Hello everyone, I'll start off by saying im a 20 year old with 3 siblings still living at home with my parents. My 3 siblings are my 29 year old half-sister Melissa, my 18 year old brother Christopher, and my 14 year old brother Michael. Growing up, my sister wasn't around much, she lived with her dad (we shared the same mother) for the bulk of my childhood and the earliest memory I have of her is probably around when i was 8 or 9. My brother Christopher up until around the age of 2 or 3 was as normal as any child. At that age however, my family sat my mom down and told her that they believed my brother was deaf. He didn't respond to his own name being called. The doctors had told my parents that my brother would never be able to hear.

After a few surgeries and some therapy, my brother was able to hear, but the doctors noticed that he was autistic. They told my parents not to expect him to ever be able to talk. Then my youngest brother Michael was born. So now here's the situation I find myself in. Theres only 2 parents, 3 small children. One is autistic, one is a newborn, and one a perfectly normal 6 year old. I don't want to make it seem like I was neglected and treated poorly. I lived a fairly comfortable life. My only problem is that I don't feel any connection to my parents.

I understand that my parents love me with the kind of love only a parent can have, but it just hurts me so much to never have seen it first hand. I don't have any memories of me ever hugging my parents. I dont think I've ever told them I loved them or heard them say the same towards me. I don't hate or resent my brothers. It's not their fault, they didn't do anything, and I can't really say I'm angry at my parents for having to do what they did. I was the oldest and the most capable of taking care of myself.

I've never really told anyone about any of this, but recently my best friends dad was diagnosed with terminal pancreatic cancer, and it just made me really think about my own parents. I see all my friends and coworkers have great relationships with their parents, and then there I am, not having spoken to my father in a few years despite living in the same household.

This whole issue has caused me some weird emotional issues. I can't keep relationships going, in fact I just broke up with my girlfriend because it. I get obsessive, compulsive, overly dramatic. I try everything in my power to try and not get crazy, but I can't stop myself. I always prided myself on being as independent as I am, but these recent events have just put me in such a depressing mood. I don't know what to do.