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So this girl I like has trust issues because her last boyfriend cheated on her more times then I can count. She hasn't had a boyfriend since. I think they have been broken up for like 5 months or so. Give or take a few months. So I told her I liked her but she said she doesn't know if she can trust any one or want a boyfriend.
I need some help on what to say to convince her I'm not like that and to help her get over her last relationship and not be scared to "love" again..
Thanks.
You might want to stay away from her. She's going to have issues that will make your life hell for years to come.
If she's said to you she "doesn't know" if she's ready for a new boyfriend then she's not.
She knows you're an option now and if she wants to hook she'll come to you.
Yeah, that was her way of telling you that she really isn't into you yet; actions speak louder than words though so try to hook up with her and things will probably start go your way.
You can't "make" her trust again. That's something she has to do herself. Move on and find a girl that's not screwed up in the head and still having issues about her last relationship. She obviously isn't ready to move on yet.
Thanks guys. I am going to brunch with her today and I'm going to try and talk about all this shit.
Much of the replies in here are retarded (Mostly Cryptic and Bifford's)
Anyways, I have been through almost the same thing. My current girlfriend went through the same shit (except I didn't "ask" her out, it just happened, but she warned me that she has some trust issues).
YES, a girl with trust issues WILL GIVE YOU A HARD TIME AT FIRST. It's up to YOU to determine if she is worth that. Eventually she will learn to trust you, time heals all wounds. My girlfriend went from not trusting me at all to trusting me a great deal over the past year, she still gets a little paranoid about other girl's sometimes but it's understandable...things improve continuously.
What you have to do is decide for yourself if you want to undertake this. The only thing is that if you DO make something out of it, the burden of her trust issues lie on you. That means if you fuck her over, you could potentially destroy her trust for any guy completely. You have to be willing to undertake this, but it CAN be worth it if you really feel for her.
My best advice is to think it over and don't rush things. Just hang out a lot, date, and then make a judgment after you really get to know her, don't jump the gun on people who have trust issues because it can become very stressful at times, you really have to be willing to work on the relationship. It basically comes down to this: If you want an easy-mode relationship (which probably don't exist anyways) then don't do it, if you are willing to work for someone you care about then go for it. Your best bet is to not talk to her about a relationship, just be there and spend time with her and if you play your cards right she will fall right into your hands.
Except not, Kozzle.
Someone with "trust issues" will make up reasons not to trust the OP. He calls 5 minutes late? It's because he's with another girl. His phone is turned off? He doesn't want to talk to her (and is probably with another girl). He makes a new recipe for her for dinner? He learned it from another girl. People messed up about trust, whether or not they have a reason to be, are just MESSED UP until they heal from it and deal with it.
It's not up to him to win her trust...it's up to her to be open to give it. Only THEN does he have a chance at her trusting him.
In the future as well, I'd appreciate if you didn't call my advice or anyone else's "retarded". Just because you don't agree with it doesn't mean that it doesn't have merit. It's rude and pretentious to dismiss it just because you have a different opinion and different experiences and makes you look like an immature know-it-all, thus not giving your advice any credibility. If you can't express an opinion without running down other, what is your opinion really worth?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kozzle
Are you saying I hang out with her as friends and maybe she will eventually start to like me? That idea sounds kinda of good but what if she never starts to like me and I just end up being stuck in the friend-zone?
I'm with Crypic. She'll take anything you say with a massive grain of salt and basically make your life miserable.
I used to date a girl with trust issues, for example, and when i would hug her id put my hands in her back pockets. She would then slap my hands, move like $2 to her front pocket, and then go back to cuddling. I was like, umm I buy you dinner and movies pretty much every week, and some bitchin xmas and birthday presents, do you really think that I'm going to steal $2 from you?
You'll have your phone gone through constantly, so don't expect to ever text another girl because that immediately means you're fucking her on the side. Facebook wall posts? Game over. Dead phone battery? Congrats, you're probably single again by the third ring.
Kozzle is right, you'll eventually get some trust but it takes a lot of effort for people to truly change, and you have to decide if it's worth the effort. Your best bet is to be as open as possible. If a girl texts you, let her read it and watch you reply. You basically have to let her invade your privacy in order to build some sort of a foundation. it won't be enjoyable, but if you think she's worth it, then best of luck to you.
For the record, I've never understood the concept of friends-zone before. My current GF and I were friends before we started dating, as were my last GF and I. Although I was only friends with my current for about 3-4 months. But my last GF and I were friends since my Junior year of high-school, and we're still friends, despite the break-up.
Why does there have to be a friends zone? You keep enough contact for her not to forget you but not enough for her to truly place you into a friends zone.Quote:
Originally Posted by Janglez
The whole situation is whether you think she is worth the effort of helping her build up the trust or not.