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Thread: I'm a ninja to the deaf.

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    Default I'm a ninja to the deaf.

    So it's 1am and I get a phone call from a furious guest at the hotel that I work at. He rants that the room next to his has their TV so loud that it's rattling his walls. After taking some misdirected abuse, I tell him that no worries, I'll get it all sorted out. Now this is the bullshit I have to go through.

    1) Call the room.No answer.
    2) Go to the room and pound on the door and yes, their TV is playing so loud that I can hear it down the hall before I even get near the room. No answer at the door.
    3) Go all the way back to the front desk, call my boss and inform him of the situation.
    4) Get permission to go into the room.

    This is where I get ninja and a little shook up.

    I go back to the room armed with the hotel master key. I pound once again on the door, calling the guest's name. Now at this time, I'm thinking "Hey, they must have preset their TV and left the room." Still, I gotta cover my ass so after open the door I announce myself as loudly as I could.

    Now as it turns out the TV to the guest's bedroom is on, and blaring. Problem is, the guest is laying on the bed, washed in the TV's blue light and not much else. Now the guest is a Miss, and here I am, a 5'11 300+ man/stranger standing in her doorway while she is dead to the world.

    Speaking of dead, at first I thought she was until I heard the sound of her snoring.

    So now, if this nude sleeping Miss wakes up, I can see tomorrow's headlines "Hotel Rapist caught!" "Master Key Molester at **** Hotel!"

    Needless to say, I am worried. So I play it safe. I call loudly "Miss, can you hear me?"

    Repeat this for five minutes.

    Nothing.

    That's when I see, sitting on her night stand, two massive, grandma sized hearing aids. Damn. She's deaf as a doornail apparently (as if I haven't figured that out already). So now, seeing that I have to act anyway, I slip carefully into her bedroom and head over to the TV. After hitting every fucking button on the goddamn TV, I finally find the power button in the dark and turn it off.

    With the TV light off, I'm fucking blind but I hear the bed squeak. I become a blur as I fly outta that room, praying to every God I know that she is just rolling over in her sleep and haven't been awoken by me.

    Even though this event happened about half an hour ago, I am still waiting for several cops to come barging into the hotel, explaining they have reason to believe some psycho is breaking into hotel rooms.
    Quote Originally Posted by ozzy View Post
    He came to the states for his birthday and now he's going home in a body bag. That's what you get for sending your child to Utah.
    Quote Originally Posted by raghead View Post
    i would have whipped out my dick in that situation
    Quote Originally Posted by KT. View Post
    News flash, guys can't get pregnant from vaginal sex either.
    Quote Originally Posted by Atmoscheer View Post
    But what is their policy on winning the hearts and minds through forcible vaginal entry?

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    Band simonj's Avatar
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    Jesus Tapdancing Christ. You make far too many tl;dr ranty threads that would be entertaining if you were a funnier person. If you spent as much time improving yourself as you spend on the internet boring us then maybe you'd get a better job that would occupy and fulfil you enough so that you wouldn't have to spend all your time making sub-par threads on a mildly popular message board like Casual Discourse.

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    Quote Originally Posted by simonj View Post
    Jesus Tapdancing Christ. You make far too many tl;dr ranty threads that would be entertaining if you were a funnier person. If you spent as much time improving yourself as you spend on the internet boring us then maybe you'd get a better job that would occupy and fulfil you enough so that you wouldn't have to spend all your time making sub-par threads on a mildly popular message board like Casual Discourse.
    I didn't read this all, but pretty much I am guessing you're the judge of all threads and this didn't pass. Ha you're like the Simon Cowl and Chef Ramsey of the internets. Keep up the good work.
    Last edited by no_brains_no_worries; 02-04-2009 at 04:36 AM.
    Quote Originally Posted by ozzy View Post
    He came to the states for his birthday and now he's going home in a body bag. That's what you get for sending your child to Utah.
    Quote Originally Posted by raghead View Post
    i would have whipped out my dick in that situation
    Quote Originally Posted by KT. View Post
    News flash, guys can't get pregnant from vaginal sex either.
    Quote Originally Posted by Atmoscheer View Post
    But what is their policy on winning the hearts and minds through forcible vaginal entry?

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    Senior Member Hippocrass's Avatar
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    You can rape me any day.
    Also, I bet she really wasn't asleep and was just waiting for some strapping young lad to barge in and make all her dreams come true. You disappointed her, sir.
    oh

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    Senior Member hobitopia's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by no_brains_no_worries View Post
    Now the guest is a Miss, and here I am, a 5'11 300+ man/stranger standing in her doorway while she is dead to the world.
    I think you meant that to mean you are an intimidating man. But I see it as you've either been on BGH since you were born, or you're fat.

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    Quote Originally Posted by hobitopia View Post
    I think you meant that to mean you are an intimidating man. But I see it as you've either been on BGH since you were born, or you're fat.
    No, I meant it that I'm fucking creepy. And what's BGH?
    Quote Originally Posted by ozzy View Post
    He came to the states for his birthday and now he's going home in a body bag. That's what you get for sending your child to Utah.
    Quote Originally Posted by raghead View Post
    i would have whipped out my dick in that situation
    Quote Originally Posted by KT. View Post
    News flash, guys can't get pregnant from vaginal sex either.
    Quote Originally Posted by Atmoscheer View Post
    But what is their policy on winning the hearts and minds through forcible vaginal entry?

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    Senior Member ozzy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by simonj View Post
    Jesus Tapdancing Christ. You make far too many tl;dr ranty threads that would be entertaining if you were a funnier person. If you spent as much time improving yourself as you spend on the internet boring us then maybe you'd get a better job that would occupy and fulfil you enough so that you wouldn't have to spend all your time making sub-par threads on a mildly popular message board like Casual Discourse.
    Fuck off. This place needs activity and he took the time to type this up and contribute.

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    Haha. Fat guy is fatter than me.
    I hear the voices inside my head. They counsel me. They understand. They talk to me.

    Quote Originally Posted by djwolford View Post
    You know, when Tidus points out that you have failed at internetting, it's probably time to go ahead and off yourself.
    Quote Originally Posted by gwahir View Post
    pepsi reserves the right to tell cryptic to get out at any time

    it's in the CD charter

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    Senior Member hobitopia's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by no_brains_no_worries View Post
    No, I meant it that I'm fucking creepy. And what's BGH?
    Bovine Growth Hormone. And your description does work if you're trying to be creepy.

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    Sheriff of Paddy's captain castle's Avatar
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    christ simonj has a point
    Quote Originally Posted by Atmosfear View Post
    Yeah, the porn stars are the ones who are gross and creepy, not the guy who tells his girlfriends "I just like watching chicks getting their vag's pounded"

    Virgins who have never had a girlfriend are hereby banned from PS starting yesterday
    Quote Originally Posted by no_brains_no_worries View Post
    You're probably the only person who be able to commit felony-level acts of violence in nerd rage.
    Quote Originally Posted by CyanideWyrm View Post
    Captain Castle: Now with the ability to fuck you into atheism
    Quote Originally Posted by DAVIDSDIVAD View Post
    Holy shit you are unfunny

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    Quote Originally Posted by hobitopia View Post
    Bovine Growth Hormone. And your description does work if you're trying to be creepy.
    I don't try to, it's just a natural gift.

    Oh and Castle, I'm eating your fucking lead warhammer figures now. That's right. EATING THEM!
    Quote Originally Posted by ozzy View Post
    He came to the states for his birthday and now he's going home in a body bag. That's what you get for sending your child to Utah.
    Quote Originally Posted by raghead View Post
    i would have whipped out my dick in that situation
    Quote Originally Posted by KT. View Post
    News flash, guys can't get pregnant from vaginal sex either.
    Quote Originally Posted by Atmoscheer View Post
    But what is their policy on winning the hearts and minds through forcible vaginal entry?

  12. #12
    Sheriff of Paddy's captain castle's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by no_brains_no_worries View Post
    I don't try to, it's just a natural gift.

    Oh and Castle, I'm eating your fucking lead warhammer figures now. That's right. EATING THEM!
    They're pewter fucko
    Quote Originally Posted by Atmosfear View Post
    Yeah, the porn stars are the ones who are gross and creepy, not the guy who tells his girlfriends "I just like watching chicks getting their vag's pounded"

    Virgins who have never had a girlfriend are hereby banned from PS starting yesterday
    Quote Originally Posted by no_brains_no_worries View Post
    You're probably the only person who be able to commit felony-level acts of violence in nerd rage.
    Quote Originally Posted by CyanideWyrm View Post
    Captain Castle: Now with the ability to fuck you into atheism
    Quote Originally Posted by DAVIDSDIVAD View Post
    Holy shit you are unfunny

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    I mean come on No-Brains. This isn't the Huffington Post and it never will be.

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    Quote Originally Posted by simonj View Post
    I mean come on No-Brains. This isn't the Huffington Post and it never will be.
    What the fuck is the Huffington? Also, please, educate me sir. Please direct me to your epic threads so I might learn. If not, stfu and sit down.
    Quote Originally Posted by ozzy View Post
    He came to the states for his birthday and now he's going home in a body bag. That's what you get for sending your child to Utah.
    Quote Originally Posted by raghead View Post
    i would have whipped out my dick in that situation
    Quote Originally Posted by KT. View Post
    News flash, guys can't get pregnant from vaginal sex either.
    Quote Originally Posted by Atmoscheer View Post
    But what is their policy on winning the hearts and minds through forcible vaginal entry?

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    I don't make epic, long-winded threads that aren't entertaining. Know why? Because they are fucking boring!

    Also Huffington Post.

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    Take orally. no_brains_no_worries's Avatar
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    You just don't make threads.
    Quote Originally Posted by ozzy View Post
    He came to the states for his birthday and now he's going home in a body bag. That's what you get for sending your child to Utah.
    Quote Originally Posted by raghead View Post
    i would have whipped out my dick in that situation
    Quote Originally Posted by KT. View Post
    News flash, guys can't get pregnant from vaginal sex either.
    Quote Originally Posted by Atmoscheer View Post
    But what is their policy on winning the hearts and minds through forcible vaginal entry?

  17. #17
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    That was kind of my point. If I can't think of something worth posting as a thread then I don't. And considering that whenever I'm on CD I'm listening to a comedy album or a documentary or talk radio or something then that's just not going to happen.

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    Senior Member Absolution's Avatar
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    300+?

    that's all I got from this thread.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Absolution View Post
    300+?

    that's all I got from this thread.
    The Capt'n can testify. I am a large man.
    Quote Originally Posted by ozzy View Post
    He came to the states for his birthday and now he's going home in a body bag. That's what you get for sending your child to Utah.
    Quote Originally Posted by raghead View Post
    i would have whipped out my dick in that situation
    Quote Originally Posted by KT. View Post
    News flash, guys can't get pregnant from vaginal sex either.
    Quote Originally Posted by Atmoscheer View Post
    But what is their policy on winning the hearts and minds through forcible vaginal entry?

  20. #20
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    Quote Originally Posted by no_brains_no_worries View Post
    The Capt'n can testify. I am a large man.
    this is true
    Quote Originally Posted by Atmosfear View Post
    Yeah, the porn stars are the ones who are gross and creepy, not the guy who tells his girlfriends "I just like watching chicks getting their vag's pounded"

    Virgins who have never had a girlfriend are hereby banned from PS starting yesterday
    Quote Originally Posted by no_brains_no_worries View Post
    You're probably the only person who be able to commit felony-level acts of violence in nerd rage.
    Quote Originally Posted by CyanideWyrm View Post
    Captain Castle: Now with the ability to fuck you into atheism
    Quote Originally Posted by DAVIDSDIVAD View Post
    Holy shit you are unfunny

  21. #21
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    Quote Originally Posted by simonj View Post
    That was kind of my point. If I can't think of something worth posting as a thread then I don't. And considering that whenever I'm on CD I'm listening to a comedy album or a documentary or talk radio or something then that's just not going to happen.
    should be

    Quote Originally Posted by simonj View Post
    That was kind of my point. If I can't think of something worth posting in a thread then I don't.
    I mean, not for nothing, I think it's great and everything that you come into a thread, and if it doesn't meet your high, high standards, you empty your bowels onto it, but I think you seriously overestimate the size of your shits. You think you're taking huge gorilla shits all over threads, but really, you've got tiny little giraffe shits.

    Plink-plink.

    You know what that sound is?

    Your tiny little shits hitting a thread. They just kind of roll around - don't even really smell, just kind of crowd the area. They're unpleasant, I guess, in the same way that you think there's a full jar of Nutella in your cabinet, but you find that there isn't any because the jars are fucking opaque and decietful. Kind of a minor annoyance.

    But get your ya-yas where you can, I suppose. I mean, who am I to take a tiny little gerbil shit all over your posts and your go-get-em' attitude? Well, I guess that would make me your Simonj.

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