Boy Problems.

I got with my now ex in June of last year. He was 18, fresh out of high school, and I was 17, about to enter my senior year.

I have had boyfriends before, and I even think I did the whole 'first love' thing at 16, but this guy was different. We were friends before anything happened, and I think we did not rush anything, at all.

Summer was a blast. Right from the beginning, he was right by my side, always. There was not a day we did not spend time together, somtimes waking up in the same room and going to bed right next to eachother. However, we did not 'take it a step further' until after we were dating for 4 months.

The longest time we spent apart was Christmas break, when he went up to Canada to visit relatives and I stayed down here. We still talked every day and he even made me videos using his webcam so I could still hear his voice every day.

Then, in February, the beginning of the end happened. I messed up...big time. I cheated. I had too much to drink and wasnt thinking and was caught by my boyfriend kissing another guy I didnt even know.

He quickly broke up with me, saying he couldnt trust me anymore, but we still remained good friends. In fact, we continued having sex, he continued being everything he used to be to me...he took me on dates, paid for everything, we cuddled and kissed and he still told me he loved me.

This went on for months.

April rolled around, and I finally asked him why we wernt together, especially with the way he was treating me. He told me he loved me, he just didnt want a relationship with me. So, I stopped having sex with him.

In all honesty, the reason I stopped being intimate with him was because I wanted him to want to be with me. I wanted him to even like, want sex so bad he would be in a relationship with me, just like we were.
I didnt understand because he told me he loved me...and he was treating me like a girlfriend, but he couldnt be official.

On Friday, he told me he had sex with another girl...a friend of his. He told me he did it because 'he wasnt getting it from me anymore' and that I shouldnt even be mad because Im not his girlfriend and its not my buisness.

We have been fighting all weekend about it. I find that Im the one crying, and he seems to completely not care. I told him we cant talk anymore, and he said 'whatever' basically. Its like I was never important.


This guy told me he wanted to marry me, that he planned his future with me in it and that I was all he needed to be happy.

I dont understand how he could be so heartless. He told me he fell otu of love, and that the only reason he was still treating me like a girlfriend all those months was because he was 'used to it'.

I dont know what to do. I feel so alone. Not only was he my boyfriend, he was my best friend. I feel like I have no one else.


Why did he fall out of love? Why does he not care after everything we had? How can I move on?

How the fuck is he the heartless one? You cheated on him, he breaks up with you. You continued to have sex with him, and when you tried to take that away as leverage he fucks some other broad. That leads to you getting upset?

Did I miss something?

Edit: Before solecistic cuts my balls off, let me address your questions.

Why did he fall out of love? - You cheated on him. That alone makes many men (myself included) instantly lose a lot of respect for their partners. There's a good possibility the full force of the loss of trust didn't hit him until a certain point. You said it yourself: "the only reason he was still treating me like a girlfriend all those months was because he was 'used to it'." That, and you were having sex with him.

Why does he not care after everything we had? - You apparently didn't care enough to not put yourself in a position to cheat. I'm assuming he's basing his reasoning on that.

How can I move on? - Time heals all :)

You're in the wrong, not him.

He was in the wrong to carry on acting like it was a relationship for so long after it ended. When you break up with someone you man up and do it, you don't just break up with them 'officially' but keep dating them 'on the down-low'. He led you on for months and that was wrong.

Ok, so you kissed another guy, that was stupid and you lost his trust. Shit happens, you move on. Unfortunately for you, you didn't move on and neither did he until the moment it suited him best and by that point you'd already allowed yourself to get completely emotionally attached to him.

Drunkenly kissing someone else isn't the biggest deal in the world. As far as infidelity goes it was a pretty minor incident from what I can gather. It certainly doesn't make you a bad person. Fucking with someone's emotions for so long and not having the balls to commit to a break up does however make him a bad person and, in the end, you'll realise you're better off without him.

Oh god this sounds exactly like my first relationship (except no one cheated).

My ex boyfriend and I broke up and continued to hook up. Suddenly out of nowhere it stopped happening and he moved on. Yeah, it really sucks being strung along and having your feelings hurt. But it's not the be all end all. You need to move on. Start right now by deleting his number, deleting him on facebook (I can't believe this has become a legit suggestion now) just basically cutting him off completely.

Like simonj said, drunkenly making out with someone isn't the biggest deal ever, but to him it was a dealbreaker. Ideally you should have stopped continuing a sexual relationship after you were broken up, but it didn't end up like that. You're what, 17? Lady, there's so much more out there. There are guys out there that won't string you along and will treat you like you deserve to be treated. Don't get hung up on this one guy. Move on.

You cheated and trust was broken to a point he couldn't get past. Love is a thing that wants to hang on and he may have just been riding out the remainder of its course to find some resolution to his feelings (please note that I don't think he is in the right handling it the way he did, it's likely he had conscious intentions to exact revenge by toying with your emotions).

You've described that he made the boundaries of your casual relationship very clear and if you feel lead on it is because you wanted to hang on to that hope of reconnection despite the facts in front of you. No you don't have the right to have an issue with him seeing other girls, and you know you don't, but feeling the way you do right now is normal and human. I'm sure on some level you feel used and abandoned but these are only things you have invited while carrying on with what was only a relationship in your head. The best thing you can possibly do for yourself right now is jot down the lessons you've learned and get on with life.

You are young, this is not the end, there will be others.
Distract yourself with work and activity. Take up reading or otherwise keep your mind active and off topic.

Everything noted so far in this thread is worth contemplating but in the end it is up to you to come to terms with the end of this relationship and make peace with yourself.


faesce, I don't think there's a reason for sole to cut your balls off, sometimes throwing things people already know back in their face is the best wake-up call possible.

Sole can ban people in here for the slightest of reasons.

OP, you did cheat. However by the sounds of it, it was a genuine mistake. Try to imagine what it would feel like to have someone cheat on you. You found out he humped someone else, and you fought over it. Multiply that and you will get an idea of what he felt.

If you dent someones trust, it can be hard to rebuild, if not impossible. You just have to accept that. Like the others have said, you need to move one. Try to learn from your mistakes though. Betrayal hurts. Judging from your OP, you should have a fair idea of this.

Chalk it upto youthful shenanigans and move on.