The worst date you ever had

This was a proto-date, before I'd ever really gone on an actual date: it was a trip to see a movie with two girls I knew from... actually I don't remember how I knew them, but I remember that we knew each other from the internet before we met in person. I still remember their MSN names better than I remember their actual names. Anyway, I spent 40 minutes on the train out to ages away, an area completely unfamiliar to sheltered little me to meet two girls I'd never seen before.

Both girls were pretty enough -- as a matter of fact, one was downright stunning, I vaguely recall, and she was the one who was obviously into me. But no, it took me less than a minute to decide I wasn't interested in either (perhaps it was because I spent the years from 13-18 twisting in the wind from unrequited/unexpressed love for certain girls I went to school with?). We saw some stupid movie, and then when they suggested bowling I knew I had no choice (because her mum was my lift back to the train station), and then when they suggested ANOTHER MOVIE back at one of their homes I had no choice again. I don't think I'd ever had so much trouble having conversation with anyone before or since. And I'm pretty sure that was an Eddie Murphy movie. Nothing about this day was catastrophic, except 2003 Eddie Murphy, but so incredibly awkward and painful for me, and I spent the next few years kicking myself that I didn't go for this Juliet girl for whatever reason.

I had never before been faced with such obvious interest from a girl. Ever. Maybe that's the reason I didn't like either of them -- I was spooked. I finally managed to get myself home and didn't stop feeling awkward about it for years. It only got so bad in my memory because it put me off dating altogether for a while, because I was so afraid of going on more dates with girls I didn't like and being awkward. And despite the occasional post-breakup temptation, and the knowledge that it'd be piss easy to say the right things to some sad, lonely girl on a dating website, I've never since been drawn to the idea of dating someone off the internet.

To make matters worse, despite ignoring them both online, one of them (the less attractive one, no less) SOMEHOW managed to get me to go on ANOTHER date with her like a year later, to Spiderman 3. It was two hours of the loudest silence I've ever endured.

Ok well to start off let me say I now realize I was kind of an asshat about this whole situation, I was young and dumb.

On the last day of school when I was in 8th grade one of the people in my class hosted a pool party, and at this party this chick I didn't even really know asked me if she could me sometime so we could go out over the summer. I didn't know her, she wasn't popular and not all that attractive so my 8th-grade genius mind told her that I don't have a telephone at home, so no, she couldn't call me. She begged and pleaded so I was like ok fine we can go steady or whatever just stop begging please.

At this point I would say "well, long story short" but this is the entire story - we "dated" for 4 months, and in that entire time we talked on the phone maybe two times, went on one "date", bowling, which was super awkward since she had nothing in common to talk about except how "swell" it was "dating" each other, and at the end of the summer I was at a gathering at a female friends house and she was like "you have the dumbest excuse for a relationship ever you moron" so she called up this girl and broke up with her for me over the phone. It was pathetic, and that bowling outing was the worst date I've been on.

We're facebook friends now though so I guess water under the bridge, but luckily she is still awkward and unattractive so I don't have to worry about kicking myself for that one.

Oh also I guess there was the date with the person who is now my wife, early in our relationship we went to a wine and cheese dinner thing and she got sick and threw up violently all over the passenger interior of my car. That date kind of sucked.

My worst date was a trip to CiCi's Pizza. If you don't know CiCi's Pizza, it's a really cheap all you can eat pizza buffet resturant that is filled with fat, poor people and their obnoxious kids. Beforehand I told the guy I wanted to go somewhere low key and by low key I meant like a local diner or something, not freaking white trash city.

So we're in line at the buffet and I notice he only has a tray, no plate. I then watch him proceed to place slices of pizza directly on his tray.

We sit down and have the most boring conversation ever.

This is what I felt like the entire date:
http://i.imgur.com/Hgbx2.png

Oh wait ignore two previous posts this one takes the cake. I had expunged this one from my memory it is so bad.

Ok so our fratnerity has a bi-annual event called Roman Orgy, where we put greek columns up in front of the house and have a big toga party. Being the big man on campus that I was, I had not one but, count-'em, THREE dates to this event. Just some crazy chicks that were friends and probably secretly bisexual but that's neither here nor there. Point is that as the evening wore on, a couple of them called it a night and took of, leaving me with the crazy alcoholic self-described nympho of the group as my remaining date for the evening's festivities (quick side story: this chick ended up going up for military security clearances later and I was called in for an in-depth interview with a uniformed military officer that lasted several hours as part of her background check).

Being the alcoholic she had a reputation for, in addition to all the beer/wine/booze we've all had in the house that evening, she thought it would be an awesome idea to slam a bottle or two of wine in the space of two or three minutes. People do crazy shit all the time at college parties so I didn't think anything of it, and soon after I was getting close to passing out and figured she had gone home since I hadn't seen her around lately, so I closed the door to my room and crashed on my futon.

There was a loud knock on my door, and one of the older wiser and respected brothers in the house said "Hey, that chick in your room earlier... she is your date tonight, right?" "Uhh... yeah?" "Well, I was trying to sleep up in the cold air dorm [a big open room with tons of bunk beds on the top floor that some people choose to sleep in] and was woken up by your chick, she was walking across cold air with her pants around her ankles, pissing everywhere, and masturbating while walking and loudly moaning 'oh my god oh my god' - she's your date, you need to go watch over her to make sure she doesn't die in her sleep or something.

So I went up and she was all but passed the fuck out, so I had to pull her pants back on her, get a makeshift sleeping area set up for her and stay up most of the night next to a puddle of piss trying to feed her water and crackers so she didn't die of alcohol poisoning. She had the nerve to come back and show her face and party again the next weekend at our place after that, even after I told her the next morning what happened.

I have so many good fraternity house stories, I really need to post them someday. The chick with scabies that walked naked into people's rooms, an ex-gf of mine that thought a good idea to try to piss me off was having anal sex with a black dude in our communal shower area, etc.

I just looked that Juliet girl up -- not stunning. Pretty, I guess, a little. But I've done way better since then.

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Originally Posted by Rick Scarf

Oh also I guess there was the date with the person who is now my wife, early in our relationship we went to a wine and cheese dinner thing and she got sick and threw up violently all over the passenger interior of my car. That date kind of sucked.

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It all worked out though, clearly.

You are a generous man.

Dunno if this is "worst date ever" but it's a pretty big fail from my perspective and a pretty good summary of the failures in my relationships. I think that if I'd been the guy in High Fidelity something like this would be the story I'd tell at the beginning to frame the others.

Was uhh 23 maybe older I forget, in college, I took a girl to the opera on a date since (a) the IU music school is awesome (b) if you're a student then for $10 you can see an opera with people who in a couple years you'll have to pay $150 to see sing in Chicago or wherever the fuck (c) I like opera so if the date is a fail then I'll still have a good time (d) everyone knows cool guys take girls to the opera on dates and that's how I'm going to stand out over all the frat guys in college. B)

So the production is amazing and in spite of saying maybe 10 words to each other all night she wants to go back to her dorm room to "get food". Sweet, it's on. We get back there and after about 10 or 15 painfully awkward minutes of sitting on her bed talking about whatever and watching her eat a clif bar I finally sack the fuck up and do something, I don't remember exactly what, but we're making out and feeling each other up and it's on like donkey kong when I realize I didn't bring any condoms because in spite of all my internal hyping I didn't really think there was any way a dorky guy like me would actually have sex with a gorgeous girl like her. And plus it was like our first or second 'date' so there's just no way right, I mean come on, you have to put in more 'work' than that because... I dunno. But I know that if I admit that to her, then the smooth persona that I had so artfully maintained (or so I told myself) - which was the whole reason she gave me the time of day anyway, obviously - would pop like a balloon and she'd LOL in my face and throw me out. So I'm paralyzed, and wind up going to sleep in her twin bed in my underwear (tighty whities except black B) with what is probably a very confused and disappointed woman.

She never returned my calls after that, obviously. I still wonder if it was because she was pissed that I wasted her whole night and didn't want to give me another shot at wasting her time or because she had similar neurotic thoughts and didn't want to face me after being 'rejected' or something.

Pretty funny to think about how many 'rejections' I might have had that were actually motivated by similar wacky stuff that someone was too embarrassed to admit.

Good thread

I can't recall any dates that have been too terrible..

The first time I had sushi was also a first date.. I had no idea what wasabi was so I took the whole green chunk of it and just popped it in my mouth (leave it alone). It was the worst 30 seconds of my life.. my eyes started watering, I started coughing.. it stuck to the roof of my mouth.. and after that it was kind of awkward but hey, that's life.

We ended up dating for four months afterwards.

This girl I'm dating took me to a Korean restaraunt that she proclaimed had great curry. We're ordering, and I'm not sure what to get. I look at the menu and order green curry because the description said spicy. I've only had curry once before because she had made it for me, and it was barely spicy. I really like spicy foods, so I told the waitress I wanted this green curry. The waitress recommended that I should have it at a medium spicy flavor. I shrugged her off and waited for my food. The meal came quick, and I started to dig in. At first, it didn't phase me that much, but after a few spoons I was sweating and my mouth was on fire. I should have stopped eating, but I thought I could handle it if I kept drinking water. By the end of the meal I felt like I was bleeding from the mouth. My date was just laughing at me because I was obviously in pain.

I wish that was the end of that, but I guess spicey curry makes for a great laxative. About twenty minutes after we left the restaraunt, I sped through the exit of a McDonald's parking lot toward a truck, parked almost hitting a van, ran into McDonald's, and spent probably a good twenty minutes emptying my bowels.

I had an awkward 8th grade relationship similar to Rick Scarf's, except I think my mom broke up with her mom for me.

I bought a package of them from this middle eastern grocery store and they were the driest, most sour ones I'd ever had. It was just gross.

The one where I went to the county fair to meat my girlfriend there, first girl I had kissed, only to find her kissing her ex-boyfriend. He was a ginger.

Would you say that the ginger ex-boyfriend then went on to "meat" your girlfriend?

I don't remember anything reallly before 9th grade.

The only thing I remember is that I once asked a girl to ask another girl if she'd go out with me. I remember the girl coming back and giving me the reply "SHE SAID YES!" almost as if it happened yesterday.


I don't even remember who the girl was that I had her ask out for me.

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Originally Posted by Atmosfear

Would you say that the ginger ex-boyfriend then went on to "meat" your girlfriend?

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Why wouldn't he? That's what I was trying to do.

I feel sad, I've never really gone on a lot of dates.
Or maybe just none that are awkward as fuck, because I'm awesome.

No, wait.

There was this girl, who I didn't like for whatever reason, in 6th/7th grade that made me her boyfriend. I went with her and her family to some kind of cook-out, and talked to this grandmother the entire time.

I remember she had a stripper name or something, Chrissy I think.

I also didn't have my first kiss til I was in 8th grade.

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Originally Posted by Vengeful Scars

I feel sad, I've never really gone on a lot of dates.
Or maybe just none that are awkward as fuck, because I'm awesome.

No, wait.

There was this girl, who I didn't like for whatever reason, in 6th/7th grade that made me her boyfriend. I went with her and her family to some kind of cook-out, and talked to this grandmother the entire time.

I remember she had a stripper name or something, Chrissy I think.

I also didn't have my first kiss til I was in 8th grade.

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did you hook up with grandma? She was probably pretty experienced. You may have missed out.
I didn't get my first kiss until I was in 10th grade.

I haven't been on a date for ages. I am loveless :( Although this mexican guy did ask me out in the library the other day. But then he saw me sitting on the floor eating sunflower seeds and weirdly enough i haven't heard from him.... but I may pursue that next term for the want of a beautiful mexican ginger baby

Q: where does a mexican ginger get deported to?

hell, probably

I once had someone ask me out by getting his friend to do it and I laughed at him. I felt bad but not really 'cause I mean come on. I went up to him and told him I was not interested.

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Originally Posted by coqauvin

Q: where does a mexican ginger get deported to?

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A: Willy Wonka's Chocolate Factory

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Rice Queen

did you hook up with grandma? She was probably pretty experienced. You may have missed out.
I didn't get my first kiss until I was in 10th grade.

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Should have, it would have knocked an item from my bucket list. Sleep with grandma.I've got a pretty extensive list.

I don't go on dates per say. I find dates really awkward.

I've gotta say, the dates that I've been on that have been purposeful and intended were just plain unenjoyable. Every action for both parties has always seemed so formulated, cliche, and unenthusiastic. It's those instances when I spend time with someone and the both of us realize, "Hey, this was kind of a date, wasn't it?" that I enjoy the most.

As for a specific instance, I guess I could single out the entire later half of my high school career. I was infatuated with a girl who clearly enjoyed my company (and I her's), but didn't want to make the relationship anything other than a close friendship with the exception of several individual weeklong periods of "going out". Hey, nothing against her at all; the term "friendzoned" is a weak fucking term used by whiney shitbags who can't accept that sometimes people just don't want to be with you.

Looking back on it, I know I definitely, at the time, didn't enjoy the dates we went on, but my not-so-high self-esteem convinced me that the dates failed because of me. Looking back on it, it was a combination of us being incompatible and her being a less than stellar character. She was a semi-manipulative, fundamentalist Christian, small town girl. Despite our mutual appreciation for each other, we shared almost no views or interests. When we'd go out to eat, we'd have nothing to talk about except how shitty her family life was. When we went to dances, she was too self-conscious to dance. When it came to anything physical, she was absolutely against it. Still, like a silly high schooler, I pined for her until the middle of my freshmen year of college. I think what snapped me out of it was she expressed her hesitance to hang out with the lowest hick trash she had met at her college and drink their toilet hooch, but did anyway. Stopped talking to her for a couple of years after that.

After feelings of forgiveness brought on by a dissociative drug trip, I reconciled with her. Everything's all friendly now, but I definitely have no feelings for her anymore. Feels good.

I recently went on my first first date.

It was great. I should go on more of them. Sadly, I never really had to... It's definitely a change I can get behind.

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Originally Posted by Trottski

I haven't been on a date for ages. I am loveless :( Although this mexican guy did ask me out in the library the other day. But then he saw me sitting on the floor eating sunflower seeds and weirdly enough i haven't heard from him.... but I may pursue that next term for the want of a beautiful mexican ginger baby

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See it would have been funny if you posted a date you and largeduck had and subtly hinted that it was largeduck

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Originally Posted by Infernus

See it would have been funny if you posted a date you and largeduck had and subtly hinted that it was largeduck

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I thought it might be too likely to induce hysteria in everyone involved

no but we didn't particularly have any bad dates + I don't want to cyber bully, he's a delicate flower