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Thread: What should I do?

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    can't post; too scared Anonymous's Avatar
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    Default What should I do?

    Hello everyone, I'll start off by saying im a 20 year old with 3 siblings still living at home with my parents. My 3 siblings are my 29 year old half-sister Melissa, my 18 year old brother Christopher, and my 14 year old brother Michael. Growing up, my sister wasn't around much, she lived with her dad (we shared the same mother) for the bulk of my childhood and the earliest memory I have of her is probably around when i was 8 or 9. My brother Christopher up until around the age of 2 or 3 was as normal as any child. At that age however, my family sat my mom down and told her that they believed my brother was deaf. He didn't respond to his own name being called. The doctors had told my parents that my brother would never be able to hear.

    After a few surgeries and some therapy, my brother was able to hear, but the doctors noticed that he was autistic. They told my parents not to expect him to ever be able to talk. Then my youngest brother Michael was born. So now here's the situation I find myself in. Theres only 2 parents, 3 small children. One is autistic, one is a newborn, and one a perfectly normal 6 year old. I don't want to make it seem like I was neglected and treated poorly. I lived a fairly comfortable life. My only problem is that I don't feel any connection to my parents.

    I understand that my parents love me with the kind of love only a parent can have, but it just hurts me so much to never have seen it first hand. I don't have any memories of me ever hugging my parents. I dont think I've ever told them I loved them or heard them say the same towards me. I don't hate or resent my brothers. It's not their fault, they didn't do anything, and I can't really say I'm angry at my parents for having to do what they did. I was the oldest and the most capable of taking care of myself.

    I've never really told anyone about any of this, but recently my best friends dad was diagnosed with terminal pancreatic cancer, and it just made me really think about my own parents. I see all my friends and coworkers have great relationships with their parents, and then there I am, not having spoken to my father in a few years despite living in the same household.

    This whole issue has caused me some weird emotional issues. I can't keep relationships going, in fact I just broke up with my girlfriend because it. I get obsessive, compulsive, overly dramatic. I try everything in my power to try and not get crazy, but I can't stop myself. I always prided myself on being as independent as I am, but these recent events have just put me in such a depressing mood. I don't know what to do.

  2. #2
    cowabunga
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    as awkward and weird as you might perceive it to be, imagine the relief you'd experience if you were to tell your parents everything you just confided in us. i bet they'd want to hear it more than you think.
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    Band simonj's Avatar
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    faesce is right. You'd probably be surprised at the response you'll get.
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    can't post; too scared Anonymous's Avatar
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    OP here: I've never talked to my parents about anything remotely similar to this. They're just not the people I go to when I have a problem with anything. I don't even know how I'd tell them.

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    ))) joke, relax ;) coqauvin's Avatar
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    you have issues with your parents, but there's nothing stopping you from talking to them about them except embarassment
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    Merry fucking Christmas Atmosfear's Avatar
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    For what it's worth, this happens to lots of people, especially amongst over functioning children. However close you were as a child, you hit puberty and clearly demonstrate your independence, and you simply drift further and further apart from your parents. Then somewhere in your 20s (often after college), you realize that you've lost the relationship with your parents and it takes work to get it back.

    Talk to your parents. I bet they felt, especially comparatively, that you didn't NEED them, and that's a very powerless feeling for a parent, regardless of how proud of you that he or she is. Personally, I drifted pretty far apart from my parents because other than a monthly deposit to my checking account throughout college, I didn't need them very much. The more successful I was, whether academically, socially, financially, or through the internships I had in school or job offers I had after, the less I sought their input and the less they felt needed.

    As you are experiencing, eventually it hits you that you are lonely being so distant from your parents and it becomes a higher priority to actively engage them in your life. For me, I bought a condo without even consulting my parents (they only found out when I called in some loans I had made to them to buy our mountain house)... My dad, over a year later, has never seen my home. From his perspective, there's not much he feels has left to teach me, as I am much more active in managing my career and my portfolio than he ever was.

    The key for me was to involve them in my life decisions. It meant a lot to them, especially my dad, that I started talking to them about what I was planning before I acted, rather than tell them what I had already done. Sometimes I value their input and other times I don't, but I think more than anything they appreciate the opportunity to be included and to be heard.

    Like faesce said, if they are "good" parents (as you said that they are), you'll be very surprised at their reaction if you tell them what you told us. They probably recognize that they would like to be a larger part of your life, but may feel that you are too far along the road to need them. You will be surprised how much they are willing to be a part of your life if you give them an opportunity.

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    cowabunga
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    Quote Originally Posted by Anonymous View Post
    OP here: I've never talked to my parents about anything remotely similar to this. They're just not the people I go to when I have a problem with anything. I don't even know how I'd tell them.
    you're thinking too much

    it's really as easy as presenting precise, coherent sentences containing your feelings to your parents. everything after that will fall into place, if you let it.
    I got my allowance but I spent it all on ice cream

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    FFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUU Anonymous D's Avatar
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    I used to feel the same way about my parents. Then I moved out. That will more than likely change your perspective.
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    Senior Member ShitFace's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Anonymous D View Post
    I used to feel the same way about my parents. Then I moved out. That will more than likely change your perspective.
    I don't it would change the perspective, just put it on the backburner.

    ie: avoiding the issue.
    Andy says:
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    i dont think skill is a genre of game lol
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    of course it is you have seen the crystal maze havnt you?
    he says what next a skill physical mental?


    Blind people don't see black, they see the same thing you see out of your elbow - VengfulScars

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