When she doesn't want sex..

How do you turn her on?

It feels pretty awkward. We are only able to sleep together once a week and I ofcourse would like to use some of that time for having sex. Last night I just couldn't get her into the mood. I tried kissing her to where she likes and gently touching her and doing all the erotic stuff but no, she only kissed back a few times and that's it, or pulled her legs away if I was trying to go down. And I tried these mroe than once.

I know it's normal that you don't do it everytime but how do you handle situations like this? We aren't shy or anything and are comfortable with each other and all that..

The absolute best thing you can do is stop creating any pressure or expectation of sex.

And yes this means you have to accept that you may not be going to have sex, but as long as you are giving her the kind of pressure you are, she is going to feel like you desperate for it - which means she pretty much just can't get turned on or aroused (that's just the way a woman's sex drive works).

Doesn't mean don't be affectionate or do things that can turn her on, but try stuff like don't kiss her or be affectionate at all for an unusually long length of time, an give her a kiss her on the neck just out of the blue, then immediately get up to make a cup of coffee (or whatever). In other words, show her that you don't expect anything in return - take the pressure away.

Given your track record, it may take a few efforts before she really accepts that there is no real pressure, but actually BE cool with not having sex and the demonstrate it - the chance she get in the mood will turn from the virtual zero it is right now to almost certain.

Hmm yes that makes sense, I've heard never show your desperation and I tried to avoid that, not that I would even be really desperate but you know :P

Thanks for the fast answer btw, and I'll remember that trick!

MrShrike really gave some good advice. It's always helpful to remember that a girl can't just flip a switch and boom, she wants sex. It takes a little more finessing. But if she's really not in the mood for it, it's most likely not gonna happen.

I'll echo the others. If she doesn't want it, she doesn't want it, and if she thinks she HAS to do it every time you're together, she'll want it, and you, less. I know it sucks to not get it when you don't have many chances in the first place, but that's life.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Anonymous

Hmm yes that makes sense, I've heard never show your desperation and I tried to avoid that, not that I would even be really desperate but you know :P

---

This is wrong. You don't want to avoid showing your desperation. You want to actually not be desperate in the first place.

Really, this is important. If you give her space as a technique to get her to have sex with you, you aren't doing it right. You have to really get into a mental space where though you find her attractive, even irresistibly so (and you've communicated this to her fearlessly), it's not a big deal to you whether she has sex with you or not in any particular instance. If she pulls away, you don't work harder to turn her on. You pull away more. The law is this: For every step you take toward me, I will take two steps toward you, and for every step you take away from me, I will take two steps away from you. That's not any kind of technique; it's acting out of your integrity to respect her boundaries and communicating through actions that you don't want her to do anything she's uncomfortable with.