LOADING...
LOADING...
LOADING...
LOADING...
YOU MUST PASS THE TUTORIAL LEVELS TO START THE MAIN GAME!
YOU HAVE REACHED TUTORIAL LEVEL 1: CONCEPTION!
GAINED "SOUL"
GAINED "CELL DIVISION"
LOADING...
CONGRATULATIONS!
YOU HAVE REACHED TUTORIAL LEVEL 2: TWO MONTHS!
GAINED "PLACENTA"
GAINED "HUMAN FORM"
GAINED "ORGANS"
LOADING...
CONGRATULATIONS!
YOU HAVE REACHED TUTORIAL LEVEL 3: FIVE MONTHS!
GAINED "FINGERS"
GAINED "SKELETAL SYSTEM"
OH NO! YOU HAVE BEEN SNEAK ATTACKED BY MONSTER "FETAL ALCOHOL SYNDROME!"
LOST "MOTOR SKILLS"
LOST "MENTAL ACUITY"
GAINED "POLYDACTYLY"
LOADING...
CONGRATULATIONS!
YOU HAVE REACHED TUTORIAL LEVEL 4: EIGHT MONTHS!
GAINED "COMPLETE ORGAN SYSTEM"
GAINED "GENEDER IDENTIFIABLE ORGAN"
GAINED "LATENT HOMOSEXUALITY"
LOADING...
CONGRATULATIONS!
YOU HAVE FINISHED ALL TUTORIAL LEVELS!
YOU HAVE REACHED LEVEL 0: BIRTH!
GAINED "FIRST SIGHT OF THE WORLD"
GAINED "CRYING"
GAINED "MOTHER'S SUBCONSCIOUS HATRED"
LOADING...
CONGRATULATIONS!
YOU HAVE REACHED LEVEL 1: ONE YEAR OLD!
GAINED "INDIVDUALITY"
GAINED "ATTENTION"
GAINED "FIRST STEPS"
GAINED "FIRST WORDS"
GAINED "COHERENT THOUGHT"
GAINED "SUBCONSCIOUS OEDIPUS COMPLEX"
GAINED "SECURITY BLANKET"
LOADING...
CONGRATULATIONS!
YOU'VE REACHED LEVEL 2: TWO YEARS OLD!
GAINED "TEMPER TANTRUM"
GAINED "PATRIARCHAL CONTEMPT"
GAINED "SELFISHNESS"
LOST "DIAPERS"
GAINED "POTTY TRAINING"
LOADING...
CONGRATULATIONS!
YOU HAVE REACHED LEVEL 3: THREE YEARS OLD!
GAINED "LITTLE BROTHER"
LOST "INDIVIDUALITY"
LOST "ATTENTION"
GAINED "HATRED OF LITTLE BROTHER"
GAINED "FIRST MALICIOUS THOUGHT"
GAINED "FIRST TRICYCLE"
LOADING...
CONGRATULATIONS!
YOU HAVE REACHED LEVEL 4: FOUR YEARS OLD!
LOST "FIRST TRYCICLE"
GAINED "FIRST PET: DOG"
"HATRED FOR LITTLE BROTHER" INCREASED!
"TEMPER TANTRUM" INCREASED!
LOADING...
CONGRATULATIONS!
YOU HAVE REACHED LEVEL 5: FIVE YEARS OLD!
GAINED "DAYCARE"
GAINED "THE DISAPPROVAL OF YOUR PEERS"
GAINED "HABIT OF EATING GLUE"
GAINED "SOCIAL AWKWARDNESS"
LOST "SELFISHNESS"
"HATRED FOR LITTLE BROTHER" INCREASED!
LOST "FIRST PET: DOG"
GAINED "EMOTIONAL SCARRING"
"MALICIOUS THOUGHTS" INCREASED!
LOADING...
CONGRATULATIONS!
YOU HAVE REACHED LEVEL 6: SIX YEARS OLD!
GAINED "KINDERGARTEN"
"THE DISAPPROVAL OF YOUR PEERS" INCREASED!
LOST "POTTY TRAINING"
GAINED "BED-WETTING"
"EMOTIONAL SCARRING" INCREASED!
GAINED "FIRST BICYCLE: TRAINING WHEELS"
GAINED "SECOND PET: DOG"
LOADING...
CONGRATULATIONS!
YOU HAVE REACHED LEVEL 7: SEVEN YEARS OLD!
LOST "SECOND PET: DOG"
"BED-WETTING" INCREASED!
"EMOTIONAL SCARRING" INCREASED!
GAINED "FIRST GRADE"
"THE DISAPPROVAL OF YOUR PEERS" INCREASED!
"SOCIAL AWKWARDNESS" INCREASED!
"MALICIOUS THOUGHTS" INCREASED!
LOADING...
CONGRATULATIONS!
YOU HAVE REACHED LEVEL 8: EIGHT YEARS OLD!
LOST "TRAINING WHEELS"
GAINED "FIRST BICYCLE"
GAINED "THIRD PET: CAT"
GAINED "SECOND GRADE"
"BED-WETTING" INCREASED!
"EMOTIONAL SCARRING" INCREASED!
GAINED "FIRST FRIEND"
"EMOTIONAL SCARRING" DECREASED!
LOADING...
CONGRATULATIONS!
YOU HAVE REACHED LEVEL 9: NINE YEARS OLD!
GAINED "THIRD GRADE"
"THE DISAPPROVAL OF YOUR PEERS" INCREASED!
LOST "FIRST FRIEND"
LOST "BED-WETTING"
GAINED "POTTY TRAINING"
LOST "FIRST BICYCLE"
LOADING...
CONGRATULATIONS!
YOU HAVE REACHED LEVEL 10: TEN YEARS OLD!
GAINED "FOURTH GRADE"
GAINED "SECOND BICYCLE"
GAINED "FRIENDS"
"THE DISAPPROVAL OF YOUR PEERS" DECREASED!
"EMOTIONAL SCARRING" DECREASED!
"OEDIPUS COMPLEX" INCREASED!
LOST "SECURITY BLANKET"
LOST "LITTLE BROTHER"
"EMOTIONAL SCARRING" INCREASED!
LOADING...
CONGRATULATIONS!
YOU HAVE REACHED LEVEL 11: ELEVEN YEARS OLD!
LOST "FOURTH GRADE"
GAINED "FOURTH GRADE"
"FRIENDS" DECREASED!
"EMOTIONAL SCARRING" INCREASED!
GAINED "WEIGHT"
LOADING...
YOU HAVE REACHED LEVEL 12: TWELVE YEARS OLD!
GAINED "FIFTH GRADE"
"LATENT HOMOSEXUALITY" INCREASED!
"FRIENDS" DECREASED!
"THE DISAPPROVAL OF YOUR PEERS" INCREASED!
"SOCIAL AWKWARDNESS" INCREASED!
GAINED "BED-WETTING"
"EMOTIONAL SCARRING" INCREASED!
LOADING...
CONGRATULATIONS!
YOU HAVE REACHED LEVEL 13: THIRTEEN YEARS OLD!
GAINED "SIXTH GRADE"
GAINED "SOCIALLY AWKWARD FRIENDS"
"THE DISAPPROVAL OF YOUR PEERS" INCREASED!
LOST "BED-WETTING"
GAINED "BED-WETTING"
LOST "BED-WETTING"
GAINED "BED-WETTING"
LOST "BED-WETTING"
GAINED "FIRST SEXUAL THOUGHT"
GAINED "EMBARASSMENT IN THE MIDDLE OF CLASS"
"EMOTIONAL SCARRING" INCREASED!
LOADING...
CONGRATULATIONS!
YOU HAVE REACHED LEVEL 14: FOURTEEN YEARS OLD!
GAINED "SEVENTH GRADE"
"SOCIALLY AWKWARD FRIENDS" INCREASED!
"SOCIAL AWKWARDNESS" INCREASED!
"THE DISAPPROVAL OF YOUR PEERS" INCREASED!
"WEIGHT" INCREASED!
GAINED "FIRST CRUSH"
LOST "FIRST CRUSH"
"EMOTIONAL SCARRING" INCREASED!
LOADING...
CONGRATULATIONS!
YOU HAVE REACHED LEVEL 15: FIFTEEN YEARS OLD
GAINED "EIGHTH GRADE"
GAINED "BED-WETTING"
"THE DISAPPROVAL OF YOUR PEERS" INCREASED!
LOST "BED-WETTING"
GAINED "SECOND CRUSH"
LOST "SECOND CRUSH"
GAINED "THIRD CRUSH"
LOST "THIRD CRUSH"
GAINED "FOURTH CRUSH"
LOST "FOURTH CRUSH"
GAINED "FIFTH CRUSH"
LOST "FIFTH CRUSH"
"LATENT HOMOSEXUALITY" INCREASED!
"OEDIPUS COMPLEX" INCREASED!
LOADING...
CONGRATULATIONS!
YOU HAVE REACHED LEVEL 16: SIXTEEN YEARS OLD!
GAINED "NINTH GRADE"
"SOCIALLY AWKWARD FRIENDS" DECREASED!
GAINED "NICOTINE ADDICTION"
GAINED "PUBERTY"
GAINED "SIXTH CRUSH"
GAINED "OBSESSION"
"SOCIAL AWKWARDNESS" INCREASED!
"THE DISAPPROVAL OF YOUR PEERS" INCREASED!
"EMOTIONAL SCARRING" INCREASED!
LOADING...
CONGRATULATIONS!
YOU HAVE REACHED LEVEL 17: SEVENTEEN YEARS OLD!
GAINED "TENTH GRADE"
GAINED "FIRST RELATIONSHIP"
"OBSESSION" INCREASED!
LOST "FIRST RELATIONSHIP"
"EMOTIONAL SCARRING" INCREASED!
GAINED "BED-WETTING"
LOST "BED-WETTING"
"NICOTINE ADDICTION" INCREASED!
GAINED "ALCOHOL ADDICTION"
GAINED "SEVENTH CRUSH"
LOST "SEVENTH CRUSH"
"ALCOHOL ADDICTION" INCREASED!
"SOCIAL AWKWARDNESS" INCREASED!
"EMOTIONAL SCARRING" INCREASED!
LOADING...
CONGRATULATIONS!
YOU HAVE REACHED LEVEL 18: EIGHTEEN YEARS OLD!
GAINED "LEGALITY"
"NICOTINE ADDICTION" INCREASED!
"ALCOHOL ADDICTION" INCREASED!
GAINED "EIGHTH CRUSH"
LOST "EIGHTH CRUSH"
GAINED "NINTH CRUSH"
LOST "NINTH CRUSH"
GAINED "HOMOSEXUALITY"
"THE DISAPPROVAL OF YOUR PEERS" INCREASED!
"PATRIARCHAL CONTEMPT" INCREASED!
"FRIENDS" DECREASED!
"SOCIAL AWKWARDNESS" INCREASED!
"EMOTIONAL SCARRING" INCREASED!
LOST "THIRD PET: CAT"
GAINED "DEPRESSION"
GAINED "HANDGUN"
GAINED "BULLETS"
OH NO! YOU HAVE BEEN SNEAK ATTACKED BY MONSTER "SUICIDE!"
GAME OVER.
