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Thread: My life, right now, is kinda the basis for an awful Ashton Kutcher romantic comedy.

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    can't post; too scared Anonymous's Avatar
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    Default My life, right now, is kinda the basis for an awful Ashton Kutcher romantic comedy.

    I'm going to try and keep this as condensed as possible so that no one goes “tl;dr”. There's a lot more details and small stories to cover and tell, but I'll save those for possible responses.

    Case in point, I like this girl. But I don't know if she likes me (how many threads like this do we get a day on here anyways?). She's never had a boyfriend before, and I can't tell if she has a thing for me. We've known each other for over a year now, and every weekend, we both hang out with our two other friends, her female friend and my male friend.

    This past weekend, I drove the girl I like home from my male friend's house. We drank a little, but I drank more than her (she only had 1 beer, which took her like two hours just to drink). I cracked a joke about her being afraid of something, and I put my arm around her, saying that I'm there to make sure she's safe. On the outside, it was meant to be, and successfully came off as, a cheesy joke. But, on the inside, it was just a way for me to put my arm around her while I drove. She didn't shake it off, nor did she seem uncomfortable: she carried on as normal, and I don't account this being the alcohol impairing her realization that her friend just put his arm around her, something that he doesn't ever do, especially when the other friends are around. Even when I had to make a turn with both arms and I put it back around her, she accepted it and didn't shrug it off. Other little things have happened before, similar to this.

    Now, why can't I just ask her out or something? There's a couple of factors why. One is the fact that her and her friend don't really date, and I don't think they know the rules or social norms of dating. They don't put themselves out to get a boyfriend, nor do they ever talk about boys. Almost all the time we hang out, they're always making fun of someone (as an inside joke to the rest of us) or just tell funny stories or make funny observations. They don't dress to attract, but rather to just be comfortable and to be themselves. The other factor is that I used to like her other friend back in high school (we're all in college now), and it created an immature awkward riff that still lingers to this day, and I fear that if I asked her out, the same thing would happen all over again. The other factor is again, awkwardness in itself – she's never had a boyfriend, so for me to tell her I like her and confront her and ask her out would certainly be challenging for the both of us. Also, there really haven't been any blatant signs from her that she likes me back – just little things like the arm around the shoulder thing from above. I don't feel confident in going in and asking her out unless I know that certain detail that tells me she has a thing for me – I'm not going in blind with this. That being said, the last factor is solving that problem – how do I find out if she likes me? I just can't ask her friend, because I fear too much of what will happen, based on our past history. My male friend knows of the situation, but is with me in asking her if she likes me would be too awkward, and create that tension of the girl knowing I like her as we continue to hang out as friends.

    The one possible solution I feel I have (though my one other friend feels as if this isn't a good idea to pursue, and I kinda agree with him), is that my male friend and I think that the other girl likes my male friend. I won't say how we can pick up on this due to I don't want this being overly long, so just take my word for it and assume she does. What I thought of doing was just texting her, asking if she likes my friend. Now, things would be weird if she doesn't send the response I'd be looking for, which would be her saying yes she does. But, if she does say that to me, my plan would be to tell her that I like our female friend, and try to set it up so that she talks to her friend for me, and I talk to my friend for her. But, that's a big assumption and I just can't predict what her answers will be, and my friend said that if anything should happen between my friend and her, I should just let it happen naturally, and thus get involved naturally too. Because it could be viewed as weird and suspicious for me to ask around when it really doesn't involve me to begin with.

    I mean, I very well could be looking way too much into this (a small part of me feels that I am), and it could be a very one-way emotional connection coming from me, and she's just my friend, and will always view me as such and doesn't have the emotional connection I'm looking for. However, I'm not so sure if the same can be said for my friend and the other female friend liking him, so that's why I'm confused as to whether or not my situation is the same as hers.

    But, this is just the condensed version of the story. I don't want to bore you all, so I'm just sticking with the basic facts. That said, based on what I wrote, how do you think I should deal with this situation? My one friend just said to wait it out for more concrete signs, which have yet to come. But I feel a reason why could be that the girls are just either too stubborn or feel the awkwardness themselves in expressing how they feel to my friend and I. Who knows. If I did, I wouldn't be asking the Internet for relationship advice.

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    Band simonj's Avatar
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    Somebody's chasing Amy.

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    windmills of your mind Think's Avatar
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    Sorry dude when I read your piece I had my suspicions so I looked into it for you
    http://bookblog.net/gender/genie.php
    It turns out you're a woman. I know this must come as a blow but I suppose you must have had an inkling.

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    Can anyone provide me with a legit answer, if at all possible?

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    Quote Originally Posted by Anonymous View Post
    Can anyone provide me with a legit answer, if at all possible?
    Quote Originally Posted by simonj View Post
    Somebody's chasing Amy.

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    I'm serious. I think she's gay. Reread your post. What in your description makes her sound straight?

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    λεγιων ονομα μοι sycld's Avatar
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    She's about as "straight but not dating" as I was.

    One is the fact that her and her friend don't really date, and I don't think they know the rules or social norms of dating.
    Also, is it just me, or did this "friend" of hers just seem to pop out of nowhere?

    Odd that you should mention her in the context of explaining the dating situation of this girl you like. Almost as if...

    gee, I dunno...

    they're a couple???

    For more information, I refer you to this pertinent educational film:

    Hulu - Saturday Night Live: Gingey@@AMEPARAM@@http://www.hulu.com/embed/M33_KTQEApqqpbOiVDntuQ@@AMEPARAM@@M33_KTQEApqqpbOi VDntuQ


    This all reminds me of when the girls of my high school class stuffed our then lesbian now f-to-m transgendered into a dress.
    Last edited by sycld; 05-12-2010 at 07:50 PM.


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    can't post; too scared Anonymous's Avatar
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    OP here.

    She's definitely not a lesbian. I know this. She's just never had a boyfriend before, and while I can see how you could think she and her/my friend might be muff lovers, that's not really true. I guess you have to personally know them to tell this, but, for now, just take my word for it. She's not a lesbian.

    That said, here's a new update and further proof to show that not only is she straight, but she might even have a thing for me (the very thing I've been looking for).

    I was driving around yesterday to kill time while waiting for my friends to become readily available to hang out, this girl being one of them. She texted me, asking if I wanted to have a companion to drive around with. I replied back with "Oh yes please." She said she'd be ready in 15 minutes, which she was.

    Long story short, we continue to drive around, and we go to a grocery store, where she asks me and I agree to buy her fireworks (though at first she said "No, you don't have to, I was just kidding." But I quickly talked her into letting me be nice and buy them). We do, and leave the store, and go back to my house, where she lies down on my bed. (This is a common thing when we hang out - either her or her friend lie on my bed. And no, they never lie on it together.) Knowing we'd be alone for some time, I grab a pillow and lie down next to her. We talk and talk. I eventually start to lie closer to her, and it got to the point where she's on her back and my arm is around her, hugging her pretty much. And, I don't see how she could have not have missed this, but my hand was clearly (and I tired my hardest to not make it creepy) edging, and finally got to resting on her left breast. I'd even move my hand to scratch my arm, and put it back, and she carried on as if nothing ever happened.

    That was the thing - she acted totally cool, and not at all uncomfortable. She showed me arms, and we compared how tan she was to me, and I showed her that my arms are very hairy, but since all my hair is blonde, you can't really tell. All the while my hand was on her breast and the other arm across her, hugging her. We did some other stupid things too (like she let me touch her nose where she once had a pimple and it left an indent but I couldn't feel or see it for the life of me), and again, all with total comfort and ease.

    Then, our friend (her friend - and, for the record, I say "her friend" just to clarify that I'm talking about the other girl. She's just as close as a friend to me as she is to her) comes over, and I get off the bed to let her into my room (I locked the door because my older brother who is living with us at the moment is kinda nosey and intrusive), where the girl I have a thing for got off the bed and just sat on the ground (I don't know why), and our friend sat on the bed, and picked up the pillow that I had been lying on. Jokingly, she asked "Were you two cuddling?" Before I could say anything or comprehend what was just asked, the girl I like said "Yes.", but not in a grossed out, annoyed or uncomfortable tone.

    After that, we went outside, lit up sparklers, and just B.S.'d. Us cuddling was never brought up again (though the girl I like seemed extra talkative to me).

    So Internet, that's the story as of now. Personally, I feel that what happened during our solo hang out session pretty much gave me the vibe that she also has a thing for me, but was probably a little nervous and not too sure how to bring it up (probably felt it'd be awkward, which I can understand - I contemplated bringing it up at some point, but backed off for that very reason), so I think that I should ask if she wants to hang out, just her and I alone again, and see what happens. And I say I feel that things might be looking the way I hoped they would because, unless she's just OK with dudes just randomly lying next to her, pretty much spooning and having their hands on her breast, then I think it's safe to at least assume she likes me too.

    Now, your thoughts/advice.

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    λεγιων ονομα μοι sycld's Avatar
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    Now, your thoughts/advice.
    Closeted.


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    Yeah you haven't refuted her not being gay. I'm guessing maybe you just have never really met or known any lesbians before but they can be pretty conspicuous. Especially when they're not yet 'out'.

    That aside, if Gina were here she'd tell you to just man up and fucking do something about it and stop whining to us on the internet. Grow a fuckin' pair.

    Anonymous post after anonymous post filled with meaningless minutae that you're probably reading way too much into isn't helping your real life situation. Weigh up the pros and cons of asking your closeted friend out and decide which you want to do. What other advice are you expecting to get? Or do you think maybe we care about every detail of your predicament? You're not Satori so it's not entertaining. Go away and live.

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    This'll be said ten times over but stop being a pussy. If you really had your hand on her tit, the story should've contained your tongue down her throat, or better. If she's letting you feel her up, that's pretty much an invitation to go after her. If she rejects you because she's into chicks, she'll more than likely be forgiving as lesbians get used to rejecting guys on the basis of having dicks and generally ain't mean about it since it's nothing personal. If she rejects you for some other reason, she's fucking crazy sending mixed messages and you should gtfo although I don't imagine that'll be the case with this girl.

    disclosure: I didn't actually read past the first paragraph of the op but this second post promised excited news, of which there was little, but I didn't know that until I finished reading.
    Quote Originally Posted by sycld View Post
    Closeted.
    I normally get annoyed with sycld's attempts at using his homosexuality for humor but this is hilarious.
    Quote Originally Posted by Atmosfear View Post
    scarf wasn't man enough to do it so queendork pushed herself down the stairs.

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    windmills of your mind Think's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by sponge View Post
    If you really had your hand on her tit, the story should've contained your tongue down her throat, or better.
    Pretty much this. I'd go further and say that in this situation (and 93% of all others) it would almost certainly have been more natural to kiss her than to repeatedly put your hand on her breast. You've got a serious case of selective shyness disorder dude.
    Next time anything of that sort happens again, seize the moment and kiss her, preferably before you get out your wang.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Think View Post
    , seize the moment and kiss her, preferably before you get out your wang.
    Now that's just wasting time.

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    judge reinhold gina's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by simonj View Post
    That aside, if Gina were here she'd tell you to just man up and fucking do something about it and stop whining to us on the internet. Grow a fuckin' pair.
    How well you know me.

    First off, I'm drunk off of bourbon, and I feel like being blunt.

    OP, are you in fucking grade school? Whew. You're moving slower than molasses. You generated two gigantic posts that, yes, I read all the way through, and it all sounds so incredibly petty.

    You're making it way obvious that you like her. I mean for chrissake you grabbed her boob. And didn't do anything about it. If she's anything like me, she'd want the guy to make the first move. You had it, you blew it. Even if it's something simple like brushing hair away from her face then going in for the kill. And by kill, I mean kiss. (I just thought about John Krasinksi doing that to me and I swooned.)

    You know what really attracts us ladies? Confidence. I am so not picky about what the guy looks like. If he has an aura of confidence in what he's doing, and in himself, that's what shines through, and that's what removes my pants. (I shouldn't have said that.)

    As for her being a lesbian, I've only known like 3 lesbians in my entire life and they were all short haired and liked other girls with short hair. I don't think she's gay, she's just probably way shyer than you.

    You're going to have to man up and really take initiative in going after what you desire. As for the detail reading and all the subtleties you've described in great detail, that's what Cosmopolitan does. Now, do you want to be equated to one of those desperate ladies that reads Cosmo? I didn't think so.
    Quote Originally Posted by DickStivers View Post
    tidus you're not allowed to call gina gines ok

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    the common sense fairy solecistic's Avatar
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    put your hand on her other tit and if she's cool with it then she'll probably let you do anal at which point you will post that you are still unsure whether she likes you back for sure

    godspeed

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    Quote Originally Posted by solecistic View Post
    put your hand on her other tit and if she's cool with it then she'll probably let you do anal at which point you will post that you are still unsure whether she likes you back for sure

    godspeed
    this would be a ps post worth reading (that part about anal, not the other bits)
    Quote Originally Posted by Atmosfear View Post
    scarf wasn't man enough to do it so queendork pushed herself down the stairs.

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    OP here. All of your replies, and from what I could take from them, has built my confidence up higher than it was before. I was very much so tempted to just kiss her right then and there, but, as many of you have said, I pussied out for a variety of reasons. No need to get into them, as some of them are obvious, but I certainly felt very close to just doing it, so this is what I'll remember for next time.

    Quote Originally Posted by gina
    As for her being a lesbian, I've only known like 3 lesbians in my entire life and they were all short haired and liked other girls with short hair. I don't think she's gay, she's just probably way shyer than you.
    Thank you. Finally someone else who sees my point of her not being a lesbian.

    Either way, my confidence is definitely built up now. This is a good sign. I don't think I blew it, as yesterday at 3:30 AM, I drove her home, my arm on the car seat she was sitting in, and she rested her head on my arm. Little things like this I look for, and there's starting to be more and more of them, so I'm going to make my move soon.

    Thanks Internet. I'll be sure to let you all know of the end result.

    And to show my thanks, since this thread has Asthon Kutcher in the title, I will now post pictures of Ashton Kutcher:




























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    λεγιων ονομα μοι sycld's Avatar
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    OP, are you in fucking grade school? Whew. You're moving slower than molasses. You generated two gigantic posts that, yes, I read all the way through, and it all sounds so incredibly petty.
    My assumption was that he couldn't be older than 14.

    Maybe he'll get to second base and play doctor.


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    Senior Member DAVIDSDIVAD's Avatar
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    I hereby propose that the girl the OP likes is straight, but that the OP is the closeted gay.

    Seriously dude, you got your hand on a boob, and then did NOTHING????
    That is the biggest green-light on the planet.


    Here's what you do:

    1.) recreate the situation (lying on bed in room)

    2.) get hand on left boob.

    3.) instead of being a poon, engage the other boob, and go for the full on double handfull.

    4.) proceed to have unprotected sexes.

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    gah, I'm so invested in this thread. I need to know what happened next.

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    Senior Member ozzy's Avatar
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    holy shit this thread is so bad

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    Senior Member DAVIDSDIVAD's Avatar
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    I still think OP is a faggot

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    Deal with it DaiTengu's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by DAVIDSDIVAD View Post
    I still think OP is a faggot
    I wasn't sure, then he posted pictures of Ashton Kutcher.

    Now I'm sure.

    Edit: why did I pick this thread as the first thing to read after I woke up? :cripes:

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    OP here:

    I'm not a fag.

    I made the move, and we made out for 3 hours.

    She liked me too, and for some time.

    I had a bad case of blue balls though afterwards.

    But she's lying on my bed right now, and so I'm going to go lie down next to her.

    Mission accomplished.

    Thanks, Internet.

    And yes, this really is OP.

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    Senior Member DAVIDSDIVAD's Avatar
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    I made the move
    bad case of blue balls


    Mission accomplished.


    I'm not a fag.


    >>Mission accomplished.
    I'm not a fag.
    >>Mission accomplished.
    I'm not a fag.
    >>Mission accomplished.

    DOES NOT COMPUTE

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    Quote Originally Posted by DAVIDSDIVAD View Post
    DOES NOT COMPUTE
    Everyone said the same thing when Ashton Kutcher's movies actually made money.

    See, my thread title really IS relevant.

    But seriously, every time we've made out, my balls really do get sore. Then, I jack off, come like Christmas morning, and while they're still sore, they're not as sore. Is this really a case of blue balls?

    I think it might be, as my mind (and junk) is so used to making out with a girl and at least having them be touched by said girl. This current girl is shy and new to all of this, and so far, has not even dared grazed the area with any hands. Is this why they're sore? Because mentally, I'm so used to having them be felt up that now, everything's getting clogged up down there because things aren't going like before?

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    the common sense fairy solecistic's Avatar
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    jesus fuck shut up

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    Senior Member ozzy's Avatar
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    gb2highschool

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    moar like gb2juniorhighschool

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    Senior Member DAVIDSDIVAD's Avatar
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    moar like gb2comingoutoftheclosettoyourparents

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    Sheriff of Paddy's captain castle's Avatar
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    Man, I am the biggest pussy alive, and I've never taken my hand on a girls boob to be anything but a green light
    Quote Originally Posted by Atmosfear View Post
    Yeah, the porn stars are the ones who are gross and creepy, not the guy who tells his girlfriends "I just like watching chicks getting their vag's pounded"

    Virgins who have never had a girlfriend are hereby banned from PS starting yesterday
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    Captain Castle: Now with the ability to fuck you into atheism
    Quote Originally Posted by DAVIDSDIVAD View Post
    Holy shit you are unfunny

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    Senior Member DAVIDSDIVAD's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by captain castle View Post
    Man, I am the biggest pussy alive, and I've never taken my hand on a girls boob to be anything but a green light
    lolfatchicks

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    Sheriff of Paddy's captain castle's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by DAVIDSDIVAD View Post
    lolfatchicks
    Fat chicks need lovin too


    They just gotta pay
    Quote Originally Posted by Atmosfear View Post
    Yeah, the porn stars are the ones who are gross and creepy, not the guy who tells his girlfriends "I just like watching chicks getting their vag's pounded"

    Virgins who have never had a girlfriend are hereby banned from PS starting yesterday
    Quote Originally Posted by no_brains_no_worries View Post
    You're probably the only person who be able to commit felony-level acts of violence in nerd rage.
    Quote Originally Posted by CyanideWyrm View Post
    Captain Castle: Now with the ability to fuck you into atheism
    Quote Originally Posted by DAVIDSDIVAD View Post
    Holy shit you are unfunny

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    I've never 'copped a feel' and if I did, I'd 100% be expecting to violate that girl later that night.

    also ashton kutchgay is gay

    also I've never had blue balls
    lik dis if u cry evertim
    Quote Originally Posted by Mr. E View Post
    yes
    Quote Originally Posted by KT. View Post
    Oh I was expecting a guide to making meth

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