Girlfriend got drunk and made out with a guy.

So my girlfriend of going on 5 years now and I got into a fight last weekend for me drinking with some friends and being too hungover to hangout with her the next day. Douche move, I get it and I felt bad until today when she seemed not quite as upset.

She told me she was hungover from the night before. She went out and drank with her friends and some randoms, got shitfaced, drank from someone's bottle of vodka which apparently was spiked with something(so she says), and then went to get a tattoo she wanted with her friend.

She says she doesn't remember the night after getting her tattoo but the guy is a scumbag who does them, has already had sex with the friend she went with(he's also married with 3 kids), and was doing lines of oxy as he did the tattoo.

Now apparently she made out with her friend which would be okay I guess, but apparently she made out with the tattoo guy too. She woke up this morning passed out in her bed after he other friend picked her up at 4 in the morning.

Here's where my mind is boggled. She said her tattoo was originally $180, but she got it cheap for $50 cuz the guy knew her friend(because he fucked the shit out of her -- she's only 18 btw and he's 38)

Now I don't think you get $130 off a tattoo for a lil tongue, at least not in the mouth(which by itself pisses me off beyond belief). She tried to pawn it off on her not remembering like that's supposed to make it better. So what he took a tip out of your vagina? You don't know, you don't remember -- you were already wasted, apparently date raped, and have your tongue down his throat.

It's getting into a rant though, I need to know... WTF do I do? I've been with this girl for so long, she's not normally like this at all. I fucked up, sure, but if I had said, "Oh, I got shitfaced last night went to some chicks place, made out with her and... I don't remember the rest!" what the fuck would she do?

I'm so fucking pissed right now, her whore friend made number 1 on my shitlist and if I found out my girlfriend fucked some drugged out tattoo artist...

I honestly think that this is a deal breaker. You've been together this long, there is no telling what else she has done. I mean she could have been loyal all this time, but then if all of a sudden she is doing this maybe the relationship has run it's course. It sucks to hear, but it doesn't sound like she is that worried about it. She did tell you though, so it really could have been an honest mistake.

I'd talk it out with her and see if there is anything she is not telling you. Try to find it out then talk about where you think the relationship is going.

Do you think this is something you could forgive her for? I mean honestly forgive her

If she actually had sex with the guy... I don't think I could. I've been with her for so long and love her... more than anyone in my life. But fucking someone, even in a drunken stupor I don't think I could take. If she did just make out as it apparently happened it would be difficult, but I might be able to contribute it to a stupid mistake after drinking too much.

I`ve done some drunk things that I regret deeply, nothing like this, but stupid things. I think the trust thing is an issue. Could I trust her to go out with her friends again? It's not like I could really stop her. "Hey, stop going out with your friends" sounds like something stupid, even to me right now.

She is supposed to go back to the same tattoo place to get a second tattoo. Which I think is ridiculous, but I didn't talk to her about it yet. I couldn't really think after she told me, I just found it ridiculous she didn't see why. I needed time to just think and figure out what I needed to... say.

I think I'm going to talk to her tomorrow, figure out what she wants in this relationship. Tell her to go to a different damn shop and see what she says. If she wants to move on, hopefully she can tell me that. I don't want her at that fucking shop again though, regardless of it if was a makeout or whatever. Is that wrong?

Wanting her to go to another shop is not a bad thing at all. It's completely understandable. I think though that if you won't be able to trust her out with friends and shit, then you won't really be able to forgive her. If you can't truly forgive her, then the relationship will not thrive. It's not fair to either one of you to carry on if you wont be able to get over it.

This is me speaking from experience. I was cheated on ... Stayed with him for 6 months after, but in the end I just couldn't get over it. I brought it up in fights and shit and that's not fair. You either get over it and move on, or just... End it.

And see I trusted her completely and this is what she did. I feel betrayed, like she used me not being there as an excuse. I didn't think I needed to protect her, she was a strong girl. I just need her to tell me she's done if she's done.

I want to get over it, I do. But I can see myself bringing it up in fights later on as you said. So I don't know if I can actually get over it or just use it to make my point stronger in future fights. 'Oh I got drunk with some friends, but remember when you made out with that guy?" Which, sadly, is no way to live. It just hurts.

I think I'll really need to sit down and talk to her though. See what this is going to be. Maybe I'm trying to cling to something that doesn't work, I just need her to tell me she's unhappy if she is. At least I would have some closure.

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Originally Posted by WellAdjusted

Wanting her to go to another shop is not a bad thing at all. It's completely understandable. I think though that if you won't be able to trust her out with friends and shit, then you won't really be able to forgive her. If you can't truly forgive her, then the relationship will not thrive. It's not fair to either one of you to carry on if you wont be able to get over it.

This is me speaking from experience. I was cheated on ... Stayed with him for 6 months after, but in the end I just couldn't get over it. I brought it up in fights and shit and that's not fair. You either get over it and move on, or just... End it.

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This

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Originally Posted by Anonymous

And see I trusted her completely and this is what she did. I feel betrayed, like she used me not being there as an excuse. I didn't think I needed to protect her, she was a strong girl. I just need her to tell me she's done if she's done.

I want to get over it, I do. But I can see myself bringing it up in fights later on as you said. So I don't know if I can actually get over it or just use it to make my point stronger in future fights. 'Oh I got drunk with some friends, but remember when you made out with that guy?" Which, sadly, is no way to live. It just hurts.

I think I'll really need to sit down and talk to her though. See what this is going to be. Maybe I'm trying to cling to something that doesn't work, I just need her to tell me she's unhappy if she is. At least I would have some closure.

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I just got out of a 7 year relationship, found out the love of my life was cheating on me for a few months, it takes time of pain, and crying, to get over it, but after you're actually over the entire ordeal, life is 100x smoother.

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Originally Posted by Anonymous

I want to get over it, I do. But I can see myself bringing it up in fights later on as you said.

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If you decide to forgive her for it then you can't bring it back up. You have to make it like water under the bridge.

I really hate to break it to you but recently research has been conducted to show that alcohol doesn't necessarily cause promiscuity - when you give people a money incentive to control themselves whilst they are drunk then they can do it - http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-15265317 - so I don't consider alcohol to be a valid excuse.
I think when people cheat, that really should be the end of the relationship. I've been cheated on before and it is horrible - but yeah I really don't think it's possible to continue a relationship once the trust is broken unless you genuinely do feel like you have forgiven her. It's easy to say 'yeah I forgive you' but if you're going to still feel bitter and angry about it then you may as well save yourself the pain. It will feel like the worst few weeks of your life afterwards if you do break up but then one day you will wake up and realise that life is actually pretty sweet and that you've been quite a strong person to get through it.

People tend to use lengths of time to justify misdeeds in a relationship. 5 years is a long time to be with someone, but it's also a drop in the bucket in the long run of your life span.
Trust can be rebuilt in a relationship if it's lost, but it takes both partners to work on it and truly forgive. It sounds like now you're on the fence as far as forgiveness. Maybe it's due to the fact that the pain is still fresh. But look at it this way. You said she was mad because you were too hungover to hang out with her. Okay. We've all been there. It's not a prerequisite to hang out with a significant other all day every day. You were sick. Shit happens.
Now look at what you're mad at her about. Stepping out of the relationship. It's not like you missed hanging out with her because there was another girl in your bed.
People cheat because there's essentially something missing in the relationship. As far as I'm concerned, alcohol is no excuse. However, her telling you right away could mean it was a mistake. Mistakes happen. At this point, don't worry about how she is going to react when you talk things over. It's time to take care of yourself and see how you really feel about your relationship. If you don't think you can rebuild trust, then it may not be worth it to push along in a doomed relationship. If you think you can leave this incident in the past, then it's going to take a lot of work on both your parts to leave it there.
But if making out with someone else is a dealbreaker to you, I think you know what to do. Let us know how the talk went if you feel like it.

Gina has won this thread.

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Originally Posted by Anonymous

She woke up this morning passed out in her bed after he other friend picked her up at 4 in the morning.

Here's where my mind is boggled. She said her tattoo was originally $180, but she got it cheap for $50 cuz the guy knew her friend(because he fucked the shit out of her -- she's only 18 btw and he's 38)

Now I don't think you get $130 off a tattoo for a lil tongue, at least not in the mouth(which by itself pisses me off beyond belief). She tried to pawn it off on her not remembering like that's supposed to make it better. So what he took a tip out of your vagina? You don't know, you don't remember -- you were already wasted, apparently date raped, and have your tongue down his throat.

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i don't know about anyone else, but this passage gives me cause to worry...

do you honestly think she could have been drugged into a stupor and raped? because, if that's the case, there's more on the line than her honesty and fidelity to you. there may be things she's not telling you because she's afraid of certain possibilities -- afraid of what might have happened to her, and afraid of what you might do with the information (call the police? go beat the guy with a baseball bat? she probably wants neither.) if you think there's a genuine possibility that she was raped, you must, must, MUST realise that you have absolutely no idea what is going on in her mind and what she's going through.

i'm going to branch off from public opinion here and say that the issue of you forgiving her should be put on hold until the issue of her possible rape is sorted out...

and yes, it's possible i'm making a mountain out of a molehill, but jesus, if there's ever a situation in which you want to make sure you've been as careful as possible...

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Originally Posted by gwahir

i don't know about anyone else, but this passage gives me cause to worry...

do you honestly think she could have been drugged into a stupor and raped? because, if that's the case, there's more on the line than her honesty and fidelity to you. there may be things she's not telling you because she's afraid of certain possibilities -- afraid of what might have happened to her, and afraid of what you might do with the information (call the police? go beat the guy with a baseball bat? she probably wants neither.) if you think there's a genuine possibility that she was raped, you must, must, MUST realise that you have absolutely no idea what is going on in her mind and what she's going through.

i'm going to branch off from public opinion here and say that the issue of you forgiving her should be put on hold until the issue of her possible rape is sorted out...

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Yeah, that's what I saw, too. If she suspects she's been the victim of sexual assault, she needs to take the appropriate legal steps to prevent him from doing it to someone else. If that's your own worst-case fantasy, then it's probably not necessary.

Now, that said, I've spend years in relationships and I've almost certainly gotten more messed up, with more opportunities to cheat, on more girls that I've felt less for. I've found myself in questionable situations, blacked out, etc. I still know that I've never cheated one anyone, because I would never cheat on a significant other. If you don't have that level of trust in her, and if she doesn't have that level of trust in herself, then your relationship is already over. Cut the cord and move on.

Being 5 years into a relationship without children is no different than being 5 days into a relationship; it's a sunk cost. If the relationship is irreparably damaged, move on. If it can be fixed, then only you can decide if it's worth the effort; Gina is right, though, the 5 years you've spent with her is gone regardless of which way you choose. Start looking at tomorrow, not yesterday.

Only one thing for it I am afraid. A fight to the death....

User received an infraction due to unhelpful post in violation of PS rules -Rick Scarf