Is it just me or are Wheat Thins fucking addicting...
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JUST LOOK AT IT MOCKING YOU. WAITING FOR YOU TO OPEN BOTH OF ITS LAYERS.
The epitome of ultimate snack food. I think my love for them started back in the Spring of '01 when I had my first sexual experience with a tranny. After I finished with shim, hir offered me a cigarette but when I said no hir offered wheat thins instead. I obliged and when the first piece of salt touched my lips I became addicted. It started as a simple obsession, but it became much more. It became something more than I could possibly imagine.
It only took 1 day of withdrawls from Wheat Thins and I was already suckin' dick behind the Circle K for crumbs. Something was better than nothing and I could take whatever I could get. It wasn't long before I started selling my textbooks and stealing from my roommates inorder to get a pinch... of that sweet wheaty salt. I was downing boxes by the hour. I was so strung out on days that I had to have the lining to a box with me at all times so that I could lick it. Doctors told me I needed to lay off the Thins. I knew I had to, but when you have an addiction you can't help yourself.
After 3 years I was on the street and in a bad place. I was embalming myself, my skin was dry and my heart was failing. Snorting salt was getting my no where. I had to get help so I did.
When I entered rehab I was slowly coming off the Whiskey Tangos. I was getting into the dating scene again and had re-enrolled into school. Until they released the Tomato Basil blend. Everything spiraled out of control and my world was crashing down on me. The delicate foundations of confidence that I had built was crumbling beneath me and all over again I was shit was rotten.
Flashforward 4 years and here I am. Still recovering and my doctors tell me I am going to have a mycardial infarction at any time.
I write this as a warning. Lay off the WTs, don't become me. Piss yourself at least once in your life, it will be worth it, vote republican and if given the chance, go ass to mouth.
Stop the Wheat Thin pandemic...and stop children like these from becoming addicts.
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