Sexuality and Trust

I'm bisexual I guess.
I've done it with girls, done it with guys and I find both attractive, so yeah, I guess I'm a bisexual male.
Before an hour ago, two people apart from myself knew I wasn't straight and they were the two guys that I had been with.
I told a friend of mine that I was "bicurious" too, just to test to water, just to see if I could trust her and I guess I do.

However, now I'm a little worried, I've just been talking to a guy that lives just around the corner from me. We don't know each other but we have a few friends in common. We met anonymously on the internet just talking about our sexuality when we discovered we were living so close.

And so... we showed our faces on webcam. We gave out our real names.
We know who we are.

He said he's be devastated if I told anyone about him because nobody knows he's bi and I would be crushed too if I came out before I was ready.
But I just have this nagging feeling.... I've told a stranger I'm bi! I've put all my trust into someone that doesn't know me but who has the ability to fuck up my life.

But will he? I don't know.

Maybe I've just gained a friend that I can talk to about this kind of stuff.
Perhaps I should spill the entire truth to the understanding friend....

I just needed to get this all off my chest....

What do you people think about all of this?

I think you need to stop thinking so much about what other people think or you will never be happy with yourself.

Why are you so worried in the first place? I personally would (and have) tell my friends about it. If they have a problem then it's their issue, not mine.

Honestly, if he can tell people you're bi, I think he'll remember that you can tell people.

Sounds to me like you will both have security in your "secret".

Perhaps you should just let your friends know. You are who you are, and if anybody has a problem with it, they can kiss your ass.

The harshest criticism you'll get (if you get it) will be from your parents, I'm fairly certain any family member closer to your age will not care, most younger people are more open minded and are used to homosexual people being a part of society.
Take your time, but I think you should keep your friends in the know, I mean, they are friends after all.

That all sounds well and good, but I'm just not ready to come out.
Maybe some day, but not yet.

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Originally Posted by Anonymous

That all sounds well and good, but I'm just not ready to come out.
Maybe some day, but not yet.

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Well when the day comes, your friends are going to be your biggest source of support when it comes to dealing with the family. There isn't really much "coming out" in your case, you're bisexual. I think people can accept that way more than they can seeing someone just be flat out homosexual.

I'm bi too. When people find out, even if it's not by your choice, it doesn't "fuck up your life". Yeah some things might change but it's far from fucking your life up. Seriously just chill. If someone wants to hate you for being bi, they weren't much of a friend from the start.

The OP mistakenly posted without hitting "Make Post Anonmyously". I've made his post again for him here. -sole

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Originally Posted by Kal El

Well when the day comes, your friends are going to be your biggest source of support when it comes to dealing with the family. There isn't really much "coming out" in your case, you're bisexual. I think people can accept that way more than they can seeing someone just be flat out homosexual.

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I don't even know if that day will come.
I see myself many years from now with a family and children.
In fact, I don't like being bisexual.
I'd rather be straight.
But alas that cannot be.


You're speaking from your own perspective, but to be honest, I think that my close family wouldn't have a problem with me being bi. It's my extended family and extended friends that would.

The thing is, I like the way my life is right now If i cut down smoking a bit, started studying more for college and started getting more money, I'd be extremely happy. But right now I'm content with my life.
I don't need a big revelation to fuck that up just yet.

I think I may be okay with revealing this gay thing just now....
I just don't know... I'm not ready to reveal my secret to the world

Coming out is a big decision and it's yours to make. When you're ready, you'll know. Don't let anyone rush you, but know that if your secret makes it out without your consent, you're going to be in an uncomfortable situation. Counseling is one option I'd recommend in that scenario - in fact, I'd even recommend it now.

Take care and stay strong. There is nothing wrong with the way you are.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Anonymous

The OP mistakenly posted without hitting "Make Post Anonmyously". I've made his post again for him here. -sole


You're speaking from your own perspective, but to be honest, I think that my close family wouldn't have a problem with me being bi. It's my extended family and extended friends that would.

The thing is, I like the way my life is right now If i cut down smoking a bit, started studying more for college and started getting more money, I'd be extremely happy. But right now I'm content with my life.
I don't need a big revelation to fuck that up just yet.

I think I may be okay with revealing this gay thing just now....
I just don't know... I'm not ready to reveal my secret to the world

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Well if you aren't worried about it, then why make yourself worry about such an issue? Just bury it, continue on with your studies, you are who you are, and your life is your own to decide which path it will take.

I will just say this, I have a ton of gay/bi friends and they are always happy or in a good mood. There's nothing about their "secret" that fucked up their lives. Yes they did have some rough spots, but over all, they are happier being who they are than trying to hush up everything they do or who they do for that matter.

In the end, it's your choice. Take your time, and do what you have to do. Only you can be your own judge and what anybody else says doesn't matter.

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Originally Posted by Anonymous

[h]I see myself many years from now with a family and children.

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Why can't you have a family and kids if you're bi? I have a girlfriend right now (I'm more attracted to women than men) so why couldn't we get married and have children? The priest or judge or shaman or whoever marries us isn't going to say "I'm sorry, I can't marry you because he's bisexual".

Even if you end up in a relationship with a man, gay marriage hopefully isn't too far from being legal or at least accessible, and you can always adopt.

And like Sole said, coming out is YOUR decision. My close friends and father know I'm bi. That's it. I mean other people might know, they just don't say anything. But those are the people that *I* told. My extended family and less close friends don't need to know. It's your choice who you tell what to. Just because it has to do with sexual orientation doesn't mean it's an all or nothing proposal.

Thanks very much everyone for the advce and thanks Sole for making that post anon.

I've decided that I'm not going to worry at all about the current revelation to my neighbour as we're going through the same thing, and the worst thing that can happen is a rumour is spread that I can deny for a while.

I'm considering telling the friend of mine that I trust. She's already had two of our friends tell her that they were gay and she held that secret very good, so if there is someone I'll tell - whether its tomorrow, next week or next year it will be her.

Right now I'm going to focus on my studying though, so thanks once again everyone for your advice. :)