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Thread: Relationship troubles, advice needed.

  1. #1
    can't post; too scared Anonymous's Avatar
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    Default Relationship troubles, advice needed.

    Heya, Personal Support has helped me in the past so I thought id give it another go.

    Basically a while ago I fell for this girl and I told her how I felt, now the problem is this girl had previously been in a relationship with one of my best friends and that lasted 4 years or so, though they had been broken up for about 3 months before I 'made a move'

    A month or so later she comes to my house to 'give back some money she owed me' (the night before I bought her a few drinks) but this turned out to be just an excuse to see me and tell me that she felt the same way. So from then on we were together, a couple of weeks into the relationship (which was incredible, hence me feeling so bad right now) she told me that she didnt think that it would work out, she was worried about what our friends would say (we're still friends with her ex and we share the same circle of friends) and that she still had feelings for her ex. We talked it out and agreed that we'd work through it, I then gave her the chance to simply walk away if she wanted to without any hard feelings.

    Another week or so of bliss followed, seeing each other every minute that we could, spontaneous trips away etc and she breaks up with me, citing the same reasons, I was angry as fuck and felt pretty shitty all around. That saturday (halloween) everyone but me went to a party and everyone found out somehow, I got off work early and went down there to sort it all out, none of our friends cared in the slightest and they were all fine with it, we talked that night and she was saying that she was wanting to get back together with me. So we did, but only after she promised that she felt what we had was worth the trouble and potential drama, I planned to keep my distance for a while in order to not get hurt again.

    A few days later I sat down and talked to her ex, telling him that we were together and whats been going on, he was upset, but not angry, he said that he wouldnt interfere with us at all and was glad that she was with me and not someone who would just use her. So that night everything was rosy and great, we were both in high spirits and releived that everyone knew, ready to make it official and not have to worry anymore, she said that her parents were away that weekend and that she wanted to spend the weekend with me staying round there, so at work that night I get various texts about how excited she is about the weekend and that "she doesnt think that she could go two days without kissing me" and other sweet things like that which made me feel better and relax a little, put down my guard if you will.

    The very next day (I was out with some work friends for bonfire night) she rings me and tells me that her ex wanted to see her for a talk, well I wasnt happy but I did know that he wasnt going to try anything, hes said on multiple times that he doesnt want to get back with her, although I wasnt exactly pleased that hed chosen to do it so soon. Well they had that talk and from then on she was really cold with me, wouldnt ring me back after theyd had their talk and the next day said that her parents werent going away until the next day (this was true) so we didnt see each other, I said that we needed to talk and she said that she wanted to night to just sort out how she was feeling. So the next day I went over hers and we broke up, she said that she didnt want to be in a relationship while she was feeling all these mixed feelings about her ex (she doesnt want to get back with him but she still loves him) and that she wanted to be on her own to properly get over him. She hadnt really been on her own to sort it out since they broke up and hadnt had a chance to think about it. A few days later she tells me on MsN that she was going to come over the next day to give this book back that I let her borrow (this was the first time we'd talked since we broke up so she made the first contact) and I dont know whether that meant she actually wanted to give the book back and that shes over me or that she just using it as another excuse to try and talk to me.

    Also I know that this is fucking pathetic, if it was any other girl I wouldnt have even gotten involved in the first place, but what can I say, shes got her claws into me and I think I love her. Im scared that by doing nothing and playing the whole 'oh act fine so that she'll want to get back with you' thing what we had would be brushed under the carpet and forgotten about. But if I do ask her to talk or whatever it'll seem needy and will further push her away.

    So two scenarios are floating through my head endlessly,

    a) she either likes me a lot, as evidenced by how she acted while she was with me and really wants to be together but cant because of being messed up.
    b) Or she is actually 'over' me and thats that.

    She said that she wanted us to be together but didnt feel that she could while feeling all of these different emotions and I wish I could just believe that but im the type of person that analyzes things way too much.

    So what should I be doing? I've been taking the approach of getting on with my life and not letting her see how much her breaking up with me has fucked me up but im scared that by doing that everything will be forgotten about and everything will be back to how it was before.

    Not sure how that reads but thats a million if you read it, Im going to the cinema tonight and shes guna be there so Ill update this later with how that went.

  2. #2
    cowabunga
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    in order for a healthy relationship to work, both parties need to know what they want. she doesn't sound like she knows what she wants, and there's nothing you can do to change that imo--its on her

    i think you should stop letting her control the ride, and if you do get back together with her in the future make it very clear you're not going to deal with any more of this "i don't know what i want i love my ex etc" bullshit, because to be honest if a girl did that shit to me she'd be on the curb in about 1 second. it might be a little too late to salvage the situation, but remember (in the future) that you're in control of your relationships--don't get jerked around, no matter how much you like the person.

    bottom line: at this point, i wouldn't waste your time with her unless she decides you're important enough to her to not warrant messing with your head/jerking you around
    Last edited by faesce; 11-13-2009 at 04:33 PM.

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    cowabunga
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    ps: please dont update us with how your trip to the movies went, nobody really gives a fuck (just bein honest friend)

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    Sexual Deviant Vengeful Scars's Avatar
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    You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to faesce again.

    fuck her... bang another chick(skanks aren't hard to come by)
    lik dis if u cry evertim
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    yes
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    Oh I was expecting a guide to making meth

  5. #5
    judge reinhold gina's Avatar
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    maesce usually gives pretty good advice here in PS, and once again he's spot on. If you both don't know what you want, then you really shouldn't be together. This sounds like such a pile of teenage bullshit drama. I know it's pretty difficult to get over certain ex's, believe me, we've all been there, but if a girl is still pining for her ex it's time to rip up your ticket for that ride.

    Either people want to be together or they don't. It fucking sucks being strung along by someone, so I'd say leave this alone for a while.

    I feel like when people break up, they break up for a reason, and it should stick like that. Getting back together never works. Sometimes on a rare occasion, but usually it doesn't. Be smart. Stop letting relationship bullshit control you. Being in a relationship can be fun and great, but it really shouldn't be your main priority right now.
    Quote Originally Posted by DickStivers View Post
    tidus you're not allowed to call gina gines ok

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    Sexual Deviant Vengeful Scars's Avatar
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    To correct Gina;

    Being in a relationship sucks dicks 95% of the time
    lik dis if u cry evertim
    Quote Originally Posted by Mr. E View Post
    yes
    Quote Originally Posted by KT. View Post
    Oh I was expecting a guide to making meth

  7. #7
    can't post; too scared Anonymous's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by faesce View Post
    in order for a healthy relationship to work, both parties need to know what they want. she doesn't sound like she knows what she wants, and there's nothing you can do to change that imo--its on her

    i think you should stop letting her control the ride, and if you do get back together with her in the future make it very clear you're not going to deal with any more of this "i don't know what i want i love my ex etc" bullshit, because to be honest if a girl did that shit to me she'd be on the curb in about 1 second. it might be a little too late to salvage the situation, but remember (in the future) that you're in control of your relationships--don't get jerked around, no matter how much you like the person.

    bottom line: at this point, i wouldn't waste your time with her unless she decides you're important enough to her to not warrant messing with your head/jerking you around
    I agree with you whole heartedly my man, and its definitely going to be different in any future relationships I have, I went into the relationship thinking that 99% of people's couple drama is bullshit and now ive just been brought into this and I feel completely powerless.

    Also screw you im telling you anyway, the cinema was crap, barely looked at each other the whole time and couldnt stand being so close to her and not being able to do anything.

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    Senior Member Nermy2k's Avatar
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    True love always finds a way bro, don't give up and always believe in yourself.

  9. #9
    Merry fucking Christmas Atmosfear's Avatar
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    If you don't love yourself, you can't expect anyone else to ever love you.

  10. #10
    cowabunga
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    unless you find an emo broad and take turns slicin n dicin in which case atmosfear is a dum dum

  11. #11
    Merry fucking Christmas Atmosfear's Avatar
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    Yep you got me!

  12. #12
    cowabunga
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    got you

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