Limericks

Ok, for a forum which is so anti-emo there seems to be a hell of a lot of depressive "oh I'm so lonely and my life is horrible and I hate you" poetry so I thought I'd post some less-than-serious stuff.

These are all written by me. I'm no copypasta yo. I have more somewhere, might post them if I can find them.

There was an old preacher from Malta
Attracted to boys of the altar
He'd touch and molest
But since they confessed
His clergy is now in Gibraltar

There once was a guy from Maritius
Whose sperm was bizarrely nutritious
When girls sucked his dick
It made them feel sick
Cos it certainly wasn't delicious!

Bob was a barber from Slough
Or at least he was - he's not now.
He seemed like a curse
Cos his customers
Left holding their ears saying "Ow"

The last one doesn't seem to rhyme very well. Doesn't quite flow I guess you could say.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Janglez

The last one doesn't seem to rhyme very well. Doesn't quite flow I guess you could say.

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Why must you be a hard ass on all of us poets??

There once was a girl named Grace
Who carried a can of mace
When she went out
She would shout
I'll spray this in your face

I wrote a bunch of these in junior high.

KT's was pretty good. But who is named Grace anymore?

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Janglez

The last one doesn't seem to rhyme very well. Doesn't quite flow I guess you could say.

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It rhymes perfectly in my accent. Also, Slough rhymes with cow (in case anyone didn't know).

KT's is good but doesn't flow very well either. The syllable count isn't quite what it should be.

It's not syllable count, it's beat count that matters.

3 beats
3 beats
2 beats
2 beats
3 beats


In other words, mine is perfect.

There once was a man named Jim
who raped a little girl called Kim
he held her down
and made her frown
then threw her fav teddy in the bin.

Whilst laying down getting a tan
two parents lost Maddy McCann
in the heat of the moment
she forgot what no meant
and now she's dead, raped in Japan

Mostly due to their charm and their haste
few note limerick's inherent bad taste
but revise my writing
you'll notice it's frightening
the subject on which it is based

Speaking of being quite lewd
Imagine a lactating dude,
you're shitting on his head
now raping him dead
Yeah, limericks are often way crude

This forum is full of hacks,
Who can't hold the hem of my slacks,
Suspicious rhyme,
Occurs all the time,
Sorry for stating the facts.

There once was a faggot named Jim Who loved to give a good 'rim'
I introduced him to Kal
Now they're quite good pals
And I can't quit laughing at them!

There once was a man named Rob
Who liked to eat corn on the cob
got punched by a bloke
and started to choke
and thats why his widow still sobs

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Think

Whilst laying down getting a tan
two parents lost Maddy McCann
in the heat of the moment
she forgot what no meant
and now she's dead, raped in Japan

Mostly due to their charm and their haste
few note limerick's inherent bad taste
but revise my writing
you'll notice it's frightening
the subject on which it is based

Speaking of being quite lewd
Imagine a lactating dude,
you're shitting on his head
now raping him dead
Yeah, limericks are often way crude

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there once was a poaster called think
who was teetering right on the brink
of being too sick
and appearing thick
by letting his standards sink

There once was a man from nantucket

There once was a girl called Maddy,
who didn't have a responsible daddy,
she was snatched from her bed,
now she's probably dead,
raped by a Portuguese baddy.