won't and you'll be better off without her. It sucks both ways, but it gets better over time.

Edit: And best of luck to you, this is a hard thing to have to do.

Originally Posted by Shinysides

I understand completely, believe me, I've been there. I've fallen for an addict before. The problem is, most of us, myself included, take it for granted that eventually they will clean up their act. In my case, she never did, eventually I had to cut her loose, because if she didn't want to change, then it wasn't worth the time I spent trying to help. I understand that you don't want to see her hurt, but walk away, not only is this something she needs to deal with on her own, but most addicts cannot stop themselves until they hit rock bottom. Maybe you leaving and breaking contact will be her bottom, don't hope for it because the chances are slim. Until she hits that bottom, she will be unhappy, and she will make you unhappy too. You just have to realize that you can't help her through this, and move on and try to be happy. If she cares about you, she'll clean up her act, if she doesn't, she won't and you'll be better off without her. It sucks both ways, but it gets better over time.

Edit: And best of luck to you, this is a hard thing to have to do.

OP

Thank you for your advice and support. I means a lot, especially since you've been in the same situation. What you've said is all true. She doesn't appreciate the fact that I've tried to be there for her and help her change. She doesn't know what she wants. One minute she wants to be with me, wants to change, the next she wants to be friends because she feels like she's missing out on a lot. It's ridiculous. But I'm honestly starting to care less and realizing that I can do SO much better. That I deserve better.

After reading the responses here, I'm doing a lot better. My friends and family for months have told me the same exact thing, but I just figured they were saying that because they're MY friends and family.

Thanks again. Much appreciated.