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Thread: A poem I've been working on...

  1. #1
    Senior Member Sir Bifford's Avatar
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    Default A poem I've been working on...

    ...for a couple minutes. Serious critiques only, please.

    There once was a an internette named Kati Choi
    Who searched the internet for a boy toy
    She pulled down his pants
    And went into a trance
    Because it was a lesbo with a detachable dong.
    Last edited by Sir Bifford; 11-22-2008 at 07:55 AM.

  2. #2
    Band simonj's Avatar
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    Should be 'because it was a lesbo'.

    The rhythm doesn't really flow like a proper limerick should though. And the last line doesn't rhyme.

  3. #3
    Senior Member Sir Bifford's Avatar
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    Okay. Got that fixed. It doesn't flow like a proper limerick because I wanted to do something different. I call it an emo limerick.

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    has hairy legs Janglez's Avatar
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    I like it. You should try and get it published.

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    A very manly muppet Mad Pino Rage's Avatar
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    Sir Bifford, I dub thee comedy clutch of the internet.
    Unthinking respect for authority is the greatest enemy of truth.
    Albert Einstein

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