Seeing a shrink in the UK
I have made 1 or 2 posts here before. I have trouble with depression, proper full blown depression, and had been getting help. About 2 months ago was the last time I seen my doctor, things were looking up, I got a final prescription for anti depressants and went on my way. But its well and truely back.
The thing that is getting to me...I know something else is wrong. It isn't just depression. I know that it isn't unusual for depressed people to have other mental health issues. I read alot about different mental health problems, but I try not to read too much into it. I know something is wrong and like most people, I want to give it a name and I don't want to read stuff and maybe twist my experiences to fit with other things. I like to do silly mental health tests on the web, I know these are pretty stupid and I do them more to pass the time than for anything else.
However, doing them and reading about personality disorders, I am starting to worry that I might have a few. Namely paranoid and avoidant. And even though non of this reading etc is any substitute for a professional diagnosis, I think there is a strong chance that I have at least one of them. There is so much in life, so many fundamental human experiences that I can never have, because of my damned paranoia and subsequent desires to avoid any and all human contact.
And because of these, I worry that I will soon become dangerous. I have already accepted that I will need to kill myself, as I just cannot live in this world. However, because of my paranoia...I really want to kill others. I fantasise about murder alot. And often when am fantasising my suicide, more and more it involves me going out and taking a select few people with me. I already have a hit list, people who really need to die and I am ok with killing them, they need to die, but when I am out and about, I just want to kill everyone I see, it causes me to sweat, my heart starts racing and my entire body trembles, and that is something that I don't want to do.
I fear that there is a very real chance that I would become a danger, and I don't want this. I really want to see a shrink...but don't know how to go about it. Does anyone here have any experience (in the UK) in dealing with shrinks? How did you get in touch? My mother wants me to go back to see the doctor, since the anti depressants don't work anymore. Should I ask her to put me in touch with one? Do they have NHS shrinks?
