can't come with girlfriend :(

Hi, I recently got a girlfriend, and we have been having sex for about a month and a half now, and I have only been able to come about half of the time. Sometimes it is because I was just drunk, although I have come while drunk before, but it's really starting to bother me. Last night for example, she came over and we had sex, and I was going for a good 20 minutes and came a little close sometimes but didn't come. I took a little break and put on a new condom (just in case) and started up again, but after like 10 minutes, again nothing so I tried to switch positions and my erection went away and wouldn't come back. Shit like this has been happening a lot, I don't know what to do. I don't really come close to coming when she gives me a blowjob either. Any advice? I'm dying here.

By the way, I'm 20 and have been using those ultra thin condoms, doesn't seem to help much.

Same thing happened to me once. Unfortunately we broke up before I could sort it out.

Have you been with other girls?

Are you taking any meds that may be causing the problem?

What Oats asked. Are you very experienced or not?

I'm going to guess not and if that's right, your problem is likely due to nerves and masturbation. Your hand is way more stimulating - tighter, faster, etc - than a vagina so it's possible you're just used to that and are going to have to cut out wanking until you get used to cumming during sex. If you're nervous that'll do it too.

One problem could be improperly fitting condoms. If you wear ones too tight at the base they kind of act like a cockring and make it take forever for you to cum, or you go soft. I had this problem for a while until I put 2 and 2 together and tried different condoms. You might not need large size condoms but different brands fit a little differently, try a sampler and find a kind that works for you if that's what's doing it.

Also it's not too weird to not cum from a blowjob. I've only been able to like twice.

Cockrings make your penis harder for longer because it traps the blood fyi.

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Originally Posted by Cryptic

Also it's not too weird to not cum from a blowjob. I've only been able to like twice.

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Ditto, blowjobs are just to soft or something. But they still feel good.

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Originally Posted by Oats

Cockrings make your penis harder for longer because it traps the blood fyi.

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And isn't that painful? I mean it may work, but is it enjoyable?

Depends on the person, some people like it, others don't.

Makes the orgasm about a million times better when you do cum though.

But that's not what this thread is about...

One possibility that hasn't been ruled out by anything you said is that you've gotten used to a certain way of masturbation, and because you've inadvertently conditioned yourself by it, it's the only way you can reliably get off.

I'm suspecting that that is the case, since you haven't mentioned having trouble getting off while masturbating, and if you're 20 years old I'm sure you do that frequently.

For most men, one of the leading causes of trouble stems from using a "death grip" whilst canoodling the noodle. If you grip your penis too hard while masturbating, you not only can condition yourself to only respond to a lot of pressure (more than a vagina can provide), you can also damage nerve endings and decrease your penis's sensation.

The other common cause of problems has to do with porn. Some men just don't get off reliably unless they're watching porn.

If the aMy unprofessional, tentative, amateur* advice which you can either take or leave is that you should recondition yourself by changing the way you jerk off. If the "death grip" is the problem, you just need to stroke more lightly. If it doesn't cause you to get off, then tough nuggets-- you just stop. Eventually, your need to get off will get the better of you, and you'll recondition yourself to get off with a lighter touch.

If the problem is with porn, then you can find answers with Google.



*I take no responsibility for any negative outcomes that may result from this advice, but if it works I take full responsibility. 'Cause I roll like that.

There could be a lot of factors. If you are on drugs, booze, or are nervous, out of shape, or a smoke it may add to the problem.

Oddly enough, your focus could be wavering. There is a mental component to sex. If you're not thinking about what you are doing, it will take longer to come. Does your mind ever waver during sex?

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Originally Posted by Oats

Same thing happened to me once. Unfortunately we broke up before I could sort it out.

Have you been with other girls?

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Only one, but I was drunk and didn't come lol.

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Originally Posted by djwolford

Are you taking any meds that may be causing the problem?

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Nope

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Originally Posted by Cryptic

What Oats asked. Are you very experienced or not?

I'm going to guess not and if that's right, your problem is likely due to nerves and masturbation. Your hand is way more stimulating - tighter, faster, etc - than a vagina so it's possible you're just used to that and are going to have to cut out wanking until you get used to cumming during sex. If you're nervous that'll do it too.

One problem could be improperly fitting condoms. If you wear ones too tight at the base they kind of act like a cockring and make it take forever for you to cum, or you go soft. I had this problem for a while until I put 2 and 2 together and tried different condoms. You might not need large size condoms but different brands fit a little differently, try a sampler and find a kind that works for you if that's what's doing it.

Also it's not too weird to not cum from a blowjob. I've only been able to like twice.

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I'm not nervous, I know she has a great time so there's no reason for me to feel nervous about it.

It's possible that the condoms are too tight, but I don't know, I know they are supposed to be snug. And my penis isn't like huge, I'm pretty sure it's average. I don't really want to go buy a box of magnum condoms for 15$ just to find out that they are too big, but maybe I could try it....

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Originally Posted by Sir Bifford

There could be a lot of factors. If you are on drugs, booze, or are nervous, out of shape, or a smoke it may add to the problem.

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I'm not really in awesome shape, but I'm not fat or really out of shape. And I don't do drugs or smoke. I drink, but I won't be surprised if I don't come when I'm drunk, although I have before. It's just really annoying when I'm sober to not be able to come.

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Originally Posted by Pepsi

Oddly enough, your focus could be wavering. There is a mental component to sex. If you're not thinking about what you are doing, it will take longer to come. Does your mind ever waver during sex?

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That really could be it. My girlfriend is really hot but somehow I can't really get super turned on by just looking at her. I don't know, its just once I get soft after having sex for a while, I can't get hard again. If I watched porn I probably could, but I don't know if she would be cool with that haha. She feels bad though, cause she comes at least once almost every time we have sex, but I only do like half of the time.

I had the 'death grip' problem sycld talked about.

I did a combination of his advice with the tightest sexual position I could contort the chick into and eventually both parts of the solution became less necessary until I got to a good compromise of something comfortable for her and tight enough for me.

Of course, I haven't eve had sex with anyone but her, so there is no telling if I will have to sort this problem out all over again with someone new. The chick I was with was pretty loose though, having been sexually active for many years with a guy with a bigger cock than mine before we got together.

Could it be that you feel like she's just taking more than she's giving? I don't have a sexual experience regarding this but I was making out with some girl one weekend and it was getting pretty heated but then as I was feeling her up she wasn't returning the favor, I couldn't even guide her hand to do that. She was into it, but just unwilling to do anything for me. I ended up just stopping, making up some excuse and leaving.

Just a thought. I'm not suggesting you just get up and leave, but maybe consider that she's taking more than she's giving. It can leave you feeling underbenefitted, and studies show that people are always happy in an equitable relationship.

Deleted post due to someone posing as a girl on the Internet for "female perspective."

To the person responsible - you do anything like this again and you're out of PS forever.


-sole

I'm the owner of the computer the above person posted from. It really WAS a girl who isn't registered here...she posted right in front of me, and I suggested she post as anon. That way it wouldn't be under my username which wouldn't make sense because I'm obviously a guy, and if she had registered and posted from my computer under her own account how much do you want to bet someone would have been bitching about me having "multiple accounts"?

Didn't think of that did you? Geez.

Anyway basically what she had to say was she dated a guy who got himself so hung up on porn that he couldn't get it up or perform decently with a real woman anymore, and when you talked about being able to get hard again with porn she kind of thought you sounded like that and figured maybe if you just laid off the porn tried to get more turned on with your girlfirend that might help you out.

I thought it was a valuable suggestion which is why I let her use my computer in the first place.

Then get a new one, noob

penis that is

ok