End of a relationship.

Well, my girlfriend of eleven months left me for someone else kinda recently. She was a year older than me (I'm 17 now, 16 at the start of the relationship) and so she's now at University while I'm still stuck at school - 450 miles away from her.

We were always together. I dropped everything for her and I'd have done anything for her. Without realising it I alienated myself from all my friends over the time we were together. They've been fantastic to me, supporting me and telling me she's a bitch etc. I don't know what I've done to deserve them to be perfectly honest.

My problem is that it will have been a month this time next week since we broke up. I can't take my mind off her at all. I wake up thinking about her in the morning and I go to sleep thinking about her too. That's if I sleep. And should I get a few hours, I dream about her. I woke up at 5am shaking after a dream I had about her. I've completely gone off food. I've had three meals since Monday and one of those is only because my parents practically forced it down my throat.

I know I shouldn't, but I can't stop thinking about her. And whenever she signs into an IM, I end up talking to her. She always talks about how she cares, and wishes that I didn't feel so bad. Which has me alternating between rages (e.g. "Don't say you care. If you cared you wouldn't have done it") or complete depressions (where I cry into my hands and don't talk) because she seems so genuine. I'm kinda scared because after one of the more recent ones, I walked up to some cliffs near my house with a bottle of vodka at 1am. I don't know what the fuck I was planning on doing when I got there but I turned back after a while.

I've tried deleting her number. Her IM. Got rid of her facebook. Deleted pictures I had of her. Sent away everything that reminded me of her in a box. I got it all back apart from the box.

Help me, what should I do?

I needed to add, she didn't leave me until she went away. She got together with this other guy after 5 days. Then told me another 5 days later that it wasn't going to work.

Learn from it and move on. Delete her from your IM and just don't talk to her anymore. No explanation or anything just cut her off.

Remember not to alienate friends. You don't always have to be hanging with the boys but a good mixture in a relationship is good. You shouldn't be up any girls bum.

I'll agree with Atomic. You need a break man.

I dated a swimsuit model (no joke) for about a year. She was pretty fricken awesome until she got drunk a couple times and ended up making out with other guys. She broke up with me multiple times and drove me to the fringes of a normal life, and then in the end cheated on me.

The point is, sometimes it just doesn't work out. We were young, didn't know well enough, did a lot of crazy stuff (none that I regret) and we didn't talk for 6 months or so. Now, she has a kid and a fiance and I'm the Godfather.

You just need to be able to release, wait until you get to college, there's a lot of new people to choose from, and you might even find that the girl you were dating isn't even what you REALLY wanted when you're given more choices.

N

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Originally Posted by Anonymous

Well, my girlfriend of eleven months left me for someone else kinda recently. She was a year older than me (I'm 17 now, 16 at the start of the relationship) and so she's now at University while I'm still stuck at school - 450 miles away from her.

We were always together. I dropped everything for her and I'd have done anything for her. Without realizing it I alienated myself from all my friends over the time we were together. They've been fantastic to me, supporting me and telling me she's a bitch etc. I don't know what I've done to deserve them to be perfectly honest.

My problem is that it will have been a month this time next week since we broke up. I can't take my mind off her at all. I wake up thinking about her in the morning and I go to sleep thinking about her too. That's if I sleep. And should I get a few hours, I dream about her. I woke up at 5am shaking after a dream I had about her. I've completely gone off food. I've had three meals since Monday and one of those is only because my parents practically forced it down my throat.

I know I shouldn't, but I can't stop thinking about her. And whenever she signs into an IM, I end up talking to her. She always talks about how she cares, and wishes that I didn't feel so bad. Which has me alternating between rages (e.g. "Don't say you care. If you cared you wouldn't have done it") or complete depressions (where I cry into my hands and don't talk) because she seems so genuine. I'm kinda scared because after one of the more recent ones, I walked up to some cliffs near my house with a bottle of vodka at 1am. I don't know what the fuck I was planning on doing when I got there but I turned back after a while.

I've tried deleting her number. Her IM. Got rid of her face book. Deleted pictures I had of her. Sent away everything that reminded me of her in a box. I got it all back apart from the box.

Help me, what should I do?

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This is soooo not healthy you need to talk to a counselor IMMEDIATLY!

Step 1 is to sever connections, delete her number, her IM, defriend her on facebook. You need to realize its over and she's moved on.

Step 2 is take your friends out for a great time, show them how much you appreciate them being the friends they are when they were 2nd in line after the bitch.

Step 3 is go out with your friends, and resume life. Someone new will come along and catch your eye. Relationships are great while they last, horrible when they end. Get up, brush off, and continue walking the street of life.

Dating is a hard cycle, but the more you do it, the more you realize it when you find mrs right.

OP here.

Thanks. The only other thing I'd heard about it before all this was "She's a bitch, how could she do that?" which wasn't really advice.

I'm a bit weird for needing to understand things. It's much easier, for example, for me to accept a mathematical formula if I'm shown a proof from something I know. When she first told me what had happened, she said that she still loved me. He didn't mean as much to her as I had, but she needed to take the chance. I don't think that until I see her face to face and get it all sorted out, I'll be able to sever all connections. Simply because I tried it, and all I did was open them right back up again.

I go to a private school (it's not posh, just likes to think that it is) and so I'm gonna spend more time on the boarding house. Even though I only live about a mile away. I'll be sharing a room with one of my good friends and he helped me take my mind off it last time, I've been a bit down this week because I've had a week long holiday with nothing to do and it's brought my mind back to her. So if I'm staying there during the week then I can't get on facebook or any IM client because of the school filters. If I can keep away from both of those during the week, I should be okay. Until I'm ready to finally sever the connections.

Thanks again for all the help, I just needed someone else to back up what I thought. Going back a month, it would have been her job. But obviously she's the last person I want to know about all of this.

Ok, dude, your first mistake is wanting to wait until you're "ready" to sever the connections. THIS WILL NEVER HAPPEN. Only after you sever them will you BECOME ready. Do not talk to her, seek her out, accept her communications, NOTHING. She is gone and out of your life and continuing to talk to her will only make things worse for you.

You are obsessed with this girl and the reason why you are obsessed with her is because you abandoned yourself while you were with her. I'd put money that you mainly miss the person you were with her, not that you miss HER, and that you just don't know how else to fill your time. Restart hobbies and interest you had before you met her or find new ones. Reconnect with your friends.

I also agree with see a counselor. I mean we all go through shit when we break up with someone, I was the one that ended an over 2 year relationship and *I* still hurt for a damn long time, but you are way too consumed by this, and you're seriously doing yourself harm.

Yes just cut her out of your life as efficiently as you can. You may well see her again at some point, and then you may feel a jolt of memory and nostalgia, but you'll be able to handle it far more effectively and, lo and behold, you've moved on

Well I mean I was in a familiar situation to you and it seems that everybody else has answered your questions but I just wanted to add that your next relationship will probably be a million times worse if you just learn from this one.

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Originally Posted by Oats

I just wanted to add that your next relationship will probably be a million times worse if you just learn from this one.

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OP here again.

Just wondering what you meant?

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Originally Posted by Tekk

Step 1 is to sever connections, delete her number, her IM, defriend her on facebook. You need to realize its over and she's moved on.

Step 2 is take your friends out for a great time, show them how much you appreciate them being the friends they are when they were 2nd in line after the bitch.

Step 3 is go out with your friends, and resume life. Someone new will come along and catch your eye. Relationships are great while they last, horrible when they end. Get up, brush off, and continue walking the street of life.

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As for step one, she sent me a letter. In the fucking mail. I can't escape that, it's not worth moving house over. It's hard to go through with step one when she's still getting in touch with me like that, but I can ignore it. I read the letter and I didn't feel sad, just angry. That went away pretty quickly though and I've kept busy so she's been off my mind.

Step two complete and still going strong. Step three is on the horizon with two interviews at university in the next two weeks and a party most weekends up until Christmas.

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Originally Posted by Cryptic

You are obsessed with this girl and the reason why you are obsessed with her is because you abandoned yourself while you were with her. I'd put money that you mainly miss the person you were with her, not that you miss HER, and that you just don't know how else to fill your time.

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Looking back at some of the times we had together I'm starting to realise that I was in love with her. Completely. BUT, what I'm missing is the feeling of being in love with someone. All the things I could do for her. And with her. So yeah, I liked who I was when I was with her. I'll have it again. I know it.

Spoiler

tl;dr Hi guys, OP here. I'm okay.

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Originally Posted by Anonymous

OP here again.

Just wondering what you meant?

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I was in a pretty similar situation to you when I broke up with my first long time girlfriend (14 months). I couldn't stop thinking about her, even after she went away to sleep with her ex boyfriend for a week I thought about her. But now I've realised that in our relationship we both made a lot of mistakes. When I got into my second proper relationship I had learnt from my mistakes so it was much easier and me and the girl got along a lot better.

Also one thing that I find helps is to find a song that pretty much sums up how you feel and listen to it on repeat for a while.

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Originally Posted by Oats

Also one thing that I find helps is to find a song that pretty much sums up how you feel and listen to it on repeat for a while.

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OP again.

If There's Any Justice in the World - James Blunt

It's a song by Lemar but James Blunt's cover is amazing.

You can read the letter but don't reply. Eventually they'll stop. Or you can burn before reading.

She's coming to see me in a play in December. I might write a reply telling her to fuck off and give it to her then.

Tell her to fuck off before then. This woman sounds like a real winner. She doesn't want you, but yet she doesn't want to be without you either? She doesn't get to have it both ways. She moved on - now she actually needs to MOVE on. What a headcase. No wonder you got all messed up while you were with her.

I agree with Cryptic. Tell her you don't want her at the play. You have to move on and part of that is getting her the hell away from you.

I think her coming to see you in a play is a bad idea, unless you're both actually mature enough to move past this and become platonic friends although that is quite unlikely and probably dangerous.

Not half as dangerous as listening to James Blunt though.

You need to keep a straight mentality and there is only one way to do so in this kind of situation(to me at least).
Just keep saying to yourself that all women are whores and you should come out of it pretty quick if you haven't already. And I am being serious about it, this isn't a joke post, keep that mentality and you should be fine later on. All women aren't whores btw, It will just help in the future if you keep it in your head. And then when you meet the right women, you can throw that saying away.

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Originally Posted by simonj

I think her coming to see you in a play is a bad idea, unless you're both actually mature enough to move past this and become platonic friends although that is quite unlikely and probably dangerous.

Not half as dangerous as listening to James Blunt though.

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I'm quite mature for my age. I can be ridiculously immature if the situation calls for it, but generally I'm more level headed than most people my age. I didn't really know her for that long before the sexual tension started so it's not like we'd have a huge friendship to go back to.

There are times that I think that I could cope with it easily. Then others when I get really angry and think about how I could never be around her without bringing it up. I guess I don't know what'll happen until my mind settles on one or the other.

And don't worry, I stopped listening to James Blunt. Dizzee Rascal and The Streets now. As well as the concert that The Killers did from the Royal Albert Hall this week. I torrented it, it's pretty amazing.

without hyperbole, i would say that the single most made claim by those not very mature is "i'm pretty mature for my age". it's unnecessary, and saying it actually undermines the sentiment. also, maturity's overrated. also, maturity's irrelevant.

you just need to not see her. and not wallow. and not listen to music connected to her or any of that kind of stuff. for a little while. you need to divert yourself by going out, spending time with other people. not to pick up other girls necessarily, just to remind yourself that you don't need her, if that makes sense. it's actually this simple: don't see her, and divert yourself whenever you start thinking about her.

then one day you won't think about her anymore.

and poof. you're all better.

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Originally Posted by Anonymous

And don't worry, I stopped listening to James Blunt. Dizzee Rascal and The Streets now. As well as the concert that The Killers did from the Royal Albert Hall this week. I torrented it, it's pretty amazing.

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Do you not think that Dizzee Rascal sounds like a chicken in 'fix up look sharp'? Listen to it, you'll see.

Sorry, wrong place.

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Originally Posted by gwahir

without hyperbole, i would say that the single most made claim by those not very mature is "i'm pretty mature for my age". it's unnecessary, and saying it actually undermines the sentiment. also, maturity's overrated. also, maturity's irrelevant.

you just need to not see her. and not wallow. and not listen to music connected to her or any of that kind of stuff. for a little while. you need to divert yourself by going out, spending time with other people. not to pick up other girls necessarily, just to remind yourself that you don't need her, if that makes sense. it's actually this simple: don't see her, and divert yourself whenever you start thinking about her.

then one day you won't think about her anymore.

and poof. you're all better.

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I probably wouldn't have said it if maturity hadn't been mentioned in the previous post. I get what you're saying though. Like I said, I'm keeping busy now. A 5000 word essay on "The Effectiveness of the Current Treatments of Depression" can do that. Amongst university applications and other things.

I just want to stress this. I disagree vehemently with whoever said you need to seek help. You're fine, and it's natural. Life is a chronicle of all of your romantic failures and just one romantic success.

I have experienced what you are going through, and after a much shorter relationship. I cried my share, and then I got over it. What you think right now matters so much will not matter a bit in a few years' time. You need to step back from your limited perspective and see the big picture of your life. You'll find somebody else, and whether she's a bitch, or not, won't matter.

I think I can empathize pretty well with what you're going through - if you need to talk 1on1, just PM me.