A poem about my dream

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09-30-2008, 01:12 PM
jared

A poem about my dream

I don't really expect anyone to read a poem here, but I figured I'd post it just in case. It has to do with a dream I had last night.

The mouse runs and leaps through dirt
Soot and ash and never gets hurt
I watch waiting for it to stop
To succumb to pain and sit and rot
Dodging through fire it proves me wrong
For now it is fearless but not for long
It’s showing signs that its end may be near
When it stops the playing that I held so dear

I stumble back startled by its lack of life
And trip on a root to begin my flight
I’m now the mouse leaping through the dirt
And like him too I’ll never get hurt
Upon my landing I sit at the edge
Of forest and cement and my newest pledge
His teeth mean business but he does not
Before I can fear he is off with a trot

Now coming from a long distance I see
A doe and a deer headed straight for me
I sit back and watch so they can pass
And I can finally enjoy nature at last
When they’ve come and gone I leave my seat
To go to the path and return to my feet
On the path though I’m met with another beast
This time one clearly larger than me

The doe had a father its name was buck
And on his antlers I saw the end of my luck
Before it could get me though I got a tree
And climbed as fast as my body allowed me
It must have enjoyed my escape attempt
Because it jeered and stomped and off it went
Now safe I made my way back down
To survey the area and look around

What worried me now was my fantastic story
And whether or not you’d think it a priori
09-30-2008, 01:15 PM
Absolution

Too Long.

So I did not read.
09-30-2008, 01:36 PM
Nick2.1

I simply looked in this thread to see how many people didn't read it with me.

1 so far.
09-30-2008, 01:48 PM
sycld

Oh GOD Internet poetry is the GREATEST.

Seriously-- never rhyme two words EVER A-FUCKING-GAIN.
09-30-2008, 02:05 PM
jared

Quote:

Originally Posted by sycld

Oh GOD Internet poetry is the GREATEST.

Seriously-- never rhyme two words EVER A-FUCKING-GAIN.

I'm avant garde because I don't follow conventions and claim that standard rhyming is dead
09-30-2008, 02:09 PM
sycld

No... that's not my point.

My point is that the poem is bad.
09-30-2008, 02:15 PM
jared

Quote:

Originally Posted by sycld

No... that's not my point.

My point is that the poem is bad.

This is the part where I'm supposed to go, "yeah I just posted it for the hell of it, I didn't say that it was good or anything," and then the internet as a whole goes, "haha yeah right why did you post it then."

I'm an award winning poet why else would poetry.com be sending me emails telling me I won the competition and that I just have to pay $100 to buy the book with my poem featured in it?

Also if anyone has TOGS (was it togs?) poem about the girl hes in love with this would be an appropriate time to post it
09-30-2008, 02:24 PM
sycld

No, no, wait, you don't understand...

Your poem is so bad that if I had written it I would have destroyed it and not posted it on teh internets.

Also, your internet forum-style "look at me I'm going to play this down by being self-conscious I'm so cool" doesn't make it any better.

So yeah... just stop.

And it was Tidus that posted that poem. TOGS wouldn't make anything that retarded.
09-30-2008, 02:30 PM
jared

I think you're taking this whole posting a poem on the internet thing a little too serious
09-30-2008, 02:41 PM
TheOriginalGrumpySpy

It's evident you rhymed for the sake of rhyming. Especially to take the AA BB approach.

If I may opine, poetry, to me, is more than word on a page; it's about meter.

Also thank you sycld for trusting I could do better than A Fight of Heart
09-30-2008, 02:46 PM
jared

Quote:

Originally Posted by TheOriginalGrumpySpy

It's evident you rhymed for the sake of rhyming. Especially to take the AA BB approach.

If I may opine, poetry, to me, is more than word on a page; it's about meter.

Also thank you sycld for trusting I could do better than A Fight of Heart

Didn't mean to pin you like that but I'm not as familiar with people here as I once was
09-30-2008, 03:18 PM
sycld

Quote:

Originally Posted by TheOriginalGrumpySpy

If I may opine, poetry, to me, is more than word on a page; it's about meter.

If the Internet has taught me anything (including the OP's poem as an example), it's that poetry is "a series of couplets written with a 5th grade vocabulary."

Alexander Pope would have responded to the OP's poem with this parody critiquing predictable couplet rhyming schemes:

Quote:

Originally Posted by Teh Pope lolnoAlexander

Where-e'er you find "the cooling western breeze,"
In the next line, it "whispers through the trees;"
If crystal streams "with pleasing murmurs creep,"
The readers threatened (not in vain) with "sleep."

PS WHAI WUZ TEH MUSE'S PLAYING SO DEAR
09-30-2008, 04:00 PM
solecistic

lol
09-30-2008, 04:13 PM
TheOriginalGrumpySpy

Rarely do I see anything beyond 2-syllable words.
09-30-2008, 04:20 PM
sycld

Quote:

Originally Posted by TheOriginalGrumpySpy

Rarely do I see anything beyond 2-syllable words.

Sorry, you're right.

I meant a 3rd grade vocabulary.

In fact, there are only two words with more than two syllables in the entire poem, "fantastic" and "a priori," both of which are in the last stanza.
09-30-2008, 09:47 PM
jared

hey good job guys
09-30-2008, 09:58 PM
mutton

what do you mean think it a priori

on a side note a math prof keeps using 'a priori' in philosophically incorrect contexts and you know how people think all math is a priori
09-30-2008, 10:03 PM
jared

Quote:

Originally Posted by mutton

what do you mean think it a priori

on a side note a math prof keeps using 'a priori' in philosophically incorrect contexts and you know how people think all math is a priori

In the context I meant that they would think it was all from my mind, or made up. In the dream I tried to tell people the story and no one believed me that it actually happened.

All math is a priori if you live forever and are a genius to begin with. What contexts?
09-30-2008, 10:51 PM
Malicious Intent

this is what my english teacher would call dogrel.
09-30-2008, 10:54 PM
mutton

knowable from reason alone
10-01-2008, 12:12 AM
sycld

Quote:

Originally Posted by Malicious Intent

this is what my english teacher would call dogrel.

please.

at least most doggerel is funny or tries to be.
10-01-2008, 12:29 AM
jared

should I add more flare?
10-01-2008, 01:37 AM
TheOriginalGrumpySpy

What have we learned from this thread?
10-01-2008, 02:08 AM
Infernus

so deep
10-01-2008, 04:54 AM
HopeYouDie

we have learned that dreaming about squirrels is hazerdous 2 our writing skills...
10-01-2008, 10:50 AM
simonj

You write poetry like a 13 year old girl. Therefore you are a 13 year old girl. Wanna cyber?
10-01-2008, 11:55 AM
jared

Quote:

Originally Posted by simonj

You write poetry like a 13 year old girl. Therefore you are a 13 year old girl. Wanna cyber?

do you have yahoo
10-01-2008, 03:10 PM
TheOriginalGrumpySpy

What we learned was this:

You never post poetry online, ever.
10-01-2008, 04:40 PM
jared

Quote:

Originally Posted by TheOriginalGrumpySpy

What we learned was this:

You never post poetry online, ever.

I wish I could stay up here forever
I never want to come back down
I wish there was something I could do
Because something really bothers me
And it’s the weather
10-01-2008, 04:51 PM
Atmosfear

Okay look I don't want to hear about your dreams. It's like looking at pictures. If I'm not in them and no one is having sex in them I don't really care.