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Thread: ForMAL Thoughts

  1. #1
    the eagle
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    Default ForMAL Thoughts

    Just a place to jot stuff down. Whatever. Fuck off.

    A quick letter to the teachers out there:

    There are jokes. There are even funny jokes floating around the ether and air, passing from ear to grey matter to ear to mouth to ear. Some of them are knee slappers. Some of them are so funny that you’ll literally scrape the skin from your bones due to the rampant slapping.

    But there comes a point where you’re to realize that a joke, no matter how funny it may be, is inappropriate, especially when you’re dealing with someone as developmentally sensitive as a class of fourth graders.

    I suppose it’s too late for this, but the example I’m going to use was in my fourth grade class. I had a wonderful teacher, Ms. Nicholson. She let us play with POGS, the little cardboard discs with pictures of Alf and Homer Simpson on them, even though most other teachers wouldn’t. She gave out candy for doing well on tests. She was quick to punish, although she managed to hand out her wrath to only those who deserved it and in such a manner that they always took it on the chin without a fight.

    One day, in the early days before the internet was something widely used by teachers, she heard a joke in what I could only assume was the teachers lounge. Having been the last person to receive the joke, she had no one else to share it with. Not even her husband. It was of such urgency that she pass this on that she could not wait to get home, instead, she had to impart it to her students.

    And she phrased the joke exactly as she herself had heard it.

    “So, my cousin Phil lives in a big house. And one day, there’s a knock on the door.”

    The fourth graders are all curious as to this story. It is not prefaced as a joke, rather, an event in Ms. Nicholson’s life.

    “He goes to answer the door, and who should be standing behind, but a woman with a telegram!”

    At this point, she has to stop. We don’t really know what a telegram is. I, of course, did, but that’s just because I was developmentally leaps and bounds ahead of the other knuckle draggers in my class... Despite the fact that I was having trouble grappling with the infernal concept of ‘remainders’.

    “A telegram,” she continued, “Is an old way to send a message.”

    None of us thought to question why Phil would receive a telegram rather than a phone call. We were accepting this at face value. Even me.

    “A person would come to your house some times and read it out loud to you.”

    We accepted this as a cultural tidbit that we had been in the dark about.

    “Well, sometimes, if you paid the right people, the telegram would be a singing telegram. And Phil, oh boy, did he think it was a singing telegram.

    “ ‘A singing telegram!’ and the lady said, ‘No, not a singing telegram’.

    “But Phil wouldn’t have it. He was so excited. He’d wanted one of these since he was a little kid. ‘A singing telegram!’ ‘No sir, not quite’. But Phil wouldn’t let it go.

    “ ‘But oh, boy, a singing telegram!

    “And the lady had finally had enough. ‘Sure,’ she said. ‘A singing telegram.

    “ ‘Your sister Jo is dead/
    “ ‘ She put a bullet in her head.’”

    And Ms. Nicholson waited for the laughs.

    We were, as it was not prefaced as a joke, nor was it particularly funny, aghast. This was her cousin, who was now dead, from a self inflicted wound. Ms. Nicholson was beaming, beaming at us. Several of the students, crying, went to give her a hug. Some wept quietly for her loss in her seat. At least one uttered the word, “Bitch,” in regard to the fictitious telegram lady.

    And I just sat back, bewildered, at why she would think that it would be a good or appropriate story to tell about how her cousin killed herself.

  2. #2
    =========== KT.'s Avatar
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    Oh, wow. lol

  3. #3
    Superfly Pepsi's Avatar
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    ...


    ....



    ...



    Lol.
    I hear the voices inside my head. They counsel me. They understand. They talk to me.

    Quote Originally Posted by djwolford View Post
    You know, when Tidus points out that you have failed at internetting, it's probably time to go ahead and off yourself.
    Quote Originally Posted by gwahir View Post
    pepsi reserves the right to tell cryptic to get out at any time

    it's in the CD charter

  4. #4
    Merry fucking Christmas Atmosfear's Avatar
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    The moral of this story is answer the fucking phone when it rings.

  5. #5
    I AM NOT COOL YET Dr. Baltar's Avatar
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    lol

  6. #6
    Take orally. no_brains_no_worries's Avatar
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    Being related to her would make me want to commit suicide.
    Quote Originally Posted by ozzy View Post
    He came to the states for his birthday and now he's going home in a body bag. That's what you get for sending your child to Utah.
    Quote Originally Posted by raghead View Post
    i would have whipped out my dick in that situation
    Quote Originally Posted by KT. View Post
    News flash, guys can't get pregnant from vaginal sex either.
    Quote Originally Posted by Atmoscheer View Post
    But what is their policy on winning the hearts and minds through forcible vaginal entry?

  7. #7
    Sheriff of Paddy's captain castle's Avatar
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    Cause there aren't a hundred billion journal websites


    and I know you're vain enough to have a myspace you cunt
    Quote Originally Posted by Atmosfear View Post
    Yeah, the porn stars are the ones who are gross and creepy, not the guy who tells his girlfriends "I just like watching chicks getting their vag's pounded"

    Virgins who have never had a girlfriend are hereby banned from PS starting yesterday
    Quote Originally Posted by no_brains_no_worries View Post
    You're probably the only person who be able to commit felony-level acts of violence in nerd rage.
    Quote Originally Posted by CyanideWyrm View Post
    Captain Castle: Now with the ability to fuck you into atheism
    Quote Originally Posted by DAVIDSDIVAD View Post
    Holy shit you are unfunny

  8. #8
    the eagle
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    I mean, yeah. But why bother redirecting everyone I want to read this story to my Facebook when I could put it up here?

  9. #9
    Merry fucking Christmas Atmosfear's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by MalReynolds View Post
    I mean, yeah. But why bother redirecting everyone I want to read this story to my Facebook when I could put it up here?
    Exactly. Captain Castle shut the fuck up.

    In conclusion captain castle is an idiot

  10. #10
    Sheriff of Paddy's captain castle's Avatar
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    ok
    Quote Originally Posted by Atmosfear View Post
    Yeah, the porn stars are the ones who are gross and creepy, not the guy who tells his girlfriends "I just like watching chicks getting their vag's pounded"

    Virgins who have never had a girlfriend are hereby banned from PS starting yesterday
    Quote Originally Posted by no_brains_no_worries View Post
    You're probably the only person who be able to commit felony-level acts of violence in nerd rage.
    Quote Originally Posted by CyanideWyrm View Post
    Captain Castle: Now with the ability to fuck you into atheism
    Quote Originally Posted by DAVIDSDIVAD View Post
    Holy shit you are unfunny

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