Falling off the Wagon

I always make plans,
That I never intend to keep.
Empty parking lots,
And deserted streets.
Intentions are clear,
And plain for all to see,
If I wasn't the only one who cared.
Nerves on edge, and time crawls to a stop.
Waiting for her.
My true love, my mistress,
Who steals souls, and rapes the willing,
Training my eyes to spot her a mile away.
Butterflies in my stomach,
She's the only one,
Who can make me so apathetic.
I see myself through another's eyes,
For just a second,
For just a second, I see true despair,
I'm so pathetic.
I thought we were done,
Thought I had forgotten all about her,
As she's in my arms, my soul, my mind,
Like riding a bike,
I could never forget the way she makes me feel,
Happy and sad, all in one,
She only takes a point, to tell me I'm done,
I'm the dumb ass rat, crawling back to the trap,
Terror mixed with exhilaration,
Maybe I won't be so lucky next time,
Illness finds a hole in bliss.
She makes me sick,
As I hold her in my hands,
I feel sick,
As I pull her close.
Guts and Glory in the toilet bowl,
With her on the bed screaming "Let's have another go",
I give in, weakness rears it's ugly head.
I used to love her,
Said only nice things,
Now she's nothing more,
Than a whore I can use for the night,
And forget in the morning.
Picking myself off the strangest floor,
She'd left without a word,
Ways I'd rather keep it,
Things I would never change.
Maybe next time the trap will get me,
I feel like I'm playing Russian Roulette,
With a loaded gun.
Everyone's gotten off their high horse,
But I can't seem to stay off mine.

well there are lots of strong emotions there.

I like the first 6 lines the best but after that there's like no rhythm to this.

I really wish I could type the w-h-o-r-e word(I swear if that gets changed I'll be pissed) without it getting changed here. It happens to be one of my favorite words to use.

Also, thanks for feedback, so quickly KT, always appreciated.

And, this is about drugs, more specifically, heroin, and how I feel like I'm falling off the wagon.

yeah I guessed that but people who don't know you might not 100% get that it's heroin. (not that you necessarily need to spell it out for the audience)

I wouldn't feel the need to clarify that(I mean, the title itself leads to that conclusion), but I've shown it to a few friends and they all pretty much said "Dude, you need to get over her(my ex)"