My life, right now, is kinda the basis for an awful Ashton Kutcher romantic comedy.
I'm going to try and keep this as condensed as possible so that no one goes “tl;dr”. There's a lot more details and small stories to cover and tell, but I'll save those for possible responses.
Case in point, I like this girl. But I don't know if she likes me (how many threads like this do we get a day on here anyways?). She's never had a boyfriend before, and I can't tell if she has a thing for me. We've known each other for over a year now, and every weekend, we both hang out with our two other friends, her female friend and my male friend.
This past weekend, I drove the girl I like home from my male friend's house. We drank a little, but I drank more than her (she only had 1 beer, which took her like two hours just to drink). I cracked a joke about her being afraid of something, and I put my arm around her, saying that I'm there to make sure she's safe. On the outside, it was meant to be, and successfully came off as, a cheesy joke. But, on the inside, it was just a way for me to put my arm around her while I drove. She didn't shake it off, nor did she seem uncomfortable: she carried on as normal, and I don't account this being the alcohol impairing her realization that her friend just put his arm around her, something that he doesn't ever do, especially when the other friends are around. Even when I had to make a turn with both arms and I put it back around her, she accepted it and didn't shrug it off. Other little things have happened before, similar to this.
Now, why can't I just ask her out or something? There's a couple of factors why. One is the fact that her and her friend don't really date, and I don't think they know the rules or social norms of dating. They don't put themselves out to get a boyfriend, nor do they ever talk about boys. Almost all the time we hang out, they're always making fun of someone (as an inside joke to the rest of us) or just tell funny stories or make funny observations. They don't dress to attract, but rather to just be comfortable and to be themselves. The other factor is that I used to like her other friend back in high school (we're all in college now), and it created an immature awkward riff that still lingers to this day, and I fear that if I asked her out, the same thing would happen all over again. The other factor is again, awkwardness in itself – she's never had a boyfriend, so for me to tell her I like her and confront her and ask her out would certainly be challenging for the both of us. Also, there really haven't been any blatant signs from her that she likes me back – just little things like the arm around the shoulder thing from above. I don't feel confident in going in and asking her out unless I know that certain detail that tells me she has a thing for me – I'm not going in blind with this. That being said, the last factor is solving that problem – how do I find out if she likes me? I just can't ask her friend, because I fear too much of what will happen, based on our past history. My male friend knows of the situation, but is with me in asking her if she likes me would be too awkward, and create that tension of the girl knowing I like her as we continue to hang out as friends.
The one possible solution I feel I have (though my one other friend feels as if this isn't a good idea to pursue, and I kinda agree with him), is that my male friend and I think that the other girl likes my male friend. I won't say how we can pick up on this due to I don't want this being overly long, so just take my word for it and assume she does. What I thought of doing was just texting her, asking if she likes my friend. Now, things would be weird if she doesn't send the response I'd be looking for, which would be her saying yes she does. But, if she does say that to me, my plan would be to tell her that I like our female friend, and try to set it up so that she talks to her friend for me, and I talk to my friend for her. But, that's a big assumption and I just can't predict what her answers will be, and my friend said that if anything should happen between my friend and her, I should just let it happen naturally, and thus get involved naturally too. Because it could be viewed as weird and suspicious for me to ask around when it really doesn't involve me to begin with.
I mean, I very well could be looking way too much into this (a small part of me feels that I am), and it could be a very one-way emotional connection coming from me, and she's just my friend, and will always view me as such and doesn't have the emotional connection I'm looking for. However, I'm not so sure if the same can be said for my friend and the other female friend liking him, so that's why I'm confused as to whether or not my situation is the same as hers.
But, this is just the condensed version of the story. I don't want to bore you all, so I'm just sticking with the basic facts. That said, based on what I wrote, how do you think I should deal with this situation? My one friend just said to wait it out for more concrete signs, which have yet to come. But I feel a reason why could be that the girls are just either too stubborn or feel the awkwardness themselves in expressing how they feel to my friend and I. Who knows. If I did, I wouldn't be asking the Internet for relationship advice.
