Relationship troubles, advice needed.
Heya, Personal Support has helped me in the past so I thought id give it another go.
Basically a while ago I fell for this girl and I told her how I felt, now the problem is this girl had previously been in a relationship with one of my best friends and that lasted 4 years or so, though they had been broken up for about 3 months before I 'made a move'
A month or so later she comes to my house to 'give back some money she owed me' (the night before I bought her a few drinks) but this turned out to be just an excuse to see me and tell me that she felt the same way. So from then on we were together, a couple of weeks into the relationship (which was incredible, hence me feeling so bad right now) she told me that she didnt think that it would work out, she was worried about what our friends would say (we're still friends with her ex and we share the same circle of friends) and that she still had feelings for her ex. We talked it out and agreed that we'd work through it, I then gave her the chance to simply walk away if she wanted to without any hard feelings.
Another week or so of bliss followed, seeing each other every minute that we could, spontaneous trips away etc and she breaks up with me, citing the same reasons, I was angry as fuck and felt pretty shitty all around. That saturday (halloween) everyone but me went to a party and everyone found out somehow, I got off work early and went down there to sort it all out, none of our friends cared in the slightest and they were all fine with it, we talked that night and she was saying that she was wanting to get back together with me. So we did, but only after she promised that she felt what we had was worth the trouble and potential drama, I planned to keep my distance for a while in order to not get hurt again.
A few days later I sat down and talked to her ex, telling him that we were together and whats been going on, he was upset, but not angry, he said that he wouldnt interfere with us at all and was glad that she was with me and not someone who would just use her. So that night everything was rosy and great, we were both in high spirits and releived that everyone knew, ready to make it official and not have to worry anymore, she said that her parents were away that weekend and that she wanted to spend the weekend with me staying round there, so at work that night I get various texts about how excited she is about the weekend and that "she doesnt think that she could go two days without kissing me" and other sweet things like that which made me feel better and relax a little, put down my guard if you will.
The very next day (I was out with some work friends for bonfire night) she rings me and tells me that her ex wanted to see her for a talk, well I wasnt happy but I did know that he wasnt going to try anything, hes said on multiple times that he doesnt want to get back with her, although I wasnt exactly pleased that hed chosen to do it so soon. Well they had that talk and from then on she was really cold with me, wouldnt ring me back after theyd had their talk and the next day said that her parents werent going away until the next day (this was true) so we didnt see each other, I said that we needed to talk and she said that she wanted to night to just sort out how she was feeling. So the next day I went over hers and we broke up, she said that she didnt want to be in a relationship while she was feeling all these mixed feelings about her ex (she doesnt want to get back with him but she still loves him) and that she wanted to be on her own to properly get over him. She hadnt really been on her own to sort it out since they broke up and hadnt had a chance to think about it. A few days later she tells me on MsN that she was going to come over the next day to give this book back that I let her borrow (this was the first time we'd talked since we broke up so she made the first contact) and I dont know whether that meant she actually wanted to give the book back and that shes over me or that she just using it as another excuse to try and talk to me.
Also I know that this is fucking pathetic, if it was any other girl I wouldnt have even gotten involved in the first place, but what can I say, shes got her claws into me and I think I love her. Im scared that by doing nothing and playing the whole 'oh act fine so that she'll want to get back with you' thing what we had would be brushed under the carpet and forgotten about. But if I do ask her to talk or whatever it'll seem needy and will further push her away.
So two scenarios are floating through my head endlessly,
a) she either likes me a lot, as evidenced by how she acted while she was with me and really wants to be together but cant because of being messed up.
b) Or she is actually 'over' me and thats that.
She said that she wanted us to be together but didnt feel that she could while feeling all of these different emotions and I wish I could just believe that but im the type of person that analyzes things way too much.
So what should I be doing? I've been taking the approach of getting on with my life and not letting her see how much her breaking up with me has fucked me up but im scared that by doing that everything will be forgotten about and everything will be back to how it was before.
Not sure how that reads but thats a million if you read it, Im going to the cinema tonight and shes guna be there so Ill update this later with how that went.
