Younger bro acting like a douche.

Just wanna start off by saying I'm not joking about any of this. My brother's 19 and he's never had a job or a relationship before. He's infatuated with our first cousin who is a year younger than him but she's pretty much made it clear that she isn't for that sort of uh.. thing. I guess it's because him and her always used to hang out and were pretty much best friends when they were a bit younger then she started dating and he, well, didn't.

Oh, and she's got a year old kid. Anyway, now that's out of the way... He's always been a pretty good kid, but lately he's been progressively becoming a grade a douchebag and that's the nice way to put it. He bitched out our cousin, called her a whore and all that, and has been hanging out with my other male cousin who is my age. Now I love my other cousin like a brother, but he's a douche and not much of a role model considering he's 4 years older than my brother and still hasn't really had a job since he was 17 and sits around selling/smoking weed all day treating most people like shit.

Also they've been hitting the titty bars pretty much every night to my knowledge getting blasted off their asses. I'm all for hitting the bars and getting wasted once in a while, but shit he never drank really before this. Not only that but my dad recently had a stroke and just a week ago crushed his pelvis when some young kid accidently drove into him with a bobcat.

My brother never calls my dad unless he sends him money and even after I called him to tell him about our dad and he said he would... he didn't.

Oh and my mom broke up with my dad to bang some short biker dude whose nickname is 'Hobbit'(No, seriously) which my brother wasn't too happy about. My brother also lives with my mom a ferry ride and two hour drive away from where my dad lives and about that add an hour from where I live.


Damn, okay that seems like a lot of shit, just wanted to make sure I had... pretty much all the details. So, I'm wondering whether I should talk to my brother and call him out on being a douche(which I`m a little concerned will make what little contact I have with him disappear as it has for my dad). I've told him to find some hot chick to date, but he didn't really seem to take the advice.


That or at least get your opinions on the general situation.(Really, thinking about it after writing it all down I think his main problem is he needs to get laid, should I just put it bluntly like that..?)

I'd call him out on it but don't expect him to thank you and change immediately.

I don't have any siblings, so there may be dynamics I'm not aware of, but I do have friends who are like brothers and I could tell you what I'd do for them in this situation. You've got to go for the tough love here, point out exactly what he is doing and the negative effects it is having on him and people around him. He probably won't like this, but he has to get the facts in his head. If he can be saved then getting the facts in his head should do the trick eventually, one of those things that will gnaw at him until he can see it for himself or will hit him in a moment of epiphany.

After that you should just let things play out. I understand the love there and the feeling of obligation, but at the end of the day he is responsible for his own life and his own happiness.All you can do is your best to open his eyes, but the burden of change lies on him.

Hook up your brother and cousin

Calling him out will make him defensive and your message will be lost.

This is a good time to deploy emotional intelligence and frame the conversation in terms of you asking for his help, rather than him being a fuckup and fixing his problems. Use phrases like "I don't know where we started drifting apart, but I realized that I miss _____ and I wish we still _____" and make yourself available. Create an opportunity for him to seize, not an ultimatum to resent.