TV shows don't offer legal advice.
So I am in court the other day (long story, but enough about me) and since it's a misdemeanor charge, I head over to Court Room 1 where a judge is processing as many of us as possible. You know, overdue parking tickets, trespassing, and all that good stuff. There are about twenty of us in there and thanks to the Judge's aide, we have 3 options.
1) Plead guilty.
2) Not Guilty.
3) No contest.
After that little speech, we get to the nitty-gritty. About ten off us went through the motions, stating our competence, waving our right to a lawyer (if you wanted) and then pleading whatever we plead. Most of us were there for low level stuff so we went on our way, agreeing to pay some fine or another at a latter date. So the guy ahead of me finally gets up there and apparently was in for B and E. Classic redneck style, this guy is rocking a wife-beater and mullet and has worn his "good jeans" today.
"Mr. So-and-so," The judge went, "You have been charged with breaking and entering. How do you plead?"
"I plead the fifth your honor." The redneck claimed.
Stunned silence filled the court room...we are all kinda surprised someone would actually say that. It took all of my willpower not to start laughing, but the judge had a smile on his face as he explained.
"Sir, you only have three options here," The judge claimed, "The fifth Amendment doesn't apply to this hearing."
"But I plead it! It's in my rights!" Redneck shouts back, "I know my rights! You can't take 'em away!"
Okay now even the bailiff is laughing now. I have to hand it to the judge, he kept his cool though he looked like he was about to burst out laughing at any moment. Everyone else, even me, was kinda giggling at this.
"Sir, I am not trying to take away anyone's rights," The Judge explained, "The fifth Amendment only applies when you are standing trial. This is a hearing, now, do you plead guilty, not guilty, or no contest?"
The redneck simmers down and thinks.
"Would you care for me to explain each one?" The Judge offers.
"No," The redneck says, "I watch cops your honor. And court TV. I know I can plead the fifth. That's what I am doing."
Yeah, it was funny the first time around, but now the rest of us are getting irritated. This went on for about five more minutes until the judge lost his patience and rescheduled redneck's hearing at a later date, at which time the judge encouraged the redneck to seek out legal council before returning to the courtroom. I must say that I was quite alarmed that such stupid, where people believe TV offers advice for life and legal council, exist! It's just unbelievable!
