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Thread: Limericks

  1. #1
    Band simonj's Avatar
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    Default Limericks

    Ok, for a forum which is so anti-emo there seems to be a hell of a lot of depressive "oh I'm so lonely and my life is horrible and I hate you" poetry so I thought I'd post some less-than-serious stuff.

    These are all written by me. I'm no copypasta yo. I have more somewhere, might post them if I can find them.

    There was an old preacher from Malta
    Attracted to boys of the altar
    He'd touch and molest
    But since they confessed
    His clergy is now in Gibraltar

    There once was a guy from Maritius
    Whose sperm was bizarrely nutritious
    When girls sucked his dick
    It made them feel sick
    Cos it certainly wasn't delicious!

    Bob was a barber from Slough
    Or at least he was - he's not now.
    He seemed like a curse
    Cos his customers
    Left holding their ears saying "Ow"
    Last edited by simonj; 11-26-2008 at 12:04 PM.

  2. #2
    has hairy legs Janglez's Avatar
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    The last one doesn't seem to rhyme very well. Doesn't quite flow I guess you could say.

  3. #3
    Senior Member Sir Bifford's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Janglez View Post
    The last one doesn't seem to rhyme very well. Doesn't quite flow I guess you could say.
    Why must you be a hard ass on all of us poets??

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    There once was a girl named Grace
    Who carried a can of mace
    When she went out
    She would shout
    I'll spray this in your face

    I wrote a bunch of these in junior high.

  5. #5
    has hairy legs Janglez's Avatar
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    KT's was pretty good. But who is named Grace anymore?

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    Band simonj's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Janglez View Post
    The last one doesn't seem to rhyme very well. Doesn't quite flow I guess you could say.
    It rhymes perfectly in my accent. Also, Slough rhymes with cow (in case anyone didn't know).

    KT's is good but doesn't flow very well either. The syllable count isn't quite what it should be.

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    It's not syllable count, it's beat count that matters.

    3 beats
    3 beats
    2 beats
    2 beats
    3 beats


    In other words, mine is perfect.
    Last edited by KT_; 11-26-2008 at 02:35 PM.

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    There once was a man named Jim
    who raped a little girl called Kim
    he held her down
    and made her frown
    then threw her fav teddy in the bin.

  9. #9
    windmills of your mind Think's Avatar
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    Whilst laying down getting a tan
    two parents lost Maddy McCann
    in the heat of the moment
    she forgot what no meant
    and now she's dead, raped in Japan

    Mostly due to their charm and their haste
    few note limerick's inherent bad taste
    but revise my writing
    you'll notice it's frightening
    the subject on which it is based

    Speaking of being quite lewd
    Imagine a lactating dude,
    you're shitting on his head
    now raping him dead
    Yeah, limericks are often way crude
    Last edited by Think; 12-02-2008 at 09:35 PM.

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    Merry fucking Christmas Atmosfear's Avatar
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    This forum is full of hacks,
    Who can't hold the hem of my slacks,
    Suspicious rhyme,
    Occurs all the time,
    Sorry for stating the facts.

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    There once was a faggot named Jim Who loved to give a good 'rim'
    I introduced him to Kal
    Now they're quite good pals
    And I can't quit laughing at them!

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    Senior Member BLMWolby's Avatar
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    There once was a man named Rob
    Who liked to eat corn on the cob
    got punched by a bloke
    and started to choke
    and thats why his widow still sobs

  13. #13
    Ghost Poaster Woofness's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Think View Post
    Whilst laying down getting a tan
    two parents lost Maddy McCann
    in the heat of the moment
    she forgot what no meant
    and now she's dead, raped in Japan

    Mostly due to their charm and their haste
    few note limerick's inherent bad taste
    but revise my writing
    you'll notice it's frightening
    the subject on which it is based

    Speaking of being quite lewd
    Imagine a lactating dude,
    you're shitting on his head
    now raping him dead
    Yeah, limericks are often way crude

    there once was a poaster called think
    who was teetering right on the brink
    of being too sick
    and appearing thick
    by letting his standards sink

  14. #14
    ⎷⎛⎝⎷⎛⎝⎷⎛⎝⎷⎛⎝ Snead's Avatar
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    There once was a man from nantucket

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    There once was a girl called Maddy,
    who didn't have a responsible daddy,
    she was snatched from her bed,
    now she's probably dead,
    raped by a Portuguese baddy.

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