Moving out of town. Friends/jobs/etc.

Well I've lived in the same smaller city for most of my life and have been very content, but there just isn't any work here and I need money. Basically my girlfriend pushed me to move away when her parents moved away and left her here with me. We're living at my mom's place while she's away because I got laid off and couldn't afford to live on my own any longer.

My girlfriend's parents said she should move to the bigger city they're in right now and they would rent a bigger place so she and I could stay with them. I hate the idea of living with her parents because they like to be heavily involved with their kids and her dad is very... needy I guess. So it would be me, her, her mom/dad and her 22 year old brother(me and my gf are 20).

The original plan was to save for a few months and then move over there or somewhere else, but that got thrown out the window and my girlfriend dropped the bomb that said she's going in a month with or without me. I was pissed off at first, but decided to just go for it because at least I could find work over there and go to school. I'm kinda stressin' about it all, but figure after a couple months or so of saving we'd find our own place and it'd be all good.

So basically I've got a month, then I'll be moving in with my girlfriend's parents and into a bigger city. I really hate the whole girlfriend's parents thing... They're the type of people who, like I said, are very needy for attention and can't let go I guess. They spend their time sitting around in the living room watching tv together and getting their kids to do things for them. My family is more the give each other space type and everybody does there own thing so I guess I'm just not used to it, maybe.

Anyways, I'm sorta getting into a rant here. What I wanted advice on is friends and whatnot in a new city. I'll be leaving all my friends back in the old town and I'm not very good at making new... "Hey, feel like hangin' out?" kinda friends, especially when I have absolutely no one to go to bars with or chill with.

Any advice or whatnot about the whole situation would be great. I'm still sorta stressed about the whole thing and just need to type.

Well #1:
If you don't wanna go don't. You'll only end up resenting ur gf if things don't work out.
However,moving to a bigger city for hopes of work is very common right now. I moved to Dallas Tx about 5 months ago & now have a pretty good job @ a publishing company. So this could be a good opportunity for both of you.
As far as her parents go all the togetherness really is a good thing. It sounds like you guys are going to need a strong support system such as that.

Whatever desicion you make be sure it is the right thing for YOU because if it isn't it will only contribute to your misery.

So the friends thing. That's easy. You just need to make yourself look open. At work you could "Hey wanna go _________ after work for a while?" then your foot is in the door. Even if not accepted maybe some time later they'll think of you. If you were in school it'd be even easier. More people, more opportunities and they actually want to know what you are like. Anyway even if you don't like the person they have a friend that you'll eventually meet and hang out with. Pretty soon you won't be hanging out with the ones that you don't like but still tied to the ones you do.

I couldn't move in with my wife's parents. It wouldn't work. They like me now, but didn't when we were dating. I thought I was going to have to fight her dad. We moved in with my parents. Had an argument and she slammed the bathroom door. I slammed it open and it hit her in the head. Well then all of a sudden they thought I hit her on purpose. He walks up like it's on so I put my best it's on face on bowed my chest and was about to jump off the porch but he turned and got in the car. Whew! He's a pretty big guy and I didn't want to fight him but I'll be darned if I was going to let him walk over me. Best thing you could do is get out of that situation ASAP. Get your own place as soon as possible if you move in with them. Now if there is any shit, it's just between me and her.

OP here.

Yeah, the togetherness may be a good thing, but I'm just not used to it I guess and kinda find it annoying because of it. It'll be a lot easier to save money living there and it's the logical choice, but I'm still stressed out about it. The thing I'm not sure about now is just how long we're going to live there and what the living arrangements will be.

Since her parents don't have a place yet and are living at her grandma's house for Christmas, they want to know whether we want to stay for a year with them or just for a couple months. If we aren't staying for a year they'll get an apartment and we'll have to deal with 5 people and pets in a smaller area. If we do say we'll stay for a year they'll lease a house with a basement suite for just me and my girlfriend to live in while they live upstairs.

At first I just wanted out of there as quick as possible, but now I'm thinking the basement suite might be a better plan. It would give me some semblance of independence while living with her parents, but then again a year is a long time. Given I'd be probably going to school/working it might not be a bad idea though.

Then there's the apartment where we'd just get our own room and be in contact with her parents/brother all the time... which wouldn't be good. It's only a couple months in that situation as opposed to a year though, so I'm not too sure.

Another thing to consider is the fact that I like to drink and her parents are against it, so living in close quarters would probably add even more tension to the situation, especially if we lived in the same 2 bedroom apartment together.

Understand that by law you are not legally old enough to drink. I'm sure this is only part of why her parents don't approve of it. Totally controllable by you. As far as tight spaces go I completely understand. However the basement idea is probably realistically the best choice for both of you. When you do move out you want to have as much money saved as possible and that's not going to happen in a few months. So that might be your best move. Get online and see what's available to do in your new town and you should be able to make some new friends. Living with family is never easy be it your own or someone elses.

Op again.

Sorry, I forgot to mention I live in Canada - BC specifically, and 19 is the legal age for drinking. I understand why her parents don't approve of it though, since her mom's brothers are big alcoholics, which I won't go into right now.

Thanks for the advice, I think I'll go with the year lease basement suite. It seems the best choice money-wise and privacy-wise. Will it be weird to... not visit them upstairs a lot? I don't mean I'll avoid them, but I just don't think I'll want to go up and visit them often. I mean, I expect my gf will want to go hangout with them often, but I just want to have a life apart from them downstairs if I do end up in that situation. Is that.. weird... antisocial-like..?

A little but I'm sure you'll make the best of it. Good luck to you~

Op again.

So my dad lives in Vancouver and where I was planning on moving was Abbotsford, which is relatively close to Van. I could live with my dad for a bit, then move out on my own in Van, but I never really liked the insanity of Downtown Vancouver which is where he lives. It would be more comfortable and there are plenty of schools I could go to, but I'm not sure my girlfriend would be into it.

We could figure something out where we get a bigger place and live together with my dad for a while, but she's pretty set on Abbotsford - mainly for her parents. She loves Van though, and since her parents would only be living 1hr-1hr1/2 away it wouldn't be too much trouble to visit them or have them visit her. Or maybe I should just move with my dad and let her move with her parents and visit each other, then move in together when we have enough saved in one of the cities.