Thread: Pretty simple question, just need to get a second opinion

So I'm hanging out with my married friend and one of his wives friends comes over and she's pretty cool. We flirt a bit nothing major (apparently we're both the type of person to flirt with people all the time) and then like a week later we're all hanging out again and we're all drinking. She gets drunk, I'm pretty buzzed and we end up fooling around a little. Didn't have sex but there was heavy petting and I went down on her. Don't ask me why we didn't have sex, I wish we had, but for some reason it didn't happen. She wasn't blitz drunk or anything, I'm not that type of guy, but we were both pretty loosened up. Anyway, like a week later we are hanging out drinking again (we've seen each other once or twice in the previous week in passing cause I crash at my buddies house alot) we watch some lesbian porn cause it seemed like a good idea at the time and she is pretty into it, and we end up fooling around again later. This time clothes stay on but we do heavy petting under the clothes and we both get off and go to sleep. It's been about a week and we've hung out a couple times as a group and once tonight just us two, but nothing happens we both go home or whatever. Now I've developed a pretty good attraction to her, but I can't read if this is just a "Drunken fool around" thing, or if there's potential to go further here. Should I just come out and tell her I'm interested, or should I just let things evolve on their own?

I think you should make the decision based on how you get along with her when you're not drunk.

Originally Posted by gorefinger

I think you should make the decision based on how you get along with her when you're not drunk.

We actually get along extremely well when we're not drunk. Honestly, I feel like getting the whole seeing each other naked out of the way early on really removed alot of that uncomfortable feeling you get when you first meet a new girl. But I can't tell if this is her using someone in the friendzone for the occasional sex outlet, or if she's legitimately into me. She's kinda hard to read.

Ask her out on a date and try to get to know her better worst come to worst shes not interested but you still got someone to fool around with!

I should have been more clear:

I think you should make the decision based on how/if you have sex with her when you're not drunk.

Meaning...If she is or if she is not interested in having sex with you outside of when you're partying together.

...because if she is than I'd say that's a pretty good sign.

Originally Posted by ohwhat

Ask her out on a date and try to get to know her better worst come to worst shes not interested but you still got someone to fool around with!

Yeah you don't want it to get awkward though.

Originally Posted by gorefinger

I should have been more clear:

I think you should make the decision based on how/if you have sex with her when you're not drunk.

Meaning...If she is or if she is not interested in having sex with you outside of when you're partying together.

...because if she is than I'd say that's a pretty good sign.

No I definitely hear ya, but since I just moved back into town and don't start work until the first week of September I'm light on funds so I haven't asked her on a date or whatever to see if it might go anywhere. I think the real solution is for me to stop being chickenshit lol

Originally Posted by gorefinger

Yeah you don't want it to get awkward though.

I mean, if she's only interested in having someone she knows isn't a complete chud to fool around with occasionally I'm ok with that, I mean I'm not losing sleep if she's not into me, but I just feel like there's some potential here.

Op again. can't edit anonymously:

Actually, that brings up a good question, should I just pretend the fooling around didn't happen when we hang out when we're sober? (ie: During a movie or whatever I'm not gonna kiss her hello or whatever) or should I make moves based on the aforementioned nearly carnal knowledge?


This is a pickle, I'm not used to fooling around and then developing feelings lol

I think you're being retarded about it. She obviously likes you or she would stay clear of you before the drinking begins.

hey you dumb butt things don't "evolve on their own"

i dont even have any real advice or opinions for you other than what i just said so sorry this time

i too read it as "one of his wives" and went the entire post before going back and re-reading it

Alright, I get that if I don't do anything it'll never go anywhere, so should I start trying to make moves when we're sober, or ask her out, or talk to her about it?


Cause really those are the only three options that make sense to me.

Originally Posted by faesce

listen your problem isn't that you don't know what to do but rather that you're coming to us for advice regarding something that you need to learn for yourself. there are people who make threads here that warrant advice, people who are in extraordinary non-social situations that require an immense amount of personal investment to make a decision on. this thread's described premise is not a serious problem and in my opinion is an issue that if you were given advice, it would actually do more harm than good in the long run.

NOBODY starts out knowing what to do (in any situation). and that's perfectly healthy in every way, because you (and everybody else in the entire world) learn by going for it and making mistakes. the same shit applies to this, and for that reason, i'm not going to tell you what i would do in this situation, and awkwardly encourage other readers to follow suit.

i will say this however--if somebody you knew described a situation similar to yours and asked the questions you're asking, what would your response be? (i'm not asking you to respond--just to think about the answer)

Thanks. I think this is what I was looking for.

Originally Posted by sycld

Am I the only one that was confused by this sentence at first? I thought it read "one of his wives," as in he has more than one wife, rather than "one of his wife's friends," that is one of the friends of his wife...

Also, if you went down on her, then yeah that is close enough to sex to be sex.

Yes, in fact, the grammar was so bad that I completely missed the "friends" part and assumed it was his friend's wife (or one of them i guess he's mormon.)

In conclusion, if you use improper grammar and communicate poorly, you miss out on good advice. Because I'm certainly not sharing.

Originally Posted by faesce

NOBODY starts out knowing what to do (in any situation). and that's perfectly healthy in every way, because you (and everybody else in the entire world) learn by going for it and making mistakes. the same shit applies to this, and for that reason, i'm not going to tell you what i would do in this situation, and awkwardly encourage other readers to follow suit.

I start out knowing what to do in every situation.

Here you can use this handy flowchart:

As I think has been said quite well, there's no one here who can give you a whole shebang of info about "what to do now".

But a few pointers are still probably warranted - so I'll says this: just remember, actions speak a hell of a lot louder than words + plus they also show you have some balls.

So...I don't recommend "having a talk with her" and discussing all the possibilities of whether she *might* want to go out on a date with you, or see you in some other context than just casual fooling around. Women normally take that kind of thing as a massive sign of weakness and uncertainty.

Instead, if you want to get into a relationship with her and spend more time with her, just casually tell her you are doing something (which you normally do, DO NOT make a special occasion of it) and suggest that she comes along for a good time. Simple, effective. If she says no, it's no biggie (she could just be busy) and if she says yes, then you've got your answer.

Ended up getting friend zoned. Good times.

You blew it

Originally Posted by Atmosfear

You blew it

It just turns out that literally any guy that is nearby when this chick is drunk is at least rounding third. Somehow everyone missed this (Or just didn't tell me this about this girl) so I feel I was operating without proper recon. At least I'll be able to abuse the friend zone for rides to work whilst I fuck this other chick that Ive been kind of stringing along.

You were bound to get friend zoned. Sounds like the chick is just a slut though, so whatever, you still get the tang.

here is where the ball should be: [ ]

this is where ball is: [O]

you dropped the ball

Originally Posted by sycld

And all those guys having casual sex with this woman and all the other "sluts" in the world are just men being men. Right.

I don't get this post

Originally Posted by sycld

Well, all those women you call "sluts" have to be having sex with someone, and those guys they're having sex with probably have sex with a lot of different women too. However, it's alright for those guys to have sex with a lot of women, but the women they're fucking on the other hand are "sluts."

Get it?

If not, then just listen to the words of Tina:

YouTube - Tina Turner - Private Dancer (2002 Digital Remaster)

Ah. Well, in the case of this chick though she's been either telling guys that she isn't a slut and that she doesn't put out like a fire hose, or leading them on that there's something on the other side of the bridge. She's either an extremely good liar, or a completely two faced fight club character. We can't decide.

Also, all the guys she's been fooling around with had no idea about the other guys, and are mostly guys who are in the midst of a dry spell and aren't known for their gaming skills with women, so they assumed there was more too it than simply a one night stand. So I guess no one in particular is to blame, the situation is just weird.

I didn't say that guys can't be sluts too, I was saying that this girl obviously is a slut if she has absolutely no reservations about who gets to hit it.

holy shit did somebody seriously delete my post about men and women being on different sides of the sexual coin?

what the fuck you faggot moderators are pretty cool