Can't stay hard

So, I've recently noticed this very annoying problem. When I'm supposed to have sex, my little buddy doesn't want to co-operate. Let me tell you about my current situation:

I'm soon 18. I've been having sex for two years now. I've always had to use condoms, but my new (~1 month) girlfriend is on the pill, so we can go without any rubbers. She's the hottest and most experienced girl i've had so far. She's seriously so hot that i get hard sometimes when i even look at her, and almost always when we kiss (with clothes on).

Everything down there goes fine 'till I'm supposed to stick it in her, that's when my penis goes soft like a freaking pudding. And there is absolutely no way to get it hard again in a while. But if we manage to get it in her before it's too late my thing will function properly. How it usually goes is she gives me some head (this is when I still am hard as hell) and right after that we try to start having "real" sex ("try" because during this time my penis goes asleep). I think it's worth mentioning I have noticed something like this with my previous girls too but it has caused no problems. My mind tends to start wandering around and I can't fully focus on the moment, how can I get rid of that? Now I've also started panicing of will it stay hard or not.

My girlfriend reacts very well in my opinion, if we can't do it she says "let's sleep a while and try again", which always works. She's had more partners and more sex than I have, but this problem down there doesn't seem to bother her as much as it does me. We are not together for sex anyway.

I'm physically okay, I work out and get lots of fresh air everyday, I eat salad and meat and really not much candy or fattyfood or any trashfood. I sometimes have to take anti-histamine for my allergies (cat/dog, my new girl has both), but they aren't supposed to cause anything like this, or at least haven't during those 2 years before. And about porn and masturbation, I used to do that a lot before this girlfriend, but haven't felt the need after I got this hotty :)

Anyone got any ideas how to improve my performance? :\ I find this really annoying. And I haven't had my testosterone levels checked but I seem pretty normal judging from other things. Oh and viagra and erection rings are out of the question now..

Most of the time when things like that happen it is because of nerves. Is it possible that you are a little more nervous around her when you are about to have sex because she is so hot and more experienced?

I'm sure it is just nerves and will pass with time.

Just curious, why are erection rings out of the question? Viagra is only for people who have difficulty getting an erection and not for people your age anyways so I understand why you would say no to that.

OP here.

Yes I might be more nervous, because it feels like she's the "boss" there even when I take the lead or make the first move.. Like I have to be super good to pleasure her, gives me some pressure...

If I was having a speech I'd just picture my audience naked but here it really doesn't help because she already is naked, so any other tips or tricks? :)

Oh and about that erection ring, it just feels awkward :D I should be able to get there naturally :S

Do you work out on the days you have this problem? I know that the days I hit the gym really hard makes my dick go limp because blood is pumping to my muscles and not my penis. Just a thought.

Well last time this happened saturday morning and i worked out on friday evening.. But usually no, not during the same day.. That's a thing to pay attention tho :)

Does your mind ever wander from sexual thoughts during intercourse? Mere physical touch isn't enough to keep a man aroused for the most part. If you're not in it mentally, you can lose your erection quickly. (This mental prowess is also partially why some men can come on cue.)

Just try to keep your mind in it. Keep thinking about her pussy, ass, tits, etc. Think of how good it feels. That kind of thing.

Bunch of movies and song lyrics just burst into my mind when something erotic is gonna happen :S
This exactly is weird because she looks so nice I could think about her all day long.. So you think that and the excitement are the main reasons? I've been thinking of low testosterone levels and other rare and unlucky evil stuff :\

OP

I doubt it's anything chemical based...just mental. ;)

It's just your mind wandering and your anxiousness.

Just make a conscious effort to stay in the moment and be calm(in the nervous sense...not the vicious sex sense:D) and you should do just fine.

Also, don't worry so much about losing your erection. She's already told you it's alright, and you can try again later. If a girl's like that to you for going flaccid, consider yourself a blessed man.

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Originally Posted by Pepsi

If a girl's like that to you for going flaccid, consider yourself a blessed man.

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Haha :D Guess I should. But how long will she take it if this keeps happening..Better get it fixed :)

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Originally Posted by Anonymous

Haha :D Guess I should. But how long will she take it if this keeps happening..Better get it fixed :)

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Well she sounds awesome, so if I were you I'd try to keep her at all costs. :)

Also, question...when you guys have sex, is it in a romantic setting or just a regular bedroom? A lot of the time the mood of the immediate area will affect your level of arousal.

She is awesome :D

It's always been in my room or her room or our friends' rooms. Same thing happened everywhere :\

Oh and this I forgot, if we manage to do it in the evening, it's always easy in the morning too.

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Originally Posted by Anonymous

She is awesome :D

It's always been in my room or her room or our friends' rooms. Same thing happened everywhere :\

Oh and this I forgot, if we manage to do it in the evening, it's always easy in the morning too.

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Try to maybe use some candles with a scent that you could die for(and that your girlfriend can stand). Some of my friends have done this and it's apparently awesome.


Also, a funny option is to use strobe lights. That won't make you aroused, but it's probably funny as hell.

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Originally Posted by Pepsi

Also, a funny option is to use strobe lights. That won't make you aroused, but it's probably funny as hell.

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Genious :D
I could try something like that. But the thought of failing after setting all the candles and scents makes me scared..

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Originally Posted by Anonymous

Genious :D
I could try something like that. But the thought of failing after setting all the candles and scents makes me scared..

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Well, it's more for your benefit. Talk to your girlfriend about it. If you keep your mind focused on the intimacy between you and your girlfriend, there's a chance you'll be aroused further because you'll subconsciously recognize that scent you love...and it might help.

N.B.: It MIGHT help. I just know a couple of friends that swear buy it.

I can imagine it giving a more erotic feeling yea :)

Maybe I'd have some other symptons if this was something serious like low testosterone level etc.?

You're nearly eighteen. Unless you entered puberty within the six months, I doubt it's hormonal at all.

You're a bit too worried about that. :)

Have you ever had problems getting hard for masturbation? Do you wake up with morning wood and/or get hard in your sleep? If you can jerk it just fine, and you're getting wood when you're asleep, it's probably not hormonal. Also, you DO have a sex drive and you can get an erection, so it's probably not your hormones.

It sounds like a major case of performance anxiety to me. In the past when you've had this problem, and when you have it now, are you somewhere private? If you're worried about getting walked in on, or you know other people are in another room and can hear you, that's a real erection killer for me and lots of other guys.

lol @ hormone levels etc. being the problem.

So you say that after sleeping for a bit and trying again it works out?

I can't say what's going on definitively; I'm no doctor or specialist. But it wouldn't surprise me if it were purely a psychological problem. If it is I can't give you any advice, but I wouldn't jump to conclusions that you have some physiological problem if I were you. It sounds like everything is functioning properly down there.

I think that Hollywood and porn have given us harmfully incorrect depictions of what sex should be like for most normal men. It isn't as automatic as they make it out to be. In fact, male pornstars are those few and far between freaks that can keep it up no matter what. Normal men aren't like that.

Do you think you could communicate to your partner how you feel about this? As you said, it doesn't bother her, but if it bothers you you should either simply live with it the way it is IF you can find sex to be able to be fulfilling for you OR you should explore doing things differently if you think it will help.

EDIT: I see that a lot if not all of my advice had already been dispensed, but just to... uh... reinforce it... :shifty:

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Originally Posted by Cryptic

Have you ever had problems getting hard for masturbation? Do you wake up with morning wood and/or get hard in your sleep? If you can jerk it just fine, and you're getting wood when you're asleep, it's probably not hormonal. Also, you DO have a sex drive and you can get an erection, so it's probably not your hormones.

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No problems getting hard for masturbation and it's always up in the morning and libido is there. And to your other question, we are yet to find a completely private time so I guess that adds some evil-voodoo-erection-killer-magic too..

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Originally Posted by sycld

Do you think you could communicate to your partner how you feel about this? As you said, it doesn't bother her, but if it bothers you you should either simply live with it the way it is IF you can find sex to be able to be fulfilling for you OR you should explore doing things differently if you think it will help.

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Yes I've told her that I can't see why it isn't working and that it bothers me. And she reacts well, but I still stress a lot about it.

Thanks for convincing me it's not the hormones :) I just gotta get over my performance anxiety then, and he has already been some tips for that too :)

Well, also, I meant to suggest that maybe you could discuss about how you can do things differently so that sexy time isn't so stressful for you. Consider experimenting a little bit-- nothing drastic, just things like changing positions, different kinds of foreplay, having sex with me while she watches and masturbates, and the like.

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Originally Posted by sycld

having sex with me while she watches and masturbates,

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THIS!
It's true that the foreplay has become a routine, me first going down to her and then she does it to me. Only rarely she goes first. New ideas welcome!

I thought about the erection ring thing and what it does is pack blood in the penis? Could it be possible for a minute or two to stimulate this with a hand to keep it hard 'till we get it in?

Do you have high blood pressure or smoke cigarettes? That could be it.

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Originally Posted by Anonymous

THIS!
It's true that the foreplay has become a routine, me first going down to her and then she does it to me. Only rarely she goes first. New ideas welcome!

I thought about the erection ring thing and what it does is pack blood in the penis? Could it be possible for a minute or two to stimulate this with a hand to keep it hard 'till we get it in?

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Vibrating cock ring buddy. No need to use ya hands, also it should vibrate on her clit once you are in and help her get off too.

God you're not even 18 and already you're having boring sex? We're young, dumb, and full of cum, remember? How can it be boring already?

Maybe you're just shy and/or inexperienced but seriously GET OVER IT! :) You don't even have to do anything extra freaky to mix it up a little. Try changing the mood; if you're normally gentle and romantic, try being a little forceful. Most women like that even if they don't like outright rough sex (although if she's into what you do, ask her if she'd like to try it a little rough, by all means). Just grab a handful of her hair while kissing her - you don't even have to do it hard. Give her a playful slap on her butt while she's undressing. Just do something that she's NOT expecting. Show her a different side of you. I speak from experience when I say that's a HUGE turn on for guys and girls. One night my kind of conservative ex showed up at my house with stockings and garter under her clothes and holy shit!

If you don't know if she's up for toys, start small. Buy one of those Trojan vibrating ring jobbers. It'll probably help you, and it's less like a "sex toy" if you got it at Walgreens. Just little stuff like that to spice it up a bit.

The body gets used to too much of anything. You can't smell your cologne anymore if you wear the same stuff all the time so you dump on a fuckton. Love sushi? Have it every night. You won't want it for 3 months, I promise. Ever wonder why that new car is only super cool for a couple months, tops? Sex is no different. If you're not interested, no way is your dick going to be interested.

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Originally Posted by Drunkmike

Do you have high blood pressure or smoke cigarettes? That could be it.

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Nope, and I'm healthy otherwise too :)

Nice stuff there Cryptic :) It's not that I'm bored but maybe over-excited! I'll think about your advice more 'cause that sounds like something that could make me stress less about it too :)

And umm Jojo I mean, what does a cockring really do and can I do the same thing with my hands only?

I don't know what to say, man.

Just keep your chin up. That's all you can do.

We did it last night and it was pretty weird. I was half-flaccid when we got it in and stayed that way all the time she was riding me. I only managed to get a full erection in the missionary :O

OP

Well, you were halfway there...then you found your right post. :D

Try something different.

Quite different.