Tik Tok parody song (work in progress)

http://i153.photobucket.com/albums/s...huyoo1_400.jpg

Wake up in the morning feelin like Pete Parker
Here a scream, I grab my mask, I'm gonna stop attackers
Before I leave get my camera and some extra film rolls
Cuz when I leave for the day, I'll be out on patrol

I'm talkin
Webbin up all my foes foes
Helpin out regular Joes Joes
Snappin my favorite pose pose

Web slingin
Swingin by a party
Foolin around with Ms. Hardy
Tryin to save New York Ciiiiitttyyy

Don't stop, catch Doc Ock
Before he blows the city up
Tonight, Imma fight
Cuz of a spider bite
Tik tok on the clock
But the bad guys never stop, no

Ain't got a girlfriend in the world
But got plenty of friends
Ain't got no weapons in my pocket
But I don't need em

And now the people are lining up
Cuz they hear I'm real fly
But I kick em to the curb
Unless they're a good guy

I still need to write a verse and the bridge. Oh and I manipulated the photo for this.

Serious criticism and comments are welcomed

You should collaborate with Satori.

Free weezy

Your rhythms are way off.

hey guys, my comic book friends thought this was killer. But yeah, the rhythm is off in some places. I'm still working on it.

Your comic book friends thought this was killer because they've never seen a girl

GOD YOU'RE LIKE VIRGINIA WOOLF THE FAGGOTS THAT WRITE FOR BRITTANY SPEARS ALL ROLLED UP INTO ONE

NOW BRING YOUR WRITING TO THE NEXT LEVEL BY TAKING A ONE WAY TRIP TO THE BOTTOM OF THE RIVER

I made some changes. (Bolded for your convenience)


Wake up in the morning feelin like Pete Parker
Grab my mask, I'm out the door, I'm gonna stop attackers
Before I leave get my camera and some extra film rolls
Cuz when I leave for the day, I'll be out on patrol

I'm talkin
Webbin up all my foes foes
Helpin out regular Joes Joes
Strikin' my favorite pose pose

Web slingin
Swingin by a party
Flirtin' with Ms. Hardy
Tryin to save New York Ciiiiitttyyy

Don't stop, catch Doc Ock
Before he blows the city up
Tonight, Imma fight
Because of a spider bite
Tik tok on the clock
But the bad guys never stop, no

Ain't got a girlfriend in the world
But got plenty of friends
Ain't got no weapons in my pocket
But I don't need em

And now the people are lining up
Cuz they hear I'm real fly
But I kick em to the curb
Unless they're a good guy

audio pls

tiktokparody1.mp3

http://img.wellimean.com/fags/kt/tiktokparody1.jpg

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Originally Posted by simonj

Free weezy

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Quote:

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Originally Posted by KT.

Wake up in the morning feelin like Pete Parker
Grab my mask, I'm out the door, I'm gonna stop attackers

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Parker and attacker don't rhyme, and who calls bad guys/hoodlums/criminals/black people "attackers" anyway?

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Before I leave get my camera and some extra film rolls

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This line in particular sounds like someone from an upper middle class suburban housing development trying to rap.

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Cuz when I leave for the day, I'll be out on patrol

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Redundant (you already said you were leaving), and how does taking a camera imply you'll "be out on patrol"?

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Strikin' my favorite pose pose

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Yes, the reluctant, emotionally turbulent superhero Spiderman is often known to strike his "favorite pose (pose)."

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Don't stop, catch Doc Ock
Before he blows the city up

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Doesn't rhyme, you cunt.

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Tik tok on the clock

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DON'T USE THE HOOK FROM THE ORIGINAL SONG IN A PARODY YOU GODDAMN BITCH

Quote:

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Ain't got a girlfriend in the world
But got plenty of friends
Ain't got no weapons in my pocket
But I don't need em

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There is nothing right or good about this.

Quote:

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And now the people are lining up
Cuz they hear I'm real fly
But I kick em to the curb
Unless they're a good guy

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And I thought the previous bit was bad. This just completely leaves me dumb struck.

i call bad guys/hoodlums/criminals/black people "barkers"

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Originally Posted by sycld

Parker and attacker don't rhyme, and who calls bad guys/hoodlums/criminals/black people "attackers" anyway?

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Yeah but it's one of those close enough rhymes. Here are the words that exactly rhyme with Parker: "barker, darker, harker, marker, starker". If you can think of a better line, I'll gladly switch it.

Quote:

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This line in particular sounds like someone from an upper middle class suburban housing development trying to rap.

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Thanks!

Quote:

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Redundant (you already said you were leaving), and how does taking a camera imply you'll "be out on patrol"?

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Well the redundancy about leaving is in the original song so you'll need to complain to the original songwriter. Also, taking the camera doesn't necessarily imply that Spider-Man is going "out on patrol" but if you know anything about Peter Parker, he's had a freelance photography gig throughout most of his career as Spider-Man. He needs his camera so he can take pictures of himself fighting bad guys.

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Yes, the reluctant, emotionally turbulent superhero Spiderman is often known to strike his "favorite pose (pose)."

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Yeah, you don't read comics do you? There is far more levity to the character than reluctance and emotional turbulence.

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Doesn't rhyme, you cunt.

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It's not suppose to rhyme. The original lines there don't.

"Don't stop, make it pop
DJ, blow my speakers up"

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DON'T USE THE HOOK FROM THE ORIGINAL SONG IN A PARODY YOU GODDAMN BITCH

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Ok

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There is nothing right or good about this.

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How can I improve it? What in particular is bad about it? Personally I thought it was pretty clever compared to the original lines.

"Ain't got a care in world, but got plenty of beer
Ain't got no money in my pocket, but I'm already here"

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And I thought the previous bit was bad. This just completely leaves me dumb struck.

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Well you know best don't you. Thanks for the critique!

Here's the part of the original song I parodied:

Wake up in the morning feeling like P Diddy
Grab my glasses, I'm out the door, I'm gonna hit this city
Before I leave, brush my teeth with a bottle of Jack
'Cause when I leave for the night, I ain't coming back

I'm talking pedicure on our toes, toes
Trying on all our clothes, clothes
Boys blowing up our phones, phones
Drop-topping, playing our favorite CDs
Pulling up to the parties
Trying to get a little bit tipsy

Don't stop, make it pop
DJ, blow my speakers up
Tonight, I'mma fight
'Til we see the sunlight
Tick tock on the clock
But the party don't stop, no


Ain't got a care in world, but got plenty of beer
Ain't got no money in my pocket, but I'm already here
And now, the dudes are lining up cause they hear we got swagger
But we kick em to the curb unless they look like Mick Jagger

The only reason she chose 'Mick Jagger' was because the only other thing that rhymes with 'swagger' is 'teabagger'.

Do you see now how KT is comparatively Bob Dylan?

i for one am enjoying how seriously she's taking this

I like how you tried to troll me but I was all like pshaw, whatever dude. I'm not giving you the satisfaction.

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Originally Posted by KT.

I like how you tried to troll me but I was all like pshaw, whatever dude. I'm not giving you the satisfaction.

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"no u dun understan here r orijinal lyrics k?"

should work

tiktokparody1.mp3

As a parody it all works pretty well. Fuck you Sycld, listen to Weird Al, the rhymes/syncopation/metaphors etc etc etc aren't always perfect (just like in most forms of popular music - lyricism is fairly different to poetry as a whole) but they fit to the music they are parodying.

Also, well done on actually recording it and posting it. This website is way too cynical sometimes.

i'll try setting it to the instrumental

10000000 hit youtube video here we go

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Originally Posted by simonj

As a parody it all works pretty well. Fuck you Sycld, listen to Weird Al, the rhymes/syncopation/metaphors etc etc etc aren't always perfect (just like in most forms of popular music - lyricism is fairly different to poetry as a whole) but they fit to the music they are parodying.

Also, well done on actually recording it and posting it. This website is way too cynical sometimes.

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:)

Quote:

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Originally Posted by simonj

The only reason she chose 'Mick Jagger' was because the only other thing that rhymes with 'swagger' is 'teabagger'.

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and "world of warcraft lagger" isn't very pop-y

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Originally Posted by sycld

i for one am enjoying how seriously she's taking this

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only 9999999 views to go

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VVf2kPukcjM

dislike'd

I probably should have sang to the beat. lol that was awesome though

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wXw6znXPfy4

thats my response

I wrote one for sycld I think he'll prefer it

Wake in Forest Hill, Queens, (that’s in New York City) (uh huh)
Grab my mask, I’m out the window where the streets are gritty
Before I leave I retrieve that camera I lack
Make sure I film every monster that brave spidey attacks

I’m talking tracking down all my foes, foes
Protecting all those with woes, woes
Photoshop and crop my superim-posed pose
I’m saving my city from sleaze, sleaze
Protecting my favourite squeeze, squeeze
And doing it all wittttttthhhhh glee

Chorus:
Doctor Oc, Eddie Brock
You know I’ll put them under lock
And key, you’ll surely see
That you don’t wanna mess with me
Can’t stop to take stock
‘Cause the bad guys always flock
To mee-ee-ee, mee-ee-ee

(Repeat Chorus)

See the red and the spider; you’ve got nothing to fear
Unless you’re criminal, jewish or a well-known queer
Cause when I see a male prostitute leer and swagger
If I didn’t spray them all over I’d have to draw my pork dagger

I’m talking covering in metaphorical spunk, spunk
Or I’d have to pull out my junk, junk
When I see that brute evil hunk, hunk

Now I respond to Mary Jane’s pout, pout
But I really want a little boy scout, scout
Really want a little boy scout, scout
Really want a

Doctor Oc, Eddie Brock
I wish they'd symbiote my cock
You see, villains flee
Cause of my sexuality
Can’t stop, to take stock
'Cause I’m straight there’s nothing wrong
With mee-ee-ee, mee-ee-ee

I don't feel very well now

sing that while you throw up

i'll make the rival youtube video for everyone to thumbs up

nah sycld should be a sport and do it

i was considering humouring you but i can't bring myself to singing anything that sounds like that stupid song

ham it up!

sycld if you do it i'll s your d

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_SDqnuJk-XQ

lol. It's kind of cheesy, but would be a lot better if you redid the track with proper timing and a little more enthusiasm. It just sounds like you are talking when you should be singing/rapping or whatever she calls it.

She only recorded it to prove it works in time with the song

You cant prove that if you don't sing it IN TIME.

you sing it then

I don't give a fuck

I don't mean to be offensive. The lyrics fit in time just fine.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by sponge

YouTube - Kesha Mein Fuhrer! Tik Tok LOLACAUST!

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I just got around to watching that. Actually, that 4chan post the lyrics were taken from is what inspired me to write the parody.

http://i153.photobucket.com/albums/s...leka/bstsa.png

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Originally Posted by Meatball

I don't mean to be offensive. The lyrics fit in time just fine.

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No offense taken

Just for the record, I did intend to be a little offensive.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d7n8GqewJ2M

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Originally Posted by sycld

Just for the record, I did intend to be a little offensive.

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no offense taken

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Originally Posted by DaiTengu

YouTube - TIK TOK KESHA Parody: Glitter Puke - Key of Awe$ome #13

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I was just about to post this :(

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Originally Posted by KT.

no offense taken

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FUUUUUUUUUUUUUU--

But anyway watch this.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W_cGo0q7krk

http://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/dental_nerve.png

Quote:

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Originally Posted by roll over text

WAKE up in the MORning and my BREATH ain't PREtty / and noBODY'S gonna KISS me if my MOUTH smells SHItty / so I ALways brush my TEETH before I START on the JACK / sure, my DRINKing's out of HAND, but I'm conTROLLing my PLAQUE.

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HA