Best ways to avoid a conflict

[Anonymous]

I live on a boarding house during the week, mainly so I can be around people other than just my family. I live in the middle of nowhere and can't drive, so meeting up with people is difficult without getting a lift.

99% of the people I board with are great people. I have a laugh and a joke with them, they come from all over the world (mainly Eastern Europe and China) so there's always something going on. It would be typical that the 1% I don't get on with comes from the same country I do (England).

It's one guy, he sees himself as the self-proclaimed leader (mainly because he failed his final year and has to repeat it, so he's been here longer than the rest of us). He's also bigger and stronger than I am physically, he looks obese but underneath it there is muscle on more muscle. So he chooses to wind up anyone that he thinks won't stand up to him. He's tried to start something with me and a few select others on loads of occasions, but never on anyone who would be able to put him out. Some might call that playing it smart, I call it cowardice.

Anyway, this week I had enough of the constant insults. I was on lock up, so I locked him in the computer suite. Everyone, including those he wouldn't pick on found it hilarious. I saw it as justice. I might not be able to touch him in a fight, but there is more than one way to skin a cat, right? When he got out he emptied a pan of water over my bed and pissed on the clothes in my wardrobe. So I grabbed a cricket bat and ran after him. Consider the fact that I'm around 5'3" at a push and he's above average height (he's 19), I must have looked ridiculous. I scared my room mate enough for him to run to get one of the Polish guys (who are VERY capable of sorting this guy out). I laughed when they said they were there for the other guy's protection, but whatever - argued in the corridor and they managed to talk me down. I went back to my room, talked it out with my room mate and went to sleep.

Now considering what this guy did, I don't want to see him again. And if I have to see him, I sure as hell don't want to talk to him. But he's started hanging around with my friends more often now. Taking over conversations, knowing that I don't want to be a part of anything he's involved with. My friends heard about everything and I'm not worried about losing them, he's already been shot down once when he tried it before. I just don't want the urge to dive over a table and beat the shit out of him every time I'm with my friends. There is a party this weekend and we're both going to be there. And when he has a drink he's going to try and start a fight. I'm not scared of getting hurt, I already know that there are more people than he realises that are aching for a reason to beat down on him. I just don't want it to get to that stage in the first place.

So, any advice?

tl;dr

Some guy likes to pick on me and other people because he thinks he can get away with it. I got sick of it and tried to teach him a lesson. Probably made things worse. He'll probably start a fight with me tomorrow night when he's had a drink. What do you suggest?

[gwahir]

The best way to avoid it (i.e. most surefire way) is certainly to not go to the party.

Other than that, I'd suggest being prepared to have a little bit of PG-rated violence. If he gets fighty when he gets drinky and he'll be getting drinky at the party, I don't think there's anything you can really do to be confident that you can "avoid conflict".

[Kal El]

The dude seriously sounds like Atmosfear. Just find out what he's proud about and insult his pride if he starts anything. Like Gwahir said, the best way to avoid the conflict is to not go to the party. But if he starts anything, don't do anything physical, just find out what he is egotistical about and attack him by that angle, hopefully people around you will also jump in on the bandwagon. He can't physically attack several people at once, so the most that could happen is him throwing a fit and storming like a mad woman in high heals.

[Shinysides]

For actually avoiding conflict, your best bet is to either not go to the party, or if you do, stay sober and stay away from him. The easiest way to dodge a fight is to walk away from it. If he hits you just call the cops and file assault charges. Theres more than one way to win a fight.

Personally though, and you can call me as childish as you want, I'd want to beat the living shit out of him. Someone fucks with my bed or pisses on my clothes, hes gonna regret that shit, very much so. I would personally go to the party and antagonize him until I got the fight, then I'd beat the piss out of him. If you do end up fighting, rock his kidneys. Kidneys are a great place to hit someone bigger than you, and make sure if you go for a kidney shot to really do it hard. I'd say stay away from his face, because if he's as big as you say he is, he'll be able to take a shot to the face no problem. I'm not saying go do this by any means, but it's what I'd do if no one tried to talk me out of it.

But yeah, if you aren't prepared to fight this guy, skip the party. Better safe than sorry.

[Anonymous]

I went to the party in the end. It was a good night, I got back about an hour ago. Things worked out fine, I stayed with my friends and he seemed to wander around aimlessly. There was one time when I was on the dance floor and he came over, but people let me know and I just kept clear of him.

Operation Payback has already begun. My room mate also said that I wouldn't beat him physically, but that I had my strengths in other areas (for example, I'm not repeating my final year of school, I'm not insisting that I hate my ex-girlfriend all day and then professing my undying love for her in moments of drunkeness etc.) so there are plenty of other ways to sort him out. His ex can find out what he says when he's drunk when I see her on Monday. There is already an anonymous tip on where to find him if he doesn't go to his first few lessons of the day. Plus some Polish guy told me that next time, I should go downstairs and wake him up if I wanted to kick his head in.

Thanks for the advice, I guess I just needed to hear the same thing a few more times.