Girlfriend and Parents

So another thread. Well anyways, so after living with my girlfriend we decided to move out on our own while still dating. Personally I love it and like my own space while still being able to be with her. I decided to stay at my current residence while she moved to her parents place so she could gather enough money to move out on her own. I understand, it's expensive to move out initially for sure, but I just don't understand a few things.

Well she took about 2 weeks off work to visit her friend in another city and after all is said and done she has no money. I'm glad she's taking time off to she her best friend, but after talking to her it just doesn't seem like she's too keen on moving out of her parents place.

God I could go off on her parents but I won't, all I'll say is they are... good and bad at the same time. They smoke weed all the time and are both jobless and on EI. They borrow money off my girlfriend constantly, sometimes to the point where I lend HER money to lend THEM. They're good parents and have taught her a lot, but they take advantage of her.

When she gets back from her trip I want her to move out on her own, get her own place. She says she wants that too, but I don't know what will happen. I hate visiting her parents house because they just smoke cigs, weed, and watch CNN. I don't want her to stay at her parents house and maybe that's just me being... greedy or selfish?

Another thing is that she was getting on my back about me not moving back to my parents place and wanting me to keep living on my own. While I fully plan to, isn't it a bit hypocritical to move back with your parents? Hopefully she does save and move out. I don't like how her parents are borrowing money off her even now when they know she wants to move out, but we'll see.

Sorry, I really needed to get a bit of that rant out...

hOLY FUCK SOMEBODY SMOKES WEED CALL DA POLICE

seriously kid you sound like a complete retard

who the fuck cares if her parents borrow (not even take) money from her? why does it matter if they smoke weed in their own house? the only valid argument you have against her parents is that they watch CNN

your entire post reeks of poorly aimed angst

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Originally Posted by faesce

hOLY FUCK SOMEBODY SMOKES WEED CALL DA POLICE

seriously kid you sound like a complete retard

who the fuck cares if her parents borrow (not even take) money from her? why does it matter if they smoke weed in their own house? the only valid argument you have against her parents is that they watch CNN

your entire post reeks of poorly aimed angst

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Well he doesn't specify, but it sounds like thats all they are doing, and not even attempting to look for a job. Which is a problem.

Yea I mean if they are just being lazy fucks and smoking all day and mooching off of their daughter that's bad. If they needed money because they were in a bad situation and were both busting ass then that's different.

If the only reason you want her to move out is because you don't like being around her lazy parents than you are being selfish and you need to suck it up. If she doesn't want to then you shouldn't try and make her.

Well the post wasn't very thought out and I was pretty much just ranting, but it's nice to know I sound retarded.

The only thing I don't like about them borrowing money off my girlfriend/me is that they use it to buy weed and cigs. I have nothing against them smoking weed, but if they use all their money for it and then need to borrow money to get more I just can't understand that. They're nice people, don't get me wrong, I just would like to see them be able to buy their own weed. I was mostly upset about them continuously borrowing money off their daughter when they know she wants to save to move into a small house of her own. She has a problem saying "no" and even I know it's especially hard to say "no" to your own parents. It just seemed a bit manipulative to me, even if they didn't mean to be.

She does want to move out, but I agree I was being selfish by wanting her to move out just because I don't like to hangout at her parents place.

Just to add, it's not "their own house" -- it's a four-plex sort of deal. They've had complaints from other tenants about smoking before which involved the cops.

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Originally Posted by Infernus

Well he doesn't specify, but it sounds like thats all they are doing, and not even attempting to look for a job. Which is a problem.

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You're right, it is a problem. It's just not his problem.

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Originally Posted by Bdraes

The only thing I don't like about them borrowing money off my girlfriend/me is that they use it to buy weed and cigs.

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Do her parents pay the money back?

If yes, then you're being way too idealistic and you are potentially inflaming a situation that ceased to exist prior to your angsting.

If no, then admittedly you have justifiable concern. However it's out of your hands, and anything you do past showing occasional sincere concern to your girlfriend can't help in any way. It's her situation, and it has little to no bearing on your life right now, as I assume you're young.

In my opinion it's not really your business whether she wants to live with her parents or not. You can't really say that you guys should live separate and then try to dictate what she does for a living situation. If she chooses to live with deadbeat parents who constantly borrow money from her, that's her deal. If you have a problem with them borrowing money, then don't loan her money to loan to them. If it's your money then man up and tell her you don't want to support her parents smoking habit.

If you're only occasionally voicing concerns about it, that's not a problem. If you're going to get on her ass about moving out of her parents place, you're crossing over into areas that aren't your concern.

You assumed right, I'm pretty young. Just left my teens at 20, but I definitely still feel like a teen, hah. Maybe it isn't my concern as you say, but it still feels like it sort of should be, ya know? I mean we lived together for about a year, dated for longer, and her life is still deeply embedded in my own.

I'm not pressuring her to move out on her own at all, though I may have come off as doing so. She said she wants to and I want her too as well. I admit I want her to move out for selfish reasons, but I don't jump on her demanding she move out. Most of it is just me hoping she moves out on her own.

She is my girlfriend and, as I said above, her life is close knit with my own. What her parents do affect her, which affects me. When she has a problem I have a problem, maybe that's stupid but it's just how I feel.

What her parents do does not affect you. Your girlfriend is affected sure, but the only way you become involved, is if she involves you, which it doesn't sound like she's doing. If her parents bother you that much, tell her that you don't personally want to be around them anymore. It'll either force her to move out or break up with you, but if you ignore it, you might be heading down that road anyways.

Disclaimer: I am high and the above may be terrible advice.

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Originally Posted by Shinysides

Disclaimer: I am high and the above may be terrible advice.

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Actually not bad advice.

I don't understand how you could consider them good parents based on this behavior.

I mean, I guess if the standard for "good" has dropped down to "didn't sexually abuse their children" then bravo, rents, bravo.

You're quite right, her parents are bloody awful.

Providing you aren't forcing her to do something she doesn't want to do, go ahead help her move out, there's absolutely nothing wrong with wanting and helping her to do that.

Yeah, they're clearly awful parents because they're jobless, smoke weed, and borrow money.. except that that has nothing to do with being a parent at this stage of their daughter's life.

The thread starter even said they're good parents and that they taught her a lot on top of sheltering/feeding her, so why the fuck would you assume you know more about them than him based off his descriptions alone? lol

You ignorant faggots have no idea what bad parents are.

anyway i agree with what shinysides said

They did such a good job with her she's living back at home with no plans to move out.

Also, hi, I'm maesce. I have a shitty home life and am an uneducated wigger. Don't talk to me about the real world man, I know everything.

(Rule of the Real World #1: defend everyone who smokes weed)

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Originally Posted by Atmosfear

living back at home with no plans to move out.

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Originally Posted by Bdraes

When she gets back from her trip I want her to move out on her own, get her own place. She says she wants that too

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lol n1

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Originally Posted by faesce

Yeah, they're clearly awful parents because they're jobless, smoke weed, and borrow money..

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CORRECT! Thank you folks, we have a winner.

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except that that has nothing to do with being a parent at this stage of their daughter's life.

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You're not actually a parent are you? No, I didn't think so.

So after 18, parents can just fuck off, dick around, retire in four-plex, smoke weed, go jobless, and mooch money off their daughter, and that makes them good parents, Faesce?

I mean, really?

They could have been saints prior to this, but that doesn't make them great parents now.

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Originally Posted by MalReynolds

So after 18, parents can just fuck off, dick around, retire in four-plex, smoke weed, go jobless, and mooch money off their daughter, and that makes them good parents, Faesce

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Here's a list of shit you just made up in some weird attempt at disagreeing with me:

- Fuck off
- Dick around
- Retired
- Mooch money

The following is a list of actual facts we know about her parents:

- Jobless
- Smoke weed
- Borrow money
- Sheltering their child

If you truly believe that those qualities make up bad parents, I'll reiterate what I said earlier. You dumb faggots have absolutely zero idea what bad parents are. Not once did I say these parents were the best, or even good to any degree, the boyfriend of their daughter made that assessment (and I'm pretty sure he's more qualified to do so than anybody in this thread.) But there's a huuuuuuge margin between what they are now and "bad" parents, though.

Fuck off means not looking for a job. Dicking around means doing shit other than trying to find employment. Retired, as in, not looking for work because they are done with work. And there is no indication that they pay back the money.

I'm sorry if you were raised by people that filled socks full of bullshit, retardedness and fear, and then beat you with these socks until you were blue in the face, but come on. You're just being argumentative for the sake of being Faesce.

How did you come to the conclusion they're not looking for a job? I asked the thread starter if they paid back the money and he ignored me, so I can only assume they do pay it back. If they don't, it would change my opinion of them a lot.

And who I was raised by has no bearing on the point I'm making, whether or not you find it relevant. You're pretty far off the mark though, as funny as it would be if you were right.

I just got back from Pennsylvania and you are a faggot for growing up there.

Also you wouldn't know good parenting if it cockslapped you between the eyes.

At the point they borrow money "constantly" and he has to lend his girlfriend money to lend her parents, it's past the point of "well if they pay her back" bullshit. If my mom needs 50 bucks and I have cash, I give it to her; I don't lend her money. At the point you need to keep score with your parents, they have failed as parents. At the point you have to borrow money from your friends to support their weed habit, they have failed as parents.

And truthfully, the statement that the OP is best qualified to judge the situation is simply bullshit because he obviously can't figure out how to avoid these situations in the first place. The moment he caught wind of this shit, it should have been automatic: cut out this bullshit and grow up or find someone else.

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Originally Posted by Atmosfear

I just got back from Pennsylvania and you are a faggot for growing up there.

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How do you know where I grew up? Are you clairvoyant?

Basing an assumption of heritage/where somebody was raised at on the location they currently reside is pretty dumb. As is basing your opinion on somebody based off of where they were raised.

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Originally Posted by Atmosfear

Also you wouldn't know good parenting if it cockslapped you between the eyes.

At the point they borrow money "constantly" and he has to lend his girlfriend money to lend her parents, it's past the point of "well if they pay her back" bullshit. If my mom needs 50 bucks and I have cash, I give it to her; I don't lend her money. At the point you need to keep score with your parents, they have failed as parents. At the point you have to borrow money from your friends to support their weed habit, they have failed as parents.

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I feel as though I have a good, if not great idea of what good parenting is. It doesn't involve a clause saying if you live in a certain economic background or borrow money (with the intent to pay back) from your children you're a bad parent.

Your opinion of a bad parent is your own, however I feel as though you're naïve and unexposed to a very real chunk of reality if you feel as though they have failed as parents because they borrow money.

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Originally Posted by Atmosfear

And truthfully, the statement that the OP is best qualified to judge the situation is simply bullshit because he obviously can't figure out how to avoid these situations in the first place. The moment he caught wind of this shit, it should have been automatic: cut out this bullshit and grow up or find someone else.

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So because his girlfriends parents are at worst "less than ideal" and have an extremely minor impact on his life, his opinion on whether or not they're good parents (worth more than yours and mine simply because he has experiences to base it on) is null and he should dump her and "grow up"?

Seems pretty dumb to me.

How are you overlooking the fact that they borrow money to buy weed? Are you just that fucking dense?

I mean you can try to match wits with me, but you'd be better off warming up by matching wits with a rotten log; it'd be more on your level.

Let her parents do want they want, if it bothers you so much then forget about her.

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Originally Posted by Atmosfear

How are you overlooking the fact that they borrow money to buy weed? Are you just that fucking dense?

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If they pay it back, how does that make them bad parents? Are you claiming that borrowing money from a child breaks some magical law of parenting?

You can continue to load your replies up with random filler if that's how you argue a point, but ultimately this is a matter of opinion. And my opinion is that the people in this thread that are calling the thread starter's girlfriend's parents "bad parents" are either severely unexposed to a large demographic of people who live in this world or have some odd vision of what makes parents good versus bad.

Either way you look at it, you're resorting to weird personal attacks on a person you have absolutely zero idea about outside of the clues that a fake, deliberately constructed internet persona gives you. (that you had to observe in some way prior in order to form an opinion)

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Originally Posted by SUN

Let her parents do want they want, if it bothers you so much then forget about her.

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I honestly don't understand how the advice forget about her is good in any way, when he obviously cares about her well being a great deal.

Stop bitching and fighting in this thread. Express an opinion, rebut someone else's statement, but no more name calling and aggression.

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Originally Posted by SUN

Let her parents do want they want, if it bothers you so much then forget about her.

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This is a terrible and useless thing to say.

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Originally Posted by Atmosfear

How are you overlooking the fact that they borrow money to buy weed?

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My parents borrow money from me, sometimes, as neither of them are particularly well-off and don't have a nice pile of savings to fall back on, whereas I do have a few thousand in the bank. Neither of them failed as parents and if they did it certainly wouldn't be because they need to borrow a few hundred or a thousand dollars once every few months or years. So given that, I can only assume you have a problem with them borrowing money to buy weed? I mean, it's not great, but it's not harmful unless they're not able to pay her back or they're driving her/themselves into the ground. They just seem irresponsible and lazy -- they don't seem like horrible failures.

Look, it just seems like they're being a bit of a drain on her and she needs to get a bit tougher with them. You also need to get a bit tougher with her -- you're not doing anyone favours by lending her money to lend to them. If they have things they need to pay for, they should at least be looking for work. Debt between anyone is regrettable at the best of times, even in the family.

FIGHT THE GOOD FIGHT

I read that as, "FIGHT, FOOD FIGHT."

I'm sorry, you have your opinion and I have mine, but "ignorant faggots".... really? I can't respect someone who simply spits on anyone who disagrees with their point of view. I thought the rules here were "no flaming", but maybe I was wrong.

I didn't mean to make it out her parents are bad parents. Sure they have bad habits, things including more than weed, but my parents do too. And I don't have anything against weed so if all this hostility towards me is because you thought I was an anti-weed person, faecse, I'm not. I just don't like the fact that when we both are in hard times, needing to work our asses off in order to live, and we're lending them money for something as silly as weed, then I have a problem.

I just feel they need to look for jobs and get jobs. Currently they're on EI and haven't had internet or cable since my girlfriend moved back in with them. She's paying for that. I don't find that right.

Also, sorry for ignoring you faesce, they did pay her back for what she lent them right now. They also lent her 100 dollars for her trip, which she couldn't pay because of bank issues. I'm not saying they are bad parents, but there have been times where they would take her card without her permission and spend money to buy smokes and whatever else without paying her back. She has trouble saying no so they know they can do that. This seems manipulative to me, so I get upset. I've talked to her about it before and it resulted in tears. They're her parents, what is she supposed to do?

I was referring to Atmosfear and MrShrike, not you. I have shown absolutely zero hostility towards you except for the first post, which was refuted after your reply. My entire reason for staying so long in this thread was to defend your girlfriend's parents from random judgments based on bits and pieces of what you said.

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there have been times where they would take her card without her permission and spend money to buy smokes and whatever else without paying her back

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Knowing that they do things like this, I'd change my opinion of them quite a bit if I still cared about this at all...

ps: no flaming rules are left over from LWS and aren't really enforced here because nobody gives a flying fuck outside of some weird vigilante mods

It is her money, they are her parents, it is her decision to live with her parents or not the same way as if you decided to move back home it would be entirely up to you.

Essentially it isn't your business, it's hers. If they really are terrible parents and she's fool enough to give them money she will learn in her own time. Many many people smoke weed and it doesn't make them bad people or bad parents, plenty of people with children manage to be terrible parents without it. It sounds as if they're in a tight money situation and need to calm down so they've turned to it for some relief during this time. If your girlfriend sees something wrong with it or them borrowing money unannounced from her she needs to confront them but it is neither your place to force her to do so or complain should she not.

Live apart, grow together. If you love one another all of it is inconsequential as eventually you will end up in a place together. I know what you want is probably in her best interests but how about you give her some time to get herself together instead of adding stress with so much haste? Things will pan out, a little patience may help.