A 10 year old girl gave my friend a black eye, a chipped tooth, and AIDS this weekend
#1
Atmosfear So I recently traveled to New Orleans in order to watch a minor football contest called the Sugar Bowl in which my beloved Bulldogs stomped a bunch of faggishly dressed Samoans led by a bleach-blonde sexual predator of a Heisman trophy finalist Hawaii.
Anyways, naturally, being in New Orleans we all went out on Bourbon Street. As Bourbon is typically crowded, usually moving from bar to bar requires agreeing to a final destination and meeting there, as moving in a large group together on the street is difficult. Anyways, we filtered in twos and threes towards Pat O's and when we finally arrived, one of us had a black eye.
It started with him walking down the street drinking a hand grenade. Suddenly, he felt a whomp on his ass, as though a little person had punched him square in the cheek (at this point, I was hoping it was a midget; unfortunately, it wasn't.) He turned around to find a 10-year old black girl (obviously the post-Katrina, thieving hoodlum type) trying to get after his wallet.
As he turned to face her, she became belligerent, circling around him and taunting him, shouting at him, "What you gonna do about it?" Taken aback, our hero set his hand grenade on the ground and scoffs at the girl, "Look, what are you talking about? Just go away."
Unashamed and obviously looking for a fight, the girl runs up and boots his hand grenade all over the street. Dismayed at the loss of his $8 drink, my friend flips out and himself becomes belligerent, yelling at the girl and using a few choice words. The girl, in turn, begins harassing him, and shouting, "Hit me. You can't take me. What you gonna do about it, white boy?"
Knowing he is unable to really do anything to a small, female child, my friend (who stands about 6'5") is standing dumbfounded as a crowd is beginning to gather about the scene. What a moral dilemma, what could he do? On one hand, he can't assault a girl, but on the other hand he has no recompense for the spirits she has punted across the French Quarter.
Meanwhile, the little hellion charges at him, leaps, and crow-hops him right square in the eye. Still dumbfounded and frozen, not knowing what to do, my buddy proceeds to allow her to attack him again, this time punching him in the mouth, and all the while talking shit like a veteran sailor.
Finally snapped back to reality, he grabs the girl and tries to restrain her, putting her in a headlock and looking around at the crowd for some clue as to how a 22-year old is supposed to handle assault and battery from a girl who hasn't started puberty and might top 4'0" tall. While he is looking to the crowd for support, she proceeds to bite his hand around the base of his thumb and, fearing she might draw blood and/or infect him with hepatitis, AIDS, lycanthropy, or the virus from Dawn of the Dead, releases her.
She proceeded to run away without his wallet, but not without leaving him bite marks on his hands, a chipped tooth, and a black eye. Now he probably has AIDS and he didn't even get to share any needles.
Hopefully she ran around the corner and her mother beat her for not bringing her a wallet and they went hungry that night and then they froze in the subfreezing temperatures of the last couple nights in NOLA.
So, what would you do if a 10-year old began to publicly assault you?
