Thread: Friend zone?

friend zone or not, you're two states away. it's just not sustainable. do you remember that story about the really successful relationship that began long-distance between people who had previously been friends? yeah, me neither.

pussy pedestal or not, you've allowed yourself to become too invested in this girl before actually starting anything with her. sirens going off right there: you've doomed the relationship before it could start. let's say something actually DOES happen between you (and it won't; see "two states away" entry) -- it can go only one of two ways:

(1) she feels something for you, but nothing compared to your "love" for her, leaving you feel unfulfilled and her feeling guilty. fun fact, this is sort of why my last girlfriend broke up with me: i told her i loved her, quite casually, and made it clear i wasn't expecting reciprocation from her before she was comfortable. i said that i find it easy to tell people i love them, and that me saying "i love you" to her was as true as if i were to say it to any other of my dear friends. to her, love was much more complicated and Serious Business than that, so she never could say it back. i was fine with it, because i always felt it from her, even if the phrase "i love you" meant two different things to us. but she felt such a keen guilt about not saying it back to me that she had to end the relationship because she thought she was hurting me. (then later she hurt me really badly. subject for another entry.) as you can see, not a fun option.

or (2) she is as crazy about you as you are about her, but that intensity of feeling was artificially created by the distance between you and the mutual appreciation of each other's familiar awkwardness. this will wear off quickly, and then you'll be in a malfunctioning long-distance relationship where likely one of you is still invested and the other is resentful. fantastic!

you don't have a winning scenario here. find a girl in your state, and don't fall in love with her till you're dating her. and even then wait for a while.

Originally Posted by faesce

love is a fickle thing that if returned, shapes your soul, and if denied, destroys it.

do not ever, under any circumstances, convince yourself you love someone before you've made it clear to that person that you're in it as more than a friend. fuck, i can't even conceive how you can love someone while they have no idea. it sounds destructive as hell, not gonna lie.

hah, this is actually really wise advice, even though there's about a 65% chance faesce is just screwing with everyone

thanks y'all, some wise words put less obnoxiously than others, and i have actually toned it down recently. i'll just wait this one out.....and ya no real reason to use anonymous but who gives a terd anyway